slightly embarrassing question....and really hoping for some good advice !!

jackieglasgow

I have to be honest and say that no straight man I know that I can think of would want to look at any sort of gay !!!!!!, most of them have that automatic "yuck" response - rightly or wrongly - and wouldn't want to "be nosey" at that sort of thing. No matter what their political or idealistic opinions on homosexuality are. Maybe he has been curious, and wanted to have a look, but I would think its more likely its because he thinks he will like what he sees. Full and frank discussion time, and good luck, its a difficult question to ask when you're terrified of what the answer might bring. x

Nixer

I'm female and I look at lesbian !!!!!! sometimes. I don't regard myself as a lesbian, I might be bi I guess in some people's eyes but I prefer to not really define myself. I don't regard sexuality as fixed - I've never had sex with a woman but I'd like to think that if I was single and met a woman I fancied who was up for it that I would.

What I'm trying to say is: stop attempting to guess and ask him. He might be gay, he might be bi, he might be hetero who likes looking at gay !!!!!! now and again. He might not know. He might be conducting a research project into male waxing.

purplepardalis

What Nixer said.
I've watched stuff that I wouldn't dream of participating in in real life!

Becciboobah

Totally the same as Nixer, I too enjoy lesbian !!!!!!. I don't consider myself a lesbian. My partner (male) knows and is fine with it (as a lot of guys would I guess) but what I mean is he knows I love him, I don't want anyone else but I get a thrill out of something that I have no intention of doing in 'real life'. I'm perfectly happy with our sex life. It's a fantasy, and I want it to stay that way.

Maybe it's a fantasy, maybe he is confused, maybe he's gay but you need to have this conversation with him, instead of tying yourself up in knots about what might be. Good luck honey, it's going to be a hard conversation but regardless of the outcome it means you can deal with it xxx

ilovemyboy

graemecarter wrote: »

I would assume that straight people use straight ways to get kicks, and gay people use gay ways to get kicks.

I agree completely!! i mean no disrespect to anybody but why on earth would a straight person get their kicks from something gay!!

It's the chatlines that are bothering me more than anything. I found out cos i got a large phone bill with one particular number appearing on it many times so i rang it to find out what it was......it was a gay chatline. I have since asked the DH about it and he can't even answer me, he just said he doesn't know why he did it, he just wanted to talk to someone. Well, i'm sorry but if you 'just want to talk to someone' then talk to your wife or the samaritans!!!!!!!!!!! :mad:

gratefulforhelp_2

If it helps, early in our relationship, the same happened to me with DH.

Many people will probably think I am bonkers to have married him, but he saw it as being a "sexual release" that wasn't in the category of "infidelity" as it would never lead to anything.

I explained how I felt (very much like you) and there has been nothing since (that I've found out about!!)

I wouldn't get hung up on the gay thing, though, I think sexuality is a spectrum rather than one thing or the other, and we're all somewhere on the spectrum.

Talk about it, make it plain you're not happy, maybe the alternative is he gets more of what he wants with you?

That's not meant as a comment on you at all, BTW, he may just enjoy it.

Owain_Moneysaver

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

maybe the alternative is he gets more of what he wants with you?

But what does he want?;)

Make-it-3

Plenty of people look at all sorts of stuff online, often out of curiosity and wouldn't dream of acting on anything in real life. However, talking to people on chat lines implies a more active participation or at least exploring thoughts and ideas he has.

I don't think its acceptable for him to say he "wanted to speak to someone" and then dismiss any further discussion about why he was phoning these lines. Maybe he doesn't quite know how he feels, but the cat is out of the bag and you can't put it back. I think you need to sit him down and tell him how it makes you feel if nothing else. If you can find it within yourself to try to be as non-judgemental as possible, maybe he can then open up more about his feelings.

gratefulforhelp_2

I don't know what he wants, and maybe nor does he, but I figure he want the OP or he wouldn't still be with her.

And thinking it is anything other than phone sex is (sorry OP) naive.

ilovemyboy

Had quite a looong conversation with the hubby last night and he is still sticking to the same story of just being curious! I don't know what road to take next...i do know though that it's not going to be the same now, i will constantly be wondering about if he is still doing it or not and i don't know if i can cope with that all the time!!

Do u really think it is naive of me to think that it is only a form of phone sex?? and that really there is more to it???

Sooooo confused!!!