Any mum's of 10/11 year old boys - getting them organised?

Becles

As a mother of 13 and 11 year old boys, you have to be tough!

Mine are not allowed any electronics, playing out etc., on an evening until their rooms are tidy and they've done any homework that they need to hand in the next day.

On Saturdays, they are not allowed anything until all homework is done.

On Sundays they are not allowed anything until they have hoovered and dusted their rooms.

They have responsibility for some jobs in the house - setting and clearing the table and washing up after our evening meal, and putting out the bins and recycling and they have to strip their beds and remake them with clean bed linen once a week. It's not a lot but they get into trouble if their jobs are not done.

They are responsible for their own stuff for school. School is 12 miles away, so they know if they get there and they haven't got what they need, it's tough luck as I refuse to drive through with things.

tiff

nuttienettie wrote: »

Please try not to worry ( impossible I know as a mum it comes as easily as breathing!!), My DS is now 13yrs old and he was just the same and we had awful problems geeting him to engage with teachers and us all through 10-12yrs old, but now he's so different I can't beleive he wasn't abducted by aliens and a clone left behind!!
He wants to shower, asks for particular clean clothes (but also knows to give me notice in advance to wash dry etc), homework can still be an issue but we can now negotiate how much and when he does it. He's not perfect but we feel we have got back a pleasant young adult from the awful stroppy boy he was. Think he hit pubrety earlier than most of his friends and a lot of his attitude problems could've been hormomal.
What really trying to say is "hang on in there" the child you know is still around and will reappear soon. xx

P.s a fantastic health visitor said to me when DS was a toddler, the only bad parents are the ones who "know" their children are perfect and never worry - you are a GR8 mum and your son knows you are .

Oh I am so looking forward to this (just praying that it happens!). My DS is 13 in November, he doesnt shower or clean his teeth without nagging. He does take responsibility for homework and pe kit etc as he doesnt like getting told off. I wont go up to the school if he forgets it either, he has to take the consequences harsh as that may seem.

He only has one school jumper so he knows if its left anywhere he's in trouble with me and school.

Its the lack of personal hygiene that bugs me, also wiping his nose in his t shirt!!! He asked me to buy him some hankies which I did and he does use them but I still dont let him wear a t shirt twice in case he did wipe his nose in it! Sorry to be gross lol

msb5262

Hello OP,

My mum says it took her YEARS to teach my dad that he had to put clean undies, socks and shirt on every day - and to put the dirty ones in the washing basket...but he'd been waited on hand, foot and finger until he left home.

Don't despair! Boys are pretty much like this - my DS1 is 16, DS2 is nearly 12 and I've been at the point of tearing my hair a few times.

The key elements are

a) make it clear what needs to be done (eg. 5 lots of undies/socks/shirt put in dirty washing each school week)

b) make it clear what will happen if it's not done (eg. computer ban/grounding for specific period of time or pocket money withheld or reduced by specific amount)

c) check carefully whether it's been done and either praise/reward or apply sanctions...

and d) do this for another week or two before moving on to the next "skill" you want him to learn.

I thought Becles' post above was great - make them do the vital things before they can do the fun things.

Also getting stuff ready the night before works well, especially for kids who are like zombies in the morning.

If your DS finds it hard to organise himself, try to get him into the habit of going through what tomorrow involves last thing at night and using lists/reminders - eg. if he often doesn't have the right kit on a Thursday, he needs to make a list of what's needed in his schoolbag... swimming trunks, towel, goggles, drink, football boots, shinpads, shorts, top...and either laminate it or pin it to the bulletin board.
Then each week he can check what's needed and get it ready in advance.

Don't forget the lure of rewards to keep him on track - if he can organise his schoolbag correctly every night for a week, reward him with some pre-agreed treat. If you're really worried about the homework, contact the school and ask them to keep an eye on the standard etc for a month or so...then if there's a problem you can clamp down and get him to do it properly under your watchful eye for a week or two. Ten to one he'll start taking a bit more care, if only to get away from that!

Hope you find a way forward with this - boys are great but organisation tends not to be a strong point!

MsB

caz72me

My son has just gone up to high school and he sounds much the same,about 6 months ago I started a reward card system based around a daily routine card. You may need to write down things you want done over the next few weeks. I typed it all up on Word and printed it on a nice piece of card, and then printed out some reward cards numbered 1, 2 & 3 and basically every day he follows the routine and reports to me at the end of the day to let me know if he completed his routine (I usually know if he has or not), I then give him a day 1 reward card (green card), this goes every day through to day 3 and at the end of day 3 he gains a reward from a list (if he is into games then maybe tie this in with the use of games), obviously if he does not complete his proper routine then he doesn't get a reward card for that day so has to hang on longer until his reward. I have also based my disipline system around the same cards, using yellow warning cards which replace the green card (he has to hand me back the green card if in trouble), then he has to be on best behaviour for an hour (or whatever desired time would be suitable for your child) and then he gets his green card back. Red cards are for serious behaviour (which I'm glad to say is very rare to be used as the warning usually suffices) and I also issue a consequence to go with the red card, red cards are not replaced until next day if he has been good and followed his consequence. Probably a little confusing but you could try the routine list and your own reward system, and try putting a portable check list in his school bag and ask him to check that list before leaving school to make sure he has his homework, lunchbag, coat or jumper or whatever else needs remembering, my sons teacher helped me out on this one and helped remind him to check his list until he didn't need it anymore. Now he is at high school we have a 'which books do I need to take to school today' list along with his normal routine check list. Just make it worth his while by incorporating a reward system for doing it well. Good Luck

p.s. I had to keep reminding him the first few weeks 'have you checked your routine list and done everything' and suddenly he'd run up to the shower, or put his washing in the washing basket etc.

Start with even the basics:

ie..... maybe it could go something like this but to your routine you want:

Get up at ??:??am & Get dressed using clean shirt & underwear
Have breakfast
Clean Teeth
Pack school bag
Go to school

After school

Have snack & drink
Complete homework
Tea
Freetime starts once homework has been completed well
??:?? shower, clean teeth & put dirty laundry in laundry basket
after shower - quiet time (ie. reading or watching TV)
??:?? bedtime

midnightraven3

gingin

you feel like a bad mum?

you are teaching him
you feel like a nag
but you havent given up

sounds like you are a great mum

i dont want to be sexist
but can only post from my experience
2 girls, & a boy

both girls, independant in all repsects
son, could be, but was a lazy little sod if he could get away with it

he is now 15, and has gotten the hang of it all

hang on in there, one day it all clicks into place:)

natters_2

I think it has alot to do with the child themselves - I have 2 boys - 1 of them was (and at 20 still is) a complete nightmare - untidy & dirty to the point of disgusting - never did homework, lost clothes, books anything else that he possibly could he would, always in trouble altogether a royal pain in the butt.
The other who is 11 is tidy to the point of obsession - will never wear the same clothes twice, and changes as soon as he gets in from school - always keeps his room spotless, changes his own bedding every week and 9 times out of 10 does what he's told - including homework (he did have to be told it had to be done the same day it was given without fail or he would leave it until the last minute on a Sunday night!)

the_cat

gingin wrote: »

Sorry kegg, no wories, i'm just on a downer today. I left him at school having been on at him all morning and feeling like a really bad mum. I just wish there was a magic solution other than "nag". I don't make him get his lunch and so I think I might start that one.

You could try the short sharp shock treatment instead. My DS was exactly the same as yours at that age. The amount of clothing he lost at school was unbeleivable!

Eventually I got so fed up with it that I said the next item he lost, he would have to replace with his pocket money. Obviously, almost immediately he lost his school jumper and although I felt like a real b++ch, I made him go into school with his pocket money and buy himself a new one

It was the last time he lost stuff at school! He was still scatty about some other stuff, but having a proper consequence to his actions certainly helped make him more self-sufficient and responsible with other things too. Might work????

Becles

I agree with the money thing.

My eldest lost a £5 note last month that was paperclipped onto a form to pay for a school trip. They got their monthly pocket money this morning and he wasn't happy as his was £5 short