Advice - self harm

foreign_correspondent

it could be an impulse control disorder, rather than deliberate self harm - http://www.brainphysics.com/skin-picking.php

if it is, she may well do it when stressed, and might not even be aware she is doing it - it is also very hard just to 'stop', and telling her off about it may just make her feel more stressed. Good luck with the doctor, I hope s/he is sympathetic.

RadoJo

Just to offer another perspective, I am also a picker - I think it started when I was younger and used to get eczema and has continued into adult life. It isn't really a problem, is not caused by stress and isn't symptomatic of anything underlying (so I have been assured), but more like any other absent minded action like smoothing hair, interlacing fingers or any number of harmless habits - something I do without giving it much thought but which doesn't cause me any problems either.

Obviously, you will know the scale of your DD's situation and whether she is at risk of infection or serious injury, but it will probably help to bear in mind that she isn't necessarily withholding information from you or covering up some deep angst - she might just be doing it without giving it a second thought.

I also agree that surprising her with a doctor's appointment might not be the most helpful thing to do - if you want your daughter to be able to come to you with any problems she may have, then fostering an open and honest line of communication would be a healthier starting point than making her feel as though she has a problem or drawing attention to things that she might feel self-conscious about. You obviously really care, so I'm sure you will be able to support her whatever happens.

starnight_2

Nothing may be bothering her much, it may have become habit now. Or when she's slightly anxious she does it, though doesn't realise it is tied to her anxiety. She may not even be aware she is doing it half the time, and you will know if she is aware as she will attempt to hide it.

I really wouldn't surprise her with a doctors appointment, if she doens't want to go don't force her as you want her to be able to come to you. If you force her to go this may actually put a barrier up to her asking your help in the future. Also, when it comes down to it she has to want to help herself, she may not see it as a huge problem at the minute, even if you do.

when_will_it_end

hi

my dd was a similar age when she started, she may not want to go see the doc but go yourself and talk to him

my dd said there was nothing bothereing her, as she is older now she said there was but she thought i would think she was silly or mad as the urge to self harm over powered her to much

i had help from organisations such as CHAMS it is a sevice for children with mentle health issues, maybe the doc could point you in the right direction

she had a counciler (sp) that went to see her at school so it was allways on her ground so to make her feel comfortable

good luck xx

p.s i know my spelling is not that good i can not down load a spell checker

nancy17

That's scary, I would get it taken care of ASAP and take her to her dr.

nzmegs

I agree with some of the other posters that this doesn't sound like self harm due to stress or anxiety. I have a really bad habit of picking at spots on my upper arms and sometimes have to wear long sleeves for weeks while i wait for it to heal. I do it when i am completely calm and I find it relaxing...weird i know! I find that not having access to the area really helps. if I wear long sleeves to bed I will "forget" to do it. Perhaps getting your daughter to wear gloves to bed and to cover up the patches with bandages might break the habit.

Also finding something else to do with her hands and to keep her occupied might help. try knitting or sewing as she can be doing this in front of the telly instead of picking. You may find that as she becomes more interested in boys etc that it might stop. Girls become quite interested in looking their best and she may want to keep herself looking good!

By all eans go to the doctor if you think it is a big problem, but you migth turn something which she doesn't see as an issue, into an issue simply by making a big deal of it.

Indie_Kid

Please don't force or talk her into talking about it or going to the doctors. My parents didn't (although they weren't aware of the extent of my problems, as I was at uni) and I was glad they didn't. It was just a quick chat on the phone and that was it. The people I lived with at uni, basically forced me to talk about it - I hated that and would avoid them as much as I could because I knew they wanted to talk about this.

needanewjob

Thanks to everyone who replied. We did go to the Doc's, she was really understanding, but I get the impression she thought I was making a drama that wasn't there. She wants to go down the medical route first, so we've got strong cream / soap alternative, antihistamines to be taken before bedtime, and hydrocortisone cream for the bad areas. She seems willing to help herself with these things, with my help. Fingers crossed this is a turning point. x

baby_fuzz

Lots of people suggesting the doctor... but could it be because she doesn't have anything better to do? could you get her involved in more activities - team sports, walking, or perhaps something like swimming, where she might feel a little self-concious about her hands and legs on show, so it would provide her with a reason not to?

starnight_2

baby fuzz: that may sound like a good idea, but you risk putting the child in a worse position. Even if she doens't mind so much, how would she feel if she were forced to show her body like, that you risk causing more harm by damaging her self-esteem and giving her body issues, which teenagers are already at risk from.