More ex OH woes

izzybusy23

I've posted on here a couple of times; once about my marriage breakup and my ex leaving me for a girl he worked with after a night out and the 2nd time about my ex asking to move back in as a family as he realised he wanted me and his DD.

Fast forward not even 8 weeks and he has now just moved in with the girl he originally left me for; after begging for me to take him back.

Now my dilemma is that when I was trying to find out if these two were an item in May they both vehmently denied it, to the point where she said in an email 'why on earth would I want to meet your daughter' when questioned if they were planning on introducing her to my daughter after just a few short months. I found out today that after only 8 weeks since I said I didn't want him back in our lives he has moved in with this girl and he wants our DD to spend every other weekend at their house. My issues are:

1) this girl lied about having an affair with my husband and said she had no interest in meeting my DD at the end of May

2) I feel he is trying to play 'happy families' with my DD with his new girlfriend only 2 months after begging to come back home and on the phone to me today he said that he lives with said girl as its 'cost effective'

I am in turmoil. Yes I am damn angry about all the lies and cheating thats been going on but I can't help feel that my ex doesn't know what the hell he wants and is just going to whoever will have him and I don't want my DD confused. Also how can I now trust his new girlfriend after saying she has no interest in my DD. Also in the past he has refused to give me his contact details other than mobile when he has taken DD out for the day

Just to add to the mix he didn't pay me any child maintenance in April or May but him and his new girlfriend went away abroad for a holiday in May; he started to pay in June via the CSA and asked to come back home beginning of August and because we were getting on amicable we arranged a direct payment scheme which he backed out of immediately once CSA was cancelled and hasn't paid since as there has been one huge mess with the case now he cancelled his direct debit.

Any suggestions?

zoelouise88

It sounds as thought the women was probably not lying about meeting your daughter in may, maybe she just thought of it as a casual relationship/affair. She may not at the time thought the relationship was going anywhere.

I can understand how hard it is for you, going through such a hard time with him and now having to worry about his short term gf having to meet your daughter. It does sounds as though hes only moved in with her as you refused to take him back. If i was in your shoes i would tell him that you do not want your daughter meeting this women yet as its a new relationship, it would probably be better to wait a few months.

x

gratefulforhelp_2

Go back to the CSA. Consider mediation if you are having difficulty arranging contact that you can agree on. Hugs.

nearlyrich

Please don't ever use your daughter to get back at your ex for what he has done, not saying that you are going to but many people do and it's unfair on the child. If you can play fair with access you will emerge the winner in the long term, it's annoying and upsetting that another woman gets to play happy families with your husband and child but hold your head up and work out how to share the care of your little one benefit the child.

diable

Go back to the CSA and make sure that you are getting what you deserve for the child and get it back dated. Make sure you have all is contact details including mobile and home telephone number and the address where he is living as otherwise you will not leave your child with them.

Don't allow yourself to be a pushover and tell your ex that you are filling for divorce and naming her as being a partner to the breakup, it doesn't mean anything in this day and age but she may not like the stigma attached to it.

LittleTinker

The support payments are something different to access and you ought to start proceedings with CSA again.

As for your DD and access with her father, I do not believe that you have a right to say who he can and cant be with or who he takes his DD to see. Yes, you might not like it however, she is his child as much as she is yours and he has a right to see her and take her where he wants and unless you have serious reasons (with proof) as to why your DD should not be in the presence of his new GF, then there is nothing you can do.

Would you like it if your ex started kicking up a fuss about who you saw in your own time?

izzybusy23

LittleTinker wrote: »

The support payments are something different to access and you ought to start proceedings with CSA again.

As for your DD and access with her father, I do not believe that you have a right to say who he can and cant be with or who he takes his DD to see. Yes, you might not like it however, she is his child as much as she is yours and he has a right to see her and take her where he wants and unless you have serious reasons (with proof) as to why your DD should not be in the presence of his new GF, then there is nothing you can do.

Would you like it if your ex started kicking up a fuss about who you saw in your own time?

Hi

I think its more the fact he wanted to come back home to me and DD less than 2 months ago and because I said no due to his affair, he has now picked back up with the woman and moved in with her.. I'm just not comfortable with it as it feels like he has just gone back to her as I said he couldn't come back home to us. Up until this morning he was still lying to me saying he wanted DD overnight and when I asked where she would be staying he just said 'my place'; its only when I questioned him early on today he admitted he had moved in with this woman. Now, I am the child's mother so I do have the right to know where she will be staying (address and telephone number) and who will be staying with her. I am just totally not comfortable with my DD staying overnight at a house with a woman my ex cannot decide if he wants to be with or not and whom my DD has never met.

And my ex has already questioned my affair with an 'invisible man' and threatened to call tax credits and have me done for fraud and that I was a wh0re and sleeping with said 'invisible man' in our bed.. so I know all too well how much he would had kicked up a fuss (when wouldn't take him back etc) so I've already been through that.

Maybe if they had both been upfront and truthful right at the beginning instead of desperately trying to hide that they were together, all of this could had been sorted out months ago so its all raw again.

denton6

sending you a hug, i really no how you feel right now, you may have seen my thread on here, i kind of got grief of some people cos i am the same i dont want them playing happy familys with our kids. but as people keep telling me i cant do anything to stop it and that really hurts. keep your chin up you are the better person in this and you are the true parent that hasnt walked away from your child x

rachel6188

Ladies, Iam so sorry that you are both being hurt and i really do understand your wanting to look after your children. you arent trying to be awkward or nasty i think you just dont want your children confused so soon and staying with people they hardly know or have never met. i really hope you are both ok. xox

January20

Of course this girl is going to lie to you about having an affair with your husband. If her morals are low enough that she will do that, she will have no qualms about telling you lies. It's also quite possible that she didn't know what your husband was going to do. In May, she may not have had any intention of meeting your DD. She may not want to now either, but the situation is different isn't it?

I'm not having a go at you, but I fail to understand why when you had a perfectly good set up with the CSA, you then agreed a different system with your ex? Put it down to a hard lesson learned. You now know how much you ex doesn't care about financially looking after you DD, so go back to the CSA, start a new claim and stay with them! And don't trust your ex again!

Perhaps your ex is trying to play happy families. Your ex may not know what he wants. However, this is not your concern. What you need to care about is you and your dd. You need to make sure you are both safe and secure financially and emotionally. You can't tell your ex what he does with you dd when he has her, but he has to tell you where she is. You must have proper contact details, and set up contact times that suit you as much as him.

You say you worry you dd will be confused. How old is she? Can you talk to her and explain the situation so she can understand it?

Have you seen a solicitor?

Pollycat

Get your CSA payments sorted out immediately.

I can understand your anger about how you've been treated by your ex.
It's bad enough to have your partner leave you for another woman but for him to come back begging forgiveness, then !!!!!! off again is much worse.



You need to separate your feelings about

• your OH & his new partner and
• your daughter

Although LittleTinker says:

As for your DD and access with her father, I do not believe that you have a right to say who he can and cant be with or who he takes his DD to see. Yes, you might not like it however, she is his child as much as she is yours and he has a right to see her and take her where he wants and unless you have serious reasons (with proof) as to why your DD should not be in the presence of his new GF, then there is nothing you can do.

Would you like it if your ex started kicking up a fuss about who you saw in your own time?

and I can sort of see where she's coming from, I personally think that it's too early in your ex's new relationship for your daughter to be spending full weekends with her Dad and somebody she doesn't know.
Of course, it does depend on how old your daughter is and what sort of relationship she had with her Dad before he left.

I wouldn't stop her seeing her Dad but I would try to explain to him that you think it's way to early for her to be spending time with this new woman in her Dad's life.

Let her see her Dad on his own for a few hours until she gets used to it.

Then (if your ex is still seeing this woman), allow your daughter to see both of them for a few hours.

Then, heartbreaking as it will be for you, if things are working out let her stay overnight - if that is what she wants.

Regards