Should I be worried?

Cookie_monster_7

When she has hurt/killed an insect I have gone down to her level and said firmly "we do not hurt insects" and then taken her inside saying "now you have to come inside" at which she'll cry because she wanted to stay in the garden. Unfortunately with the bumble bee incident I was in the hospital having a baby so wasn't there to discipline her and I don't think anyone did.

With the dog incident yesterday her dad got down to her level took her by the arms and said "that was very bad, you don't hurt animals"

She is fascinated by insects and animals and plays with her toy ones all the time so I'm hoping it is just her curiosity that is making her do this. My mum finds her very difficult because we can say to her a hundred times "leave the dog to sleep" and she'll say "sowweee" then she'll try to wake the dog up again. She is very hard to discipline. Her behaviour is definitely worse since we had a second child and I think it might be that she does naughty things for the attention.

pukkamum

Hmmm iwould say how your hubby delat with the dog incident was silghtly ineffectual.
For a start i would have not referred to the dog as an animal, i would have said it's name and made a huge deal of how sad and upset it made the doggy.
I would also have put her on step/time out etc until she came and apologised to both daddy and the dog.

Whne my DD went through a stage of being terrified of insects (DS's fault) i made a huge deal of 'humanising' the insects, we found a spider in the garden and watched it, gave him a name and talked about his family (children, wife etc) what he may be up to.
She now loves insects and will happily watch them in the garden.

Mojisola

Cookie_monster wrote: »

When she has hurt/killed an insect I have gone down to her level and said firmly "we do not hurt insects" and then taken her inside saying "now you have to come inside" at which she'll cry because she wanted to stay in the garden. Unfortunately with the bumble bee incident I was in the hospital having a baby so wasn't there to discipline her and I don't think anyone did.

With the dog incident yesterday her dad got down to her level took her by the arms and said "that was very bad, you don't hurt animals"

She is fascinated by insects and animals and plays with her toy ones all the time so I'm hoping it is just her curiosity that is making her do this. My mum finds her very difficult because we can say to her a hundred times "leave the dog to sleep" and she'll say "sowweee" then she'll try to wake the dog up again. She is very hard to discipline. Her behaviour is definitely worse since we had a second child and I think it might be that she does naughty things for the attention.

This may be the source of the problem. What are you doing to help her through what can be a very difficult time for a first-born?

If the insect killing and teasing the dog are longer-standing problems, then I would be worried. It shows a lack of empathy which could be indicative of a more serious problem.

Added: as she's hurt the dog badly enough for it to limp, she's very lucky that the dog hasn't retaliated! I wouldn't ever leave the dog and her alone together - for both their sakes.

Money_maker

Cookie_monster wrote: »

I was in the hospital having a baby . Her behaviour is definitely worse since we had a second child and I think it might be that she does naughty things for the attention.

Think you've hit the nail on the head there - more of attention seeking than genuine cruelty. I wont tell you what you need to do as I expect you already know and it's difficult when the new baby is so young and needing 24/7 attention. However you do need to take some steps as this attitude may extend to her new brother/sister.

Good luck.

NAR

Cookie_monster wrote: »

Her behaviour is definitely worse since we had a second child and I think it might be that she does naughty things for the attention.

Yep she's definitely jealous and is practicing by eliminating small creatures. Get her locked up before she harms the baby! :eek:

the_cat

This needs dealing with as a very serious issue IMO. You should most definately be very worried and were extremely lucky that the dog did not bite her. Most dogs would.

She is unlikely to be that lucky twice. Please NEVER leave her unattended with any pet amd warn whoever is looking after her to keep a very close eye on her behaviour.

the_cat

Cookie_monster wrote: »

Her behaviour is definitely worse since we had a second child and I think it might be that she does naughty things for the attention.

If she is doing it for attention, perhaps the best form of 'punishment' would be to remove her from the room (to a naughty step?) and let the dog stay in, rather than removing the dog from the room

In fact that maybe the key to correcting her behaviour generally when she misbehaves?

Mojisola

the_cat wrote: »

If she is doing it for attention, perhaps the best form of 'punishment' would be to remove her from the room (to a naughty step?) and let the dog stay in, rather than removing the dog from the room

In fact that maybe the key to correcting her behaviour generally when she misbehaves?

If a child is misbehaving because she's feeling pushed out by the new baby, then physically removing her from the family's presence is more likely to reinforce her anger at the situation. She does need correcting when misbehaving but she also needs time with her mother without the baby around and to feel that she's part of the family.

Tish_P

Let's hope it is simple attention-seeking naughtiness and she doesn't understand that it hurts. (Incidentally, her gran's dog must be amazingly well trained not to have snapped at her, well done Gran!)

The good news is that if she has a genuine fascination for wildlife it'll do wonders for her education! There are plenty of books and tv shows about insects and other mini-beasts meant for young children - maybe she can be persuaded to look them up in a book rather than squash them?

the_cat

Mojisola wrote: »

If a child is misbehaving because she's feeling pushed out by the new baby, then physically removing her from the family's presence is more likely to reinforce her anger at the situation. She does need correcting when misbehaving but she also needs time with her mother without the baby around and to feel that she's part of the family.

Only when she has done something naughty, for the length of a time out, not for ever!!!!:rotfl:

And obviously more time should be set aside for some one to one time (when she is behaving though, not when she has just trodden on the dog)