Does your partner now EXACTLY what you owe?

SkintMonkey

I was wondering whether your other half knows the true extent of your debt? Do you tell them everything and if not, do you plan to?

I totally adore my husband and we are totally honest and open with each other. But....he doesn't know how much I owe and I think if he had to guess would put it at just £1k.

I'm on the case to trying to sort it out and don't want to worry him about it. We share everything else in our lives, but I don't want him to have to share the worry for my debt.

savvykaz

So how much do you actually owe:rolleyes:? and would he be mad if he knew the truth :eek:?

moozie_2

SkintMonkey wrote:

I'm on the case to trying to sort it out and don't want to worry him about it. We share everything else in our lives, but I don't want him to have to share the worry for our debt.

Hi there

I went through a massive reality check earlier in the year, when I discovered this forum and I was totally scared of telling my partner how much I owed and why. He had an idea, but like your partner, no where near the true figure.

I took the decision to come clean and although that was probably the scariest time of my life, it was a milestone in our relationship but all for the better. It felt good to be totally honest and share everything, just like a couple should in my opinion. My partner had a small amount of debt and seeing my attitude change, helped him tackle it and he's now 1 month away of being totally debt free.

He has helped me emotionally by being there for me to vent my complaints and frustrations and he has never judged me for my lack of intelligence when it comes to finances. At least I made the right choice when choosing him I have one spreadsheet where I keep all my moneysaving stuff and he has access to it although, I know, he reads this forum and he trusts me and that is the best feeling in the world :j

Looking back now, I can honestly say that the day we had that discussion was the day I knew we are together for the long run and not long ago we got engaged :kisses2:

I do think partners need to know because otherwise some of our DFW actions make no sense to them and might be interpreted the wrong way. More importantly though, a partnership is about more than the easy/happy stuff and it makes them and us stronger to share our fears/concerns/mistakes

Wonder_Girl

My OH knows everything, with the exception of my old overdraft it has all been accrued over the last 18 months, i was made redundant early last year and OH was out of work for 6 months.

I can understand how some people don’t tell their partners, but my OH and I are very open and I think the stress of lying or hiding something like this would drive me mad and even put a strain on our relationship.

WG x

CAFCGirl

Well my BF knows exactly how much debt I'm in! LOL

However to be honest it may have been easier to tell him because we're not joined in any financial sense, nor do we live together.

So it was easier to let him know how much debt I was in, because it was 100% my problem and I was the one tackling it.
I'm glad he knows and he has never for one second judged me. He cant really, he's technically in more debt than I am! But I think he picks up on things that I do because he knows Im aware of my debts, and the things I can do to combat the situation, and that in turn helps him with his. Although he hasnt had his LB moment!

Maybe it would be a lot different if I'd acquired most of the debt during our relationship, or "because" of our relationship.
If anyone can see what I mean! LOL

elantan

ive been with my hubby since i was 15 ..he knows it all every last penny ..funny thing is though i still tell him porkies ..like the new ring i bought he thinks is silver ..it's platinum..the necklace and earings to match he thinks are silver..the picture hanging on the living room wall he thinks cost £50 it was £400 ...and the old favourite ..oh i've had that for ages...don't know why i do it ..but i do get away with it ...i even got away with ..infact i aint going there incase he ever joins this forum ..but lets say he thought it was £250 or there abouts and it was £4000 plus...

Batgirl

My husband and I know everything about everyone, I know every penny he spends and owes and vica versa and I wouldn't want it any other way. Fortunatley we both had our lightbulb moments within a couple of week sof each other so have been battling the debt together which makes it kind of fun :eek: ( I know I'm mad)

livinginhope

SkintMonkey wrote:

I totally adore my husband and we are totally honest and open with each other. But....he doesn't know how much I owe and I think if he had to guess would put it at just £1k.

I'm on the case to trying to sort it out and don't want to worry him about it. We share everything else in our lives, but I don't want him to have to share the worry for our debt.

My DH knows how much debt WE are in,everything we do is shared,boring I know but when we married that was how we wanted it.
You say you are totally honest with him,but by not letting him know the true extent of your debt,you are bending the truth.You also have to remember that a problem shared is a problem halved and maybe he could take some of the strain off of you.If you tell him you will feel so much better

SkintMonkey

I owe around £3.5k - so not mega bucks, but still too much!

I think I feel that I can't bare to see the disapointment in his face. He is so good with his money, generous but careful and I've been so selfish (not that I've got anything substantial to show for it).

I had such a sick feeling today, we were in a shop looking at playstation games and he was trying to decide whether to buy oen he really liked the look of, but he decided not to as he bought a game last month. I suddenly thought, oh shi*t how selfish am I.

I know this is going to sound lame, but I think I'm going to try and make more of a dent into the debt before I tell him, that way I will feel more confident and can show him a postive plan.

I've had lightbulb moments before (how many do you think one person can have?), but today was really the turning point for me.

Never again.....

I would be interested to know how you went about telling your other half, did you just sit them down and come out with it....?

elantan

not mad at all i think that's the best way....but it don't make me want to confess all to my hubby though lol

spud30

Our debt has been very much run up together, and yes, he knows the amount.

He is worse than me re spending, loves his DVDs and XBOX games, but I used to have £80 haircuts so I'm possibly (surely not ) just as bad.