Children helping parents get out of debt

tasha-debt

katu wrote: »

I had to help my family out when they had no money, trouble was that it wasn't always for essential things like food.
Now they have gone down the IVA route and I owe in excess of £25,000 and struggling and no doubt going to end up having to enter into a DMP myself.

Tasha-Debt, I pay no board to my mum but it is because I have no spare money left over at all and it's not like I haven't contributed
I didn't go out everynight, got my own car, didn't go out on mega shopping trips I wear clothes that are about 10 years old!

Yes families should stick together but my family didn't help me out it was always the other way round. When I said no because I was at the limit .......................

But you have a reason for this Katu. My friend earns £23k a year, has no debts and no outgoings........... and still pays no board/rent.

I hope you manage to sort everything out with your DMP.

xxxxxx

keza

After clearing my £15k of debt earlier this year, I have been helping my parents to sort out their debt of £8k whilst saving myself and organising my wedding !

It can be stressful but my dads 67 nearly and still working full time. I want to help them out like they have done me and see him retire in time for when i have a bambini xx

DebtDodger

It's obvious that it depends very much on how the debt was accumulated. For my parents it was a 5 year legal battle for justice that didn't go in our favour. I help them out because I wouldn't see them lose their home and go bankrupt, lose everything they worked so hard for. We decided as a family at the beginning to go ahead despite the risks and agreed we would take whatever outcome came our way, so it wasn't forced upon us by our parents.

My debts were accumulated in a more frivolous way and so I don't expect any help. I have to take responsiblity for my own actions. I had no real reason to rack up credit card debts and take out loans. Of course, my parents wouldn't see me go bankrupt either but it's a different situation and I feel better getting out of it by myself.

It should also be noted that it's been happening for generations... when my mum and dad married they bailed my granny (dad's mother) out of a big loan she had witha local "shark" that my grandfather didn't know about. To the day he died, no-one disclosed it and my granny never did it again. She also didn't pay dad back. But then, 25 years later, when he desperately needed a car after losing his disability benefit, she lent him £6000 and hasn't asked for a penny back yet because he looks after her all week.

As long as no-one is taking advantage of anyone, families should look after each other

missworks2jobs

I helped my parents out. My whole student loan went to my parents when they were out of work (I paid for my books etc by working part time - 2 jobs actually). I've also given them my credit cards to buy shopping and things. Looking back I would do it again, because my parents never charged me board or anything but I did have to buy my own clothes and pay my car insurance and buy my own car. They paid for me for 18 years, so it was the least I could do to return the favour when they were going through a rough patch.

However now i'm older (30's) and have had to sell my flat and car to pay off debts which they ran up in my name (yes stupid I know but how can you say no to the people you love when they're desperate and have no other option) and have a husband and am desperate for a home and family of my own I dont think I would do it again. I think once you have your own home and family to look after its unfair for them to ask you to help out if you cant afford it.

Sometimes you have to say "no". I've learned from my mistakes and so have my parents, i've told them i'll help them save money round the house, take them shopping and pay with any spare cash I have or pick my mum up when she cant afford to put petrol in the car (because I know they would do that for me). I'll lend them DVDs so they dont have to buy them and offer my mum any clothes that dont fit but I draw the line at lump sums of cash.

dolla_2

My Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer in November 2009 and had to leave his job because he was too ill. Macmillian then advised my mum to reduce her hours and be his carer as, financially, they would be better off.

Their benefits are barely keeping them afloat, especially with my 13 year old sister to provide for too and then the awful news last week that the mortgage allowance is being cut by half is another set back. I contribute £300 a month plus buying food, clothes, petrol. We also have fantastic family and friends to pitch in occasionally.

None of my friends provide for their parents to be honest because they don't need to and at 22, it is scary that I'm a not only a financial but also an emotional support too but I genuinely cannot see how any 'grown up' child wouldn't pitch in during hard times! If my parents had it, they'd be there in a heartbeat for me and I'd imagine it'd be the same for many MSE users!

clc118

Hi,

I'm hoping someone could give me some advice/ point me towards the right organisations to help my mum who suffers from severe depression and is in financial difficulty.

She is over 60 and is struggling on £120 a week, £60 goes on rent to the housing association and the rest on bills. Two siblings (over 20) still live at home and do not contribute towards living costs and refuse to do so. My mum has given up and will not insist they pay their way as this leads to arguments and she cannot cope anymore.

Ideally she needs to ask the council to move her to a smaller property with a lower rent but she has barely left the house over the last two months and tells me she is too anxious to leave the house to go the Citizens Advice Bureau.

I live over 200 miles away and not in a position to help her financially. Over 5 years ago I used part of my student loan to pay off her credit card debt and really don't have any money to help her move now unless I use my overdraft which I have been working hard to pay off over the last couple of years.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and can offer any advice?

Many thanks in advance

ms_london

I've paid off one of mums credit cards this year, I earn probably twice as much, if not three times as much - and I couldn't bear it with her sitting there in tears in front of me because of the stress! :0( and I would do the same again, and its nice to be able to be in the position to help them, especially for all the years they have gone without to raise us kids, feels like the least I could do!

ms_london

clc118 wrote: »

Two siblings (over 20) still live at home and do not contribute towards living costs and refuse to do so. My mum has given up and will not insist they pay their way as this leads to arguments and she cannot cope anymore.

Can you have a word with your siblings and try and encourage them to contribute? Your mother may be entitled to more assistance if they weren't living there, and I know its harsh, but they are both adults and need to look after your mum for a change and grow up.

Must be hard if you are so far away. Are you the eldest? xx

Pollycat

ms_london wrote: »

Can you have a word with your siblings and try and encourage them to contribute? Your mother may be entitled to more assistance if they weren't living there, and I know its harsh, but they are both adults and need to look after your mum for a change and grow up.

Must be hard if you are so far away. Are you the eldest? xx

Some pretty good advice given to clc118 here:
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3511923=

KxMx

Helping out when times are hard and paying off parents debt are two different things! I would always do the first but never the second honestly. I wouldn't be looking for parents to pay my debts either (not that I have any/plan to).

Debt is the responsibility of the person who ran it up!

I could have offered to pay off Mum's rent arrears but decided not to. She just stopped paying (she was working full time) when she applied for HB assuming she would get it, then there was the issue of my Brother lying every fortnight saying "i've asked JC for letter confirming i'm on JSA". Then we found out he'd signed off weeks earlier. Mum never did anything about it, and never made him hand keep money over either, he only ended up moving out since his car went kaput. All the while I am ill and keeping the whole house clean for nowt and being roundly taken advantage of. Since getting into that debt was her fault, I decided not to offer to pay.

I'm starting to worry as well that she may be running up catalogue debt (again) but I am leaving well alone. I fufill my obligations in terms of keep money and household expenses, and there it shall end.