Need Advice Please

Mopsypops

Hi All,

I could really do with some advice please,

Well its about my "dad" He and my mum married before i was born but she found out he had an affair on my 1st birthday and he left to go with the other woman, They went through courts for him to see me (which he never did) and he was told to pay maintainence for me until i was 16 and for my mum until she re-married, It was in the divorce but again he never did and i didnt find this out until my mum recently got re-married and had to show proof of her divorce

He has now married the other woman and she has 2 kids none of which are my dads (their dad died before my dad met her)

I dont see him and he has never seen his grandkids aged 7 and 3! but is the doting grandad to his step kids children which is upsetting

My mum was was wondering if he died would i be entitled to anything as his only biological child?

I have asked my mum why she never bothered to take him back to court to get him to pay maintainence etc and she said my grandad being the proud man that he was told her to forget about it but to be honest i dont think she ever has and blames my "dad" for her struggling to hold down 3 jobs for years to get by

Thanks in advance

MrsE_2

If his wife is alive it will go to her, if she is dead to you. Unless he has made a will to say otherwise, in which case it will go where the will says.

Mopsypops

Thank you

freyanneke_2

Just out of curiosity, why would you want anything from someone who didn't stay in touch?

Mopsypops

I dont want anything from him but my mum feels im "owed" He left on my 1st birthday and hasnt paid a penny even though part of the divorce states that he had to pay x amount until i was 16, I told her if she feels that way she should've done something about it before i turned 16 (12 years ago!!) Shes even said I should go to a lawyer to find out if theres anything they can do about the money he never paid but im not that interested,

Im asking to give her answer lol he hasnt even passed away and to be honest i probably wont even find out when he does!!

pinkshoes

No amount of money would make up for his lack of presence in your life, so personally I'd just forget about it, move on, and concentrate on your own life.

Personally I wouldn't want to receive a penny from someone like that, as it would feel like tainted money! I'd just tell your mother that happiness in life is far more important than some cash from someone you never knew.

If her previous husband had already died, and he's helped bring up her other children, then I would be pretty certain that he has a will leaving everything to either his wife her his step kids, as she would be aware of what happens when a spouse dies having gone through it once.

Mopsypops

I agree totally!

Im proud that everything i have today including my 2 gorgeous kids i have got myself (well maybe with a little help from my hubby lol)

My mum needs to move on and even though shes re-married i dont think she will, She always brings up the past and says things like she never wanted kids but he did so she had me for him and he left....Thanks lol

I dont know how many times ive told her that even though she remembers me with him, I dont, He is a stranger to me and I dont need him in my life.

pinkshoes

Mopsypops wrote: »

I agree totally!

Im proud that everything i have today including my 2 gorgeous kids i have got myself (well maybe with a little help from my hubby lol)

My mum needs to move on and even though shes re-married i dont think she will, She always brings up the past and says things like she never wanted kids but he did so she had me for him and he left....Thanks lol

I dont know how many times ive told her that even though she remembers me with him, I dont, He is a stranger to me and I dont need him in my life.

In which case, perhaps you need to be frank with your mum, and tell her that you have no interest in your biological father or his money, so can she just stop mentioning it, as you're 100% happy with your life the way it is, and don't want or need anything else.

If she still doesn't let it drop, then I guess she's just still bitter about it, and perhaps wants some money for herself to move on (if that doesn't sound too odd???).

Nixer

It is different in Scotland (noticed mopsy's profile says she's in Glasgow). If he dies intestate his wife gets the first 42k and the rest is split between biological or adopted children. I don't know what happens if he wills it all away from children though, but I'm sure I read somewhere that it is pretty difficult to disinherit children in Scotland.
Whether you tell your mum that is up to you though. She's obviously regretting not doing anything about it, which is her problem, not yours but on the other hand, if I were in your shoes I think I'd feel entitled to something as he never bothered to fork out or contribute in any way for your upbringing and therefore your mum had to do it all. You don't have to look at it as tainted money, merely as what should have been given to you when you were a child.

Mopsypops

Nixer wrote: »

It is different in Scotland (noticed mopsy's profile says she's in Glasgow). If he dies intestate his wife gets the first 42k and the rest is split between biological or adopted children. I don't know what happens if he wills it all away from children though, but I'm sure I read somewhere that it is pretty difficult to disinherit children in Scotland.
Whether you tell your mum that is up to you though. She's obviously regretting not doing anything about it, which is her problem, not yours but on the other hand, if I were in your shoes I think I'd feel entitled to something as he never bothered to fork out or contribute in any way for your upbringing and therefore your mum had to do it all. You don't have to look at it as tainted money, merely as what should have been given to you when you were a child.

Yeah i think thats the way she feels - He has missed every birthday, Christmas, My wedding day etc and in a way i see her point

I think she just wants me to get what i should got years ago and she probably regrets not doing something about it at the time and i know it drives her mad that the new wife hasnt worked a day in her life and the kids were spoilt whereas she struggled with 3 jobs just to get by

I dont know if he adopted his new wifes kids or not but i do know that he wouldnt let my step dad adopt me when i was little.

Make-it-3

If you have been content all these years never to get in touch with him and treat your step-dad as your real dad then best to let things be.

Apart from not allowing you to be formally adopted he has effectively given you up so its highly unlikely you will be featured in his will, unless as stated you get something by default because you are next of kin and he dies intestate.

I think you need to tell your mum to put it to rest, its too late for her to contest things in the divorce that weren't adhered to at the time.