Ruined by bankruptcy and still haunted nearly 3 years later

FIGHTBACK

Bankruptcy is'nt for everyone,I was forced into it with a chronic IVA which should never have been agreed.I wasnt in huge debt (£22k) but was well and truely shafted in the process.I now live in a town I longer want to reside and the whole BR thing totally broke me,in fact its ruined my life completely and the whole truama has given me bad health.I struggle from day to day scraping for coins to pay the mortgage but I can never acheive anything anymore as I run out of energy.The BR broke all my confidence,I was handed a BRO to run for 4 years by the OR ( all part of Gordon Browns punishment culture) and now I can't even get a £50 overdraft or anything.My life has receded in the last 2 years,i've become a hermit,I have no kids,wife,girlfriend or even friends anymore.I'm self employed and live and work alone,I'm in my 40's and constantly feel run down and tired.Its true what they say that you can't fly with broken wings and can't go anywhere with empty fuel tanks.I used to help a lot of people out in the past,with advice etc,and they were all really grateful but what ive found in the last 3 years is that no one's ever helped me.I kept my BR a secret,harboured it for so long now and when I do go out I put on a brave face.Below the mask is a person that is broken,void of all energy and positive outlook.I've never felt so low and drained and jealous it's now at a stage that ive deleted my Facebook account as everyone else I know has a proper life.I've got nothing and am no great catch,the thought of even trying to talk to girls makes me feel tired and worn out as I know within that I've got nothing to offer.Ive read all the self help books,taken the advice but I still dont feel good inside and I dont think I ever will.If you're reading this please do think carefully about the whole BR thing,it's broken me into little pieces to the point that I no longer care anymore.:(

robpw2

i think you need to speak to a councillor

confused76

hi there
i'm so sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it.
as rob says, perhaps you could seek some help? you sound very down about a few things. think about going to see your doctor for a referral to speak to someone.
take care x

FIGHTBACK

thanks Rob but a councillor will only make you talk about things,stir your mind up and make you feel the same or worse and going to a doctors,they'll only put on anti-depressants which ain'nt the cure.I really hope one day I'll wake up and feel good again but it just ain't happening.I've fought back all through my life but this is one crisis too far,and it's broken me into pieces.

FIGHTBACK

Ive tried so much to turn things around,but my head is wrong,it's burnout,anxiety,shredded nervous system,bits of depression,low feelings,anger etc.It used to be clear,positive,my personality was chatty,outgoing,now its a fixed serious look,bored of life.

immoral_angeluk

I agree with the above that it would be a good idea to speak to someone about this. It definitely sounds like there are some deeper issues which need looking at. Please, speak to your GP.

Edit: counselling is there to help you talk about and deal with the feelings you're going through, and to put them into perspective.

dojoman

Why did you get a BRO?

FIGHTBACK

without saying too much it was nothing serious for BRO,a solicitor was shocked when I told him I was getting 4 years worth of BRO for it.My debt at date of BR was £23k,when the OR and trustee had added their "fees" the entire debt was up to £80k.
I used to have massive powers of recovery bouncing back from things but the day has finally come when my body and brain has had enough.My life has been an illusion for 4 years,ive gone nowhere or backwards.

seasalt_2

Dear fightback. There IS a life for you out there and broken pieces CAN be mended, but you feel so ground down, depressed and beaten that you can't see it ever happening right now. I have no experience of BR - it has obviously been a bitterly searing experience for you - but I do have experience of being severely depressed for several years - also as a result of something that had happened in my life. I had psychotherapy in the end and it quite literally saved my life but it took a lo-o-ong time for me to be ready to turn things around. I also refused antidepressants for three or four years but in the end I took one for about a year - the last few months, weaning myself off it - and it made all the difference in the world and I wished I'd done it before, like seeing in colour again. Point of all this though is that about ten years later I found myself getting very depressed again and googled self help depression as didn't want it to take so long to get better this time. Found something called "Human Givens" and bought a paperback book (about £8) which I later lent to someone else but will see if I can find the title for you in a minute - if you don't want to talk through things, rake over old ground etc, it might be worth having a look - it's more of an approach about changing what you do to make yourself feel better, small things but they snowball (bit like MSE then). I did however also have a few (maybe six) sessions with a CPN (Communtiy Psychiatric Nurse) at our local surgery and she was great - it does help to have someone on your side. Someone on here (can't remember who) has got a signature that says something like, "When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!" So please keep on fighting back, but see if you can find some help.

seasalt_2

The book I bought was called, "How to Lift Depression Fast" by Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell. If you google "Human Givens Depression" you'll find it. I'm sorry if you think I'm being presumptious recommending books on depression when you're talking about bankruptcy but your post screams depression to me, even if BR was/is the cause, especially your comment about life having been an illusion for the last 4yrs. I really recognise that. Good luck!

Darnit_2

Fightback, you have only a few posts to your name, so either you are new here or have been a lurker. If it is the first, then you will find help and support here that will eventually pay dividends and make you feel like you have friends (albeit virtual at this stage)who you can be yourself with, receive advice on all matters money and otherwise, and gradually get better. If you have been a lurker, then you know we can all help you if you share some more of your circumstances.

But my other important observation is that you are 3 years into a 4 year BRO. It is all uphhill from here, finish any IPA you may have, countdown to discharge in 12 paydays and you will be on your road to financial recovery. Do you have enough energy to try and see the light at the end of your very long tunnel?

<<Hugs>>