More ex OH woes

izzybusy23

My DD is 5 and a half; so does not really understand about daddy and a new girlfriend etc. When I have tried to talk to her about it she gets confused and says things like 'but I'm not her daughter' and 'but I will come back home won't I'.

A bit of background to ex OH. When he lived with us he was vile to his daughter; I always thought he blamed her for spoiling his life and the way he wanted to live it (likes his drink and getting totally bladdered) and since we all moved to one place to be together (spent the first 2 years of DD's life living 140 miles apart and he was weekend dad only) we never had much 'couple' time and nobody lived close enough to babysit DD. He would forever tell her to sit down, shut up and be quiet and literally the day before we split up DD went wandering in Asda and I 'lost' her for a good 20 minutes. I was beside myself with worry and phoned ex at work and told him that I needed him to come and help me look for her and his reply was 'I fu*king hate her'. Now since we split he has tried to pretend he is the doting dad and I am guessing its his parents doing as he has a previous DD whom he has never been allowed to meet and I am guessing his parents will not allow him to lose them another grandchild.

Therefore knowing how he was with DD when he lived with us, I am not comfortable her spending anytime overnight with him or his new girlfriend. They may well want to play happy families but I can imagine it won't be too long before DD gets on ex OH's nerves and he starts belittling her again. I am happy for him to continue to arrangement of seeing her every Sunday as he has done for the past six months.

Given all the info above on how we was previously, what is the best way forward?

Oh and I totally believe the ex OH and his new girlfriend were totally an item in May as they went abroad together; but I think he got a case of the wobbles and felt guilty (as DD was really playing up at home and school and put it down to the split) and thought he could come back home and I would welcome him back with open arms and when I didn't he went straight back to her... so I think that alone is questionable enough for confusing my DD? I also have a text from him when I told him I didn't want him back stating 'he thought he was cracking up' then a tirade of abuse about me being a wh0re, even to the point of telling DD he wasn't going to be her dad anymore because some other c*nt was going to be living in the house and not him..all paranoia because I told him I didn't want him back. I have the texts still to prove how vile he has been to me and what he said to DD.

My other concern is that his girlfriend was married (split from her own OH the same week as me and ex OH so they could carry on with the affair) and had step kids.. so if she can up and leave one lot of step kids at a whim for an affair, is she really the type of person to be around my DD?

izzybusy23

January20 wrote: »

I'm not having a go at you, but I fail to understand why when you had a perfectly good set up with the CSA, you then agreed a different system with your ex? Put it down to a hard lesson learned. You now know how much you ex doesn't care about financially looking after you DD, so go back to the CSA, start a new claim and stay with them! And don't trust your ex again!

Don't ask!! I totally trusted him when he agreed he would pay me direct from his wages as the CSA payments were taking too long to kick in. I cancelled the CSA and he cancelled his direct debit. Then when I said I didn't want him back, he immediately said he wasn't going to pay me direct and to go back through the CSA (basically to inconvenience me and cause hardship).. that was within one week of cancelling them and its been a nightmare since. He has lied and said the CSA took money from his account this month and on phoning them they haven't as the direct debit failed and he wouldn't do a card payment to them either. So two months with no maintenance.

I am back through the CSA but its turned into a right mess as its all got to be done 'clerically' now and not through the computer.. have no idea why but I now think they will be doing a DEO from his wages.

diable

Just read what you have written about your ex, give it time and I think the novelty of seeing his daughter every so often will wear off.

Do set up a timetable though so that he can't mess you around if he phones at short notice with excuses, being late, awkward and all the other tricks he will work on to make your life awkward and to wind you up and stick to them.

January20

izzybusy23 wrote: »

Don't ask!! I totally trusted him when he agreed he would pay me direct from his wages as the CSA payments were taking too long to kick in. I cancelled the CSA and he cancelled his direct debit. Then when I said I didn't want him back, he immediately said he wasn't going to pay me direct and to go back through the CSA (basically to inconvenience me and cause hardship).. that was within one week of cancelling them and its been a nightmare since. He has lied and said the CSA took money from his account this month and on phoning them they haven't as the direct debit failed and he wouldn't do a card payment to them either. So two months with no maintenance.

I am back through the CSA but its turned into a right mess as its all got to be done 'clerically' now and not through the computer.. have no idea why but I now think they will be doing a DEO from his wages.

Poor you! I can't understand how a parent could do this, and expect the other parent to pick up the pieces!

At least, now you know he is a liar and you can protect yourself.

dark_lady

Hi Izzy. Know you dont know me but just sending you hugs. Dont delete those texts he sent you just in case you might need them later on.