Exhausted mum and sleepless 5 month old

Gillby1

Hi to anyone kind enough to read my post.

I'm currently on maternity leave with my first baby (J), and i haven't had a full night's sleep for 5 months. I'm starting to feel ill with exhaustion and would really appreciate any suggestions for improving the situation!

J goes to bed at 8pm every day, and has a dream feed at 11pm. He then wakes for the first time at between 2 and 3am, then roughly every hour until 7.30am, and will cry each time until someone comes to him. We never pick him up, talk to him (other than shhhhhh!) or turn lights on (unless he's really distressed, or course), and he'll usually go back to sleep each time as soon as we pop a dummy in his mouth. Unfortunately, i can't get back to sleep quite as easily! He doesn't fuss for a feed until 7.30. We dropped the 4am night feed recently, and implemented the 11pm feed instead, as he had stopped being interested in his 'breakfast' feed at 7.30am.

We got rid of the dummy for two weeks entirely in the hope that he would stop waking, and after a few days he would happily settle to sleep without it. However, he still woke just as frequently, and it took much, much longer to settle him each time. Surely if the dummy was the problem, he would have forgotten about it after two weeks?! So we started using it again, but only for middle-of-the-night wakings. He naps without it and falls asleep at night without it.

I've read various articles and books on the subject, and we seem to be doing eveything 'right'. i.e. he self settles happily for all naps and bedtime, so we never rock, cuddle or feed him to sleep; he naps well in the day; we have a black-out blind and a quiet room; we always make sure he's well tucked in, and isn't too hot/cold; he has a consistent night-time routine - bath, feed, lullaby. I simply can't think why else he could be waking up!

J was exclusively breast fed until recently, but i'm gradually moving him over to formula as i'll be going back to work soon. He also two small meals of pureed veg/fruit with baby rice per day at the request of the health visitor, as he's a big boy! This doesn't seem to have any effect on his sleep.

I'm not sure whether i'm looking for advice or just sympathy, as i know there are no simple answers, but if anyone has any suggestions i'd be so grateful. And if anyone is going through anything similar, it would be nice to know i'm not the only one! I'm so tired i can't think straight!:o

Thanks,

Gilly

got-it-spend-it

Firstly hugs to you Gill. Exhaustion is debilitating and miserable so you have my sympathy.

My first suggestion would be to try dropping the dream feed. We found that a dreamfeed actually disturbed baby's sleep pattern and caused him to wake up more frequently through the night than if we left him to wake when he was actually hungry.

Also it is perfectly normal for a five month old to still be waking through the night. I know that is no consolation when you are exhausted, but don't feel that you are doing anything wrong. Five months is still very young in the scheme of things and despite what many mums would have you believe, the majority of babies don't sleep through until well past the six month mark.

Also can you get OH to do the 11pm feed so you can go to bed soon after baby does so that you are at least getting a few hours solid sleep before J wakes at 2/3am?

mwa

Hello

It certainly sounds like you are doing everything you can - the only question I have is whether he's still in with you?? My DD was a fantastic sleeper but my DS (now 10 months) was similar to yours until I moved him into his room at around 7 months as like you say he'd go off again eventually but at least that way he wasn't disturbing us as much.

As you will find out, children go through various phases ranging from sleeping, feeding, behaviour issues etc and each one passes and then it's on to the next thing. It's not even funny though when you are back at work soon and you will need your sleep to function so I'd definitely suggest moving him if you haven't yet done so.

MWA

Gillby1

Thanks got-it-spend-it - before the dream feed he used to wake even earlier, sometime around midnight or 1am, so i think it's helping a little. My OH does do the dream feed, which helps, but i'm struggling to get to sleep at night, despite being so tired all day. Typical!

MWA - he does sleep in with us, as we're in a one bed flat. We're moving in a couple of weeks, however, and he'll have his own room straight way, so fingers crossed that helps!

I think i'll keep trying the dream feed for another week, and if things don't improve i'll try dropping it. If necessary, i'll then go back to doing night feeds. At least he used to go back to sleep for a few hours after a night feed! It's just that the HV told me he shouldn't need them any more, so i thought i'd give it a try...

WestonDave

As I understand it, the hourly waking is possibly him coming into the light phase of sleep, and instead of him settling back down for another hours sleep he's waking up. If that's the case he may need to learn to settle himself to go through more phases of sleep - basically sleep is cyclical with deep sleep and light sleep alternating on a 45mins to hour basis. That possibly explains the timing.

The other hint in your post is that he settles nicely with a dummy. Sucking on something is supposed to be a form of pain releif for babies - somehow the sucking disrupts pain signals or something like that. I'm wondering if because he is lying flat just after a feed, he's getting a touch of reflux/heartburn once he's digested most of the feed - if you prop the head end of his bed up a little (either put some books under the feet at that end or put a folded towel under the mattress) so that the acid doesn't pop up so much, it might just resolve this if its an issue. I'm afraid I'm not a medic so this is just a parent of two passing on stuff which worked for us.

Other than that the only other suggestion is see if you have a nice friend with a spare room that will let you and your OH take it in turns for a proper nights sleep away maybe once a week!

Amanda65

I know I will probably get shot down in flames for this but if he is a big boy I would say that maybe he is hungry ? My children are 19, 17 and 14 and in back in those days (:D) they were on food after 16 weeks. If you are not doing it already maybe 'tea' should be one of his food meals and a little more substantial ? As your HV is already advising you to put him onto solids I think she would be a good one to ask for advice.

I would also say that moving him into his own room could make all the difference. If he does enter a light sleep phase and then you or OH snore or cough or even just breathe very heavily it may make him wake. Depending on how close he is to you as well he could also be 'smelling' you and milk.

All I can say is that it does pass and you do forget that sheer exhaustion of sleepless nights, only for it to start all over again when they hit 17 / 18 and are out drinking and partying and you are waiting for them to come home safely :eek:

lauren_1

Maybe you or your partner are waking him when he hits the light sleep phase? I refuse to accept the fact i snore but apparently i do....i do not by the way...its just heavy breathing!

Maybe you could you crash on the sofa and take it in turns with you OH to have a decent nights sleep once a week, a nights unbroken sleep is worth more than gold at the moment.

seconding what Amanda65 just said, he could be ready for a bit of supper before bed time like some rusk or baby cereal, maybe just a couple spoonfuls. Im not going to diss the WHO and their rule of 6 month weaning but weaning advice varies greatly around the world, many of us were weaned at 12 or 16 weeks here and are here to tell the tale.

alwaystryyourbest

hi not sure if i can help much ...
,but as you have said that he is your first baby, how does he sleep during the day,as you haven't got any other children why don't you sometimes try to have a little nap in the day,if he has a set nap time every day,try to get your jobs done so that you could have a hour or two in the day,,babys are hard work but try to remember they soon grow up,and he will soon be sleeping though the night good luck,,,,i've got 5 children so i'm always tired as well ,but i love every minute of having a large family...

Amanda65

lauren_1 wrote: »

Im not going to diss the WHO and their rule of 6 month weaning but weaning advice varies greatly around the world, many of us were weaned at 12 or 16 weeks here and are here to tell the tale.

Exactly - these are the same people who had withdrawn all their advice on healthy eating in pregnancy leaflets when I was pregnant with DD1 as they said you should eat loads of liver, only to find that the high concentrate of vitamin A could cause cleft palates. Good job I wasn't pregnant a few months before :eek:

SkintGypsy

My boy is just over four months and has gone from waking once to waking three times in the night. I feed him every time, because I feel he must need it. Am shattered. Thinking about either weaning or introducing formula. No advice, but we got through it once with DD so sure it will pass eventually!

Gillby1

Thanks all for your replies. As suggested, we do take turns on the sofa, but as OH works i tend to just get one night a week, and for some reason am still not sleeping well (despite ear plugs, glass of wine and reading a good book - which used to be the perfect recipe for a good night's sleep!). I'm sure it will pass soon enough, but just doesn't feel like it at the moment.

WestonDave - we already prop the head end of his mattress up, but thanks for the suggestion!

I think i'd put it down to hunger if he woke a bit later, but he has a full 8oz feed at 11pm so feel it's unlikely he's starving by 3am, particularly as he goes straight back to sleep so easily? Also, i have actually given in and tried feeding him at this time on occasion, and he falls straight to sleep on me.

Ha ha - i wonder if i've started snoring terribly due to tiredness, and OH is just too kind to tell me! Maybe it's me keeping the whole family up!!

I'll try increasing his evening solids a little at a time, and will just have to accept that we're in for a few sleepless nights until we move house. If nothing else works, we'll try leaving him to cry for a few minutes at a time, as i know that works for lots of people.

Thanks for all your ideas and sympathy. I know it's all worth it, coz he's a lovely happy boy most of the time! x