Benefits? Please can somebody help?

MarthaF

Hi, this is my first post, so please excuse my rambling, but I'm at the end of my tether and really need help.

We are a married couple with non dependant 'children'.
Eldest is unemployed at the moment, and receives JSA.
2nd eldest is living away at university.
Youngest is on a 3 year apprenticeship.

My husband has depression and has not worked for over a year. His doctor keeps increasing the dosage of his antidepressants, but there seems no sign of improvement. He just sits in his chair most of the day, and hardly bothers to look after himself.

I am self employed and can choose the amount of hours I work per week. I was working 16 hrs while 2nd daughter was at college so I could transport her there as there is no bus service.
However, when she went to uni in sept, I had to increase my hrs to 30, so we could qualify for tax credits, as otherwise we couldn't manage on my sole income of £100 pw.

To add to that, I have suffered with chronic back problems for over 20 years now. An MRI scan shows I have spinal arthritis, disc extrusion, and bi lateral, lateral, spinal stenosis. My consultant wants me to have a decompression op. I manage ok with it day to day, but working is a real struggle and I am swallowing tons of painkillers so I can manage.

So, to summarise, my husband has no income, and is unlikely to have any. I am struggling to work with back and leg pain, but can't afford to cut down my hours or have an op or we would be destitute.

Hubby has been told to apply for ESA but I work 30 hours so I believe he wouldn't qualify.

I just don't know which way to turn, and feel tearful and depressed.

Can anybody give me any help or advice?

Thank you for listening, and I apologise for my first post being so miserable.

cassieB57

he could claim contribution related ESA though it depends whether he paid NI during the relevant income tax years-which I think are April 06/07, 07/08 and 08/09

ERICS_MUM

I can't help with the benefits side of things, I'm sorry. but I've been in a similar position to your husband and my GP/psych consultant tried me on combinations and different doses of loads of a/d before we found the "right" mix, which has really improved my depression. Has your husband's GP tried different a/d or is he just upping the dose on one type ? Perhaps it's time to change.

Also has your hubby been offered counselling ? I had 8 weeks of "cognitive behavioural therapy" which is a posh name for talking about how you react to things, how that makes you depressed and how you can combat those reactions. I was very sceptical as I couldn't believe it could help me out of the hell I was in for so long, but I found it really effective.

If your local NHS has long waiting list for counselling, check if you have a branch of MIND the mental health charity within reach - they can offer professional counselling at short notice and they charge according to your circumstances, so your DH might be able to get sessions for free.

I wish you both well, i know how debilitating depression can be and how it can change the lives of a whole family.

Linda xx

GlasweJen

If your husband needs encouragement throughout the day to look after himself he may be entitled to DLA care component, have you ever applied for this?

MarthaF

cassieB57 wrote: »

he could claim contribution related ESA though it depends whether he paid NI during the relevant income tax years-which I think are April 06/07, 07/08 and 08/09

Yes, he worked continually up until August 2009, so I'll check that out.
Thank you.

MarthaF

ERICS_MUM wrote: »

I can't help with the benefits side of things, I'm sorry. but I've been in a similar position to your husband and my GP/psych consultant tried me on combinations and different doses of loads of a/d before we found the "right" mix, which has really improved my depression. Has your husband's GP tried different a/d or is he just upping the dose on one type ? Perhaps it's time to change.

Also has your hubby been offered counselling ? I had 8 weeks of "cognitive behavioural therapy" which is a posh name for talking about how you react to things, how that makes you depressed and how you can combat those reactions. I was very sceptical as I couldn't believe it could help me out of the hell I was in for so long, but I found it really effective.

If your local NHS has long waiting list for counselling, check if you have a branch of MIND the mental health charity within reach - they can offer professional counselling at short notice and they charge according to your circumstances, so your DH might be able to get sessions for free.

I wish you both well, i know how debilitating depression can be and how it can change the lives of a whole family.

Linda xx

Hi Linda,

He has tried various combinations of drugs over the last few years, and is now on venlafaxine which does seem to be the best one so far, as at least he's not sleeping all the time, and he isn't spaced out and zombie-like now.
I really think counselling would help enormously as I think his issues stem from a really bad childhood.
However, he is a typical man in that he finds it hard to talk openly about his past, and though he has been referred several times, he has yet to attend an appointment.

It's nice to have some support from someone who has suffered in a similar way, and I do hope you're on more of an even keel now. xx

MarthaF

GlasweJen wrote: »

If your husband needs encouragement throughout the day to look after himself he may be entitled to DLA care component, have you ever applied for this?

Thanks for replying.

I did have a look at the minefield of benefits which are potentially available, but tbh, the rate he would qualify for (if he qualified at all) for the DLA care component is only £18.95 per week.
It all helps I suppose, but it is not enough to get us out of the poverty trap we're in at the moment.

C_Mababejive

MarthaF wrote: »

Hi Linda,

He has tried various combinations of drugs over the last few years, and is now on venlafaxine which does seem to be the best one so far, as at least he's not sleeping all the time, and he isn't spaced out and zombie-like now.
I really think counselling would help enormously as I think his issues stem from a really bad childhood.
However, he is a typical man in that he finds it hard to talk openly about his past, and though he has been referred several times, he has yet to attend an appointment.

It's nice to have some support from someone who has suffered in a similar way, and I do hope you're on more of an even keel now. xx

Has doc ever suggested he be hospitalised or mentioned ECT?

Oldernotwiser

I hope that your eldest son is paying most of his JSA into the household budget to pay for his keep.

Do you rent your home or have a mortgage?

MarthaF

C_Mababejive wrote: »

Has doc ever suggested he be hospitalised or mentioned ECT?

No to both, and definitely no to ECT, as it's a barbaric practice (rarely used now anyway, thank god), and it has no proven benefit.

My mother had it approx 25 years ago and the effects were awful. She spent months looking and behaving like a character from One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, it wiped out a huge part of her life, which she still has no memory of, and made no improvements to her depression whatsoever.

MarthaF

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I hope that your eldest son is paying most of his JSA into the household budget to pay for his keep.

Do you rent your home or have a mortgage?

Yes he is, and we rent from a HA.