Husband at work earning money, wife at home with babies spending money

runninglea

Hi I am new to this site and have been reading all the threads with their useful responses.

My 'problem' is that having recently become the proud father of twins, I am out at work doing more hours than ever and not spending hardly anything each day. However everyday there are switch payments made whether it is to asda, tesco, farmfoods or boots. These amounts mount up even if it only £5 - £10 each time.

How can I cut these amounts out as everytime I approach the subject I am told it is for the babies or something we have run out of. When we were both working we never used to spend everyday - just do our weekly shop which we still do now.

What does anyone suggest?

MrsTinks

Look at what exactly IS being bought... babies need lots of things, by the sounds of it your other half is on her own with 2 babies - one can be extreemly hard, 2... I daren't try to guess!
If it's things that are actually needed then I guess just looking at if they are as cheap as possible, if they are NOT things that are needed why you need to sit down and work out why your OH feels the need to buy them... Is it an excuse to get out of the house, I can't imagine how she must feel being suddenly "stuck" with 2 babies must though I'm sure they are loved. It's a HUGE change to your life going from working to suddenly having very limited access to other adult conversation and "normality"... Could she be suffering from post-natal depression? With you working more hours she's shouldering the home burden and a MASSIVE responcibility on her own (at least in her mind) of keeping the babies safe, fed and happy.

If you think she might have post natal depression try speaking to her health visitor...

SeaThreePeeO

Congratulations on becoming a father! How old are your twins? If they're very little then I suspect things will eventually settle into a routine and things will become more organised and then the odd £10 here £10 will decrease.

However babies and children are expensive and as they grow you could find yourselves spending out more on clothes, nappies, toys, food and medical stuff.

My youngest is 4 years old and I still manage to run out of stuff mid week. But then I have had my brains addled over the last 12 years

CatValou

I suggest you both keep a spending diary and all your receipts. It will soon become clear if there is any unnecessary spending going on.

winner12

Hi there
I have twins age 6 now its a nightmare and very expensive and also very lonely unless she has lots of friends and family close by.
I did run up large debts so no doubt you want to avoid this but if she is on her own all day and you constantly check and ask what she is spending on she may resent it has she given up a good paid job this takes some getting used to.
I now stick to a budget and openly discuss finances do it together rather demanding its done your way input is a two way thing I not saying you dont help out just see it from her point view
.

Apricot

You're title makes you sound very resentful at the moment is that how you feel? obviously babies do cost a lot of money but are you just thinking that your OH is going to the supermarket everyday to give her something to do? I can't imagine it would be easy to get to the supermarket with twins so very much doubt this is the case.

jojo1964

Make the most of it, it only gets worse as they get older, designer clothes, games consoles, subscriptions for sports, trainers, school trips etc etc, but i wouldnt change a single thing.

yay-me

I am a stay home mum with two children, although not twins (3 and 10 months). I also have two older children aged 12 and 8 who obviousley are at school during the day. In the three years I have been at home not working I would say I have managed to run up about £20,000 of debt and as a result have just entered a dmp. My husband works long hours and it is basically boredom, loneliness and the internet that have made me so irresponsible. I too was just spending little and often and it soon mounted up until it was out of control.

Saying that my husband has never made me feel that he resents me spending the money while he earns it, in fact if he said no to me occaisionaly we might not be in this situation!!!

Analyse what the money is being spent on. Impulse buying due to boredom probably accounts for most of it. When you have a baby you want them to have nice new stuff.

As long as you are not getting into serious debt because of your wife's spending habits, and it makes her feel good about herself to go shopping perhaps you could set a weekly impulse buy spending limit.

runninglea

Thanks - I do understand what you are saying and am only worried as we are both trying to get our debts down before her maternity finishes. As there are two it is difficult to work, put them in a nursery and actually have a financial gain.

I do understand that she goes out and meets other mums because if she was stuck in the house all day, it would got be good for anyone.

runninglea

Sorry just seen the comment about me being resentful - I'm not at all, probably just the way I wrote the thread. I was just interested in other peoples views and looking for a solution

SeaThreePeeO

I think the key really is watching what you spend, seeing if you can get something elsewhere cheaper and getting second hand stuff while the babies are still small as they grow out of stuff so quickly. You'll find loads of baby clothes in charity shops that have never even been worn.