Am I crazy to do it that way round?

misscoupon

Hi all,

It's my first thread on this forum so be gentle.
Here is a quick summary of our situation, we've basically booked a fantastic holiday for next year and I've convinced my partner that it should be our honeymoon (he didn't need much convincing to be honest).
So we've gone ahead and provisonally booked registry office and affordable reception venue for next year as well!

Now, I can't say anything to our families because we aren't officially engaged (he hasn't asked me as he wants to buy a ring to do it 'properly'). We've been together 5 years and although I'm always happy when I see friends with their shiny rings, I don't want to have to wait a few months to be able to shout to the world that we're getting married!!!

Has anyone else done things back to front? I just think I'm being crazy...

tamarto

IMO If you've booked the wedding you are engaged, ring or no ring.

missknixon

I agree with tamarto! It is very nice news for you - I can understand why you want to shout from the rooftops! I got engaged after 6 weeks and hid it from my family for about 4 months - until we had been together for a sensible length of time! It was so hard - at least I lived away from home so just took my ring off when I went home to visit. We did tell them we had been engaged for a while but didn't want to announce it and upset people (his parents).

Personally I would be hoping I got the ring sooner rather than later!

Birdie85

People do things all sorts of odd ways round now so if it's what you're happy with, go for it! I had to wait a couple of weeks after getting engaged before I could say anything because it had been a bit of a spur of the moment thing and OH had wanted to ask my Dad before making it official and it really took the shine off it for me. By the time it was official it was kind of old news and I didn't get the whole running about announcing it to the world thing... mainly my fault because I'd let a few people in on the secret and they'd passed it on to people and by the time I could actually wear my ring they all knew anyway! Me and my Big Mouth! LOL!

I know a couple (who just got married on Friday actually...) who booked their wedding in Turkey 2 years ago then went back last year to get the engagement ring and get officially engaged! So they had a whole year between booking the wedding and getting engaged! That would have driven me mad!

misscoupon

Wow, that was quick!
Yes Tamarto, I do consider us engaged that's what makes it so hard at the moment. It must be a male ego thing, that my partner doesn't want us to tell till he's been able to get me a ring.
Thanks all for your replies, keeping it secret is a daily struggle...

MrsC....tobe

misscoupon I know where you're coming from! Mine is still a secret after all these months and I want to shout it from the rooftops! Most people know where I live but it still can't reach a certain person so we have to be careful!
missknixon - I'm with you on that one! We talked about it within 6 weeks of being together, I was asked over MSN of all things very shortly after that, officially asked 2.5months after being together and he phoned my dad a couple of nights after that to ask his permission (he couldn't do it face to face before he went home again lol). FOUR months later I got my ring, mostly because I kept saying I didn't want one but in the end I didnt have much choice (and I love it!!!).

misscoupon, I would consider you to be engaged as the wedding is booked, even though it may not be official until you actually tell anyone/have a ring. But it can be official without spending a fortune on a ring as much as you may like one. I remember all those years ago when my Dad and stepmum sat down and told us all they were getting married the next "May June July August September whenever we can fit it in" (that was their words!) and then a few months later stepmum got her engagement ring on the arm of a wee teddy for her Christmas as they didnt have a lot of money.

Everyone does things differently, you may family totally surprised (and maybe a wee bit annoyed) when you finally tell them how long you have been engaged, but that decision is totally up to you!

There will be so many things that you need to do between now and then, we are all here to help

Congrats and good luck! x

Dizzie77

hehhehehe - congratulations....!!
I'm currently organising a wedding for a couple who aren't "officially" engaged yet - he asked her in January, but wasn't happy with the way he asked, and hasn't given her a ring yet - but apparently it will happen by the end of this month...!!
I did joke that their wedding would be organised before they were officially engaged..!!!

misscoupon

Thanks a lot ladies, your replies are really sweet and understanding. We're meeting photographers this week, so if I keep myself busy with wedding related stuff, then the day he 'actually' proposes will come very soon

Woohoo! We're getting married :j (Glad I could tell someone!)

lisa26_2

We're planning our wedding for May next year, OH hasn't actually asked me and I don't have a ring yet, we just agreed we should get on and do it as we want kids and want to get married and feel we should do that in the right order! We've told our parents and a few other people but mostly we're waiting till I have a ring to announce it.

poppyscorner

I'm a back to front bride ................... in fact I remember posting a similar thread to yours a number of months ago lol

The advice I got was that once you've both agreed to marry you are engaged regardless of a ring I seem to remember someone saying that actually the giving of a ring is a fairly new custom actually.

I am engaged I have promised to marry my gorgeous fiance however I still have no ring we can't agree on one we like he likes big and flash I like practical and simple and delicate I think we're just about there though !

I don't feel any less engaged right now because it isn't on my finger the venue is booked the dresses are ordered (just) and lots of other things are arranged family have said nothing about the absence of the ring and neither has anyone else we're not traditional I know that but neither one of us minds

xx

misscoupon

That's our reasoning too (married first, kids second). Planned date is June 18th next year. I'll have to let my family know before Christmas, just so that they can arrange their travel... . We've already sorted out the venue, so it will be our day, our way