Working couples and housework

Snuggles

evil_grrrl666 wrote: »

I usually just lurk around on the forums but am compelled to answer on this thread...

Really? I'm the only one in a working couple who's stuck with the house work without help and hating it? I mean I love my husband dearly but he just refuses to help out.. he'll do the odd "manly" job like some heavy lifting, diy, etc. but that doesn't come up so often.. the old feminist "just make him/refuse to continue" type approach doesn't work at all.. I'd rather do it than have a big fight about it I suppose.

Hmm, that doesn't sound good, I really feel for you. My OH is messy and is really not bothered about keeping the house tidy, so doesn't take the initiative to do housework, BUT, if I simply ask him to do something he will do it without hesitation. I think I would find it very upsetting if he expected me to do it all and refused to contribute. You are not his skivvy, and to me it just shows a lack of respect for you. In fact I feel really quite angry about it on your behalf! I hope you can sort this out.

spurs24

there have been some great tips so wont repeat them, if you just do little and often you wont need to spend time on the weekend doing it all.

Me and hubby both work full time, and have 3 children and my house is very tidy and clean, I do bits as i go along you just need to get into a routine.

What would you do if you have children, there will be even more mess and things to tidy, My god it is only two of you

If that is all you have to think about, well

Snuggles

Well, a bit of an update. By coincidence I received a £10 off voucher for Tesco online grocery shopping and I managed to persuade OH that we should try it. So we got our first delivery on Saturday morning and it was a great success. Only one item was handed back (some manky spring onions which were well past their best), everything else was just as we would have chosen.

It was great not having to battle our way through the store and OH is converted :j Obviously I won't have the money off coupon next time, and I do think the delivery charges are a bit steep, but we both think it's worth the money to save time.

I've also taken on board the advice to do a little every night when I get in before I sit down. So I get home, do the dishes, then make sure I do something else for twenty minutes or so before I start to relax for the evening.

So I'm making some progress, and starting to feel a bit more in control of things. Thanks again to all for the great advice.

Snuggles

spurs24 wrote: »

there have been some great tips so wont repeat them, if you just do little and often you wont need to spend time on the weekend doing it all.

Me and hubby both work full time, and have 3 children and my house is very tidy and clean, I do bits as i go along you just need to get into a routine.

What would you do if you have children, there will be even more mess and things to tidy, My god it is only two of you

If that is all you have to think about, well

No, it's not all I have to think about, it just happens to be something I came on here to ask for advice about. Not sure if you meant your post to come across the way it did, but just because you manage, doesn't mean everyone else has it all worked out. I think I did say in my very first post that I admire those who have children and manage to keep on top of everything.

My_Fathers_Daughter

LOL - it gets worse if you have kids!!


Try to do 1 thing every day - by this I mean the 'extra' or 'weekly' chores that end up building up until the weekend.

So 1 load of washing or ironing or clean the bathroom or 1 room. Or 1 day do your household filing etc.

If you just keep thinking 1 thing every day you start to feel a sense of accomplishment at having done 'something' every day (and I often find I want to do another thing after I have done 1!!).

Each of these extra chores only takes a few minutes in itself, it is when you have to do them all together that it takes ages and can seem really daunting!

If your OH does 1 thing every day too then you will soon get your house in order

SkintGypsy

I am exactly the same as you OP. I am a naturally untidy person and I am lazy too; the pair combined are a recipe for an untidy house and no matter what I do to try to keep in top of it all it takes is a bout of illness or tiredness and it all gets on top of me. I return to work in February, and I am looking into getting a cleaner. I truly believe that all of our lives will be happier if I only have to deal with day to day chores, rather than top to bottom cleaning each week. I want to enjoy my babies and would rather spend my evenings and weekends doing things rather than cleaning. With the best will in the world, a clean house is simply beyond me.

belfastgirl23

I've read a lot of the tips on here and think there's a lot of good in what people are suggesting

But I also think you might want to think a bit longer term about this.

I know you love your DH deeply and are prepared to put up with his little ways. But don't forget that the first little while is crucial in determining your future lives together. It's a bit messy now, what will it be like if you have kids? If your job gets busier? Or if you finally start to lose patience.

I'm not saying start reading the riot act or anything but I do think you need to both think together about how you're living, now while things are still fresh and new and you want to please each other. This is sort of getting you down and I'm guessing your DH doesn't really know that. Surely it's best to talk it out now before it really becomes a bugbear. It doesn't have to be a big fight or anything, just a nudge in the right direction.

As an aside, have you considered putting a load of his c**p in the attic or in his parents attic if yours is full. Or even getting a small storage container? It really do wonders...I speak from experience!

Tish_P

My OH and I had some spectacular housework rows at first. Even relatively enlightened blokes have often, one way or another, had a woman cleaning up after them all their lives, and have got used to seeing mess as somebody else's problem (I'm sure it happens the other way round too, but less often in my experience). That has to stop, or seething resentment will follow.

Snuggles

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I've read a lot of the tips on here and think there's a lot of good in what people are suggesting

But I also think you might want to think a bit longer term about this.

I know you love your DH deeply and are prepared to put up with his little ways. But don't forget that the first little while is crucial in determining your future lives together. It's a bit messy now, what will it be like if you have kids? If your job gets busier? Or if you finally start to lose patience.

I'm not saying start reading the riot act or anything but I do think you need to both think together about how you're living, now while things are still fresh and new and you want to please each other. This is sort of getting you down and I'm guessing your DH doesn't really know that. Surely it's best to talk it out now before it really becomes a bugbear. It doesn't have to be a big fight or anything, just a nudge in the right direction.

As an aside, have you considered putting a load of his c**p in the attic or in his parents attic if yours is full. Or even getting a small storage container? It really do wonders...I speak from experience!

Thanks Belfastgirl. I see where you're coming from, but honestly I think I'd be fighting a losing battle. I think OH is just a messy person, and there's no point trying to change him. As long as he is prepared to contribute to the housework, I don't really mind that he tends to be messier than I am, as long we keep on top of it. I'm sure I've got habits which might annoy him, and being a bit messy just doesn't seem too terrible in the grand scheme of things! I would feel differently if he expected me to run around tidying up after him, and never did his bit, but that's not the case.

I do get what you're saying though, as at the moment I see his scatty messiness as quite lovable, and it has occurred to me that this might change over the years!

Turtle2010

Hi There

Me and OH are exactly the same....however he works shifts and apparently his days off are "his days off". But that's another issue altogether which I wo't go into a rant about!

As some other people have mentioned, we generally tidy / clean as we go along. After cooking, the kitchen gets a thorough wipe and floor sweep. I keep bleach and antibac wipes in the bathroom for the same purpose. It just means that at the weekend when you do the whole lot, you've not got too much of a mess to tidy / clean up.

As for washing, I pop mine on overnight and hang it up in the morning, only takes 5 mins. We do our own ironing (as apparently i'm rubbish at it) and I do a lot of tumble drying of towels / bedding etc.

I do everything the quick and easy way, but I am also particulary fussy....and find that when OH cleans things, I go behind him anyway....and his version of tidying up is by far nothing like mine!

You'll find a way soon enough, and you'll wonder how you managed before! x