Life after bankruptcy?

ani_26

So_Sad_Angel wrote: »

Ani - Good luck with emptying the kitchen it will all be worth it

I wish i could believe that. It's a long way down the road.

Anyway have a good sunday....looks like being a hot summer day too ! :j

Angiexx

Where are you, the bihamas? :rotfl:

miggy

Bleugh times happen because it's Sunday, I suppose. At least that seems to trigger them. Still ani the car is bee-oootiful, which is nice. (Have to admit I'd never even heard of brick acid... something new every day).

It's completely understandable for you to continue with the 10p purchases - for one thing it makes the rest of the money available for other uses, and for another, it saves things going to waste. Very green and friendly.

Only you could do a 50p 'new' car though. Bit like that couple in the TV ad, if you know the one I mean? Where they are pushing a trolley round with a new car perched on the front, then they remember the kitchen roll...

Emptying kitchen - don't even do it a box at a time. Just one item twice a day will make a huge difference. (Okay, a grain of salt doesn't count).

I have just sorted out some spices so DD can take spares to Uni. Who knew I had some from 2009? And I thought I'd thrown out the older ones too. Probably I did - some years ago.

Work calls... well it doesn't, if it did I would be very alarmed and think I was either late or, worse, that they wanted me to do the night. :eek: Ani, I have no idea how you worked the hours you did but I'm jolly glad you're off that treadmill now.

Must go, catch up later.

ani_26

Yup, it definitely isn't the bihamas here today, so i haven't been outside, which is not such a good thing, or maybe it is? Still. I have emptied the larder, which will be demolished, and found some food which needs to be eaten, which will save me spending money on food this week. I'm still not hungry, anyway. It's strange packing, ( at least i saved some boxes,) for the third time in two years. It is very unsettling, in truth. It is two years ago when i was faced with the repo , and now this place is in such a mess, and will be for some considerable time. There's nowhere to store anything, and i won't be able to move in the living room, soon. I can now appreciate why the former tennants couldn't face the upheaval of the improvements, especially when you are ill. However, if i don't make a start, i'm never going to empty the kitchen. I guess i'd have it emptied in a day, or less even, if i had someone to help.

I was watching a programme this week. Only the lonely. It just made me think, almost eight months down the line and i'm still not accepted by this community. I'm told, they are wary of " incomers ". What a sad world we live in. I don't even know any of my neighbours names, even the odd one i converse with, from time to time. I'm getting maudlin today. Must be the packing. I'm more isolated than ever. More reclusive than ever. What is the point if living, if you have the same four walls to keep you company?


I was thinking about a new diary, whilst i was packing. Two years, and i still can't find a reason to live. I know i should be thankful, but for what? Having a roof over my head? It's all very well being alive, but aren't you supposed to have some purpose in life?

I considered calling my diary life. Maybe i should drop the bankruptcy bit, as i don't need to be reminded i'm still insolvent. Maybe i should take a leaf out of miggys book and call it earl grey and ginger. What is the meaning of life, if you can't come to terms with it?



You come here to do certain
specific
things.
You may have one task
or many.
Your tasks may be obvious to you.
or you may need time,
effort,
maybe struggle
even to clarify
your tasks.
You may never quite even clarify your task
until the moment
your time in this body
ends.
You may work on your task for years
before you realize,
“This is my task.”
The tasks you came to perform
may take the whole of your life
or be done in an instant.
You may be aware
you are performing your life task
while you do it.
You may perform your task quickly,
hardly noticing
anything special,
unaware
you are doing the task
you came to do
while you do it.
Your task may be so easy,
obvious and
natural,
you never even wonder,
"What is my task?"
Your unique blend
of talents and interests
may lead you
to your task
and you just do it.
Or, your task may be a constant,
unpleasant
struggle
you fight
every step of the way.
Your task may be noble and wonderful
and gain you
recognition,
rewards
and honors.
Or, it may be simple,
totally unnoticeable
by anyone else.




Every thought you have,
Every action you take,
Every feeling you perceive
is an experience.
Experiences are neither good nor evil.
Some experiences are short,
some are long.
Some experiences will be fun,
others will be excruciating.
Sometimes experiences seem interconnected,
sometimes they seem random.
They are simply experiences.


Your experiences will come to you through four modalities:
physical,
emotional,
mental
and spiritual.
Your body will give you physical messages of
sensation,
movement,
pain and
pleasure.
Your emotional mechanism’s feelings
will attract you
and repel you
in different directions,
sometimes conflicting.
Your mind’s thoughts
will make logical inferences
and judgments
about your experience.
Your soul’s intuitions
will guide you
to realize
the deepest subtleties
of your experience
and its meaning.







You will be born
with a powerful
innate desire
to remain alive.
You will do almost anything
to continue living.
At some point
you may discover
some limits,
and allow your life
to end.


The thing i still don't understand is the inherent will of most people, to live?

silentsister

Thank you Ani for those provoking thoughts. I wonder sometimes if our task is just to be - to face what is in front of us and be whatever we can be within the situation.

You have been amazing at sharing through such very difficult times, and when you are feeling down and worthless you are actually creating a group of people who care about you very much. We won't meet you - we won't even know if we do meet you - but you are special to us. For me, you are one of the first people of the day that I "meet" and I also check how you are in the evening and say Goodnight. Thank you for being who you are and for the gift of yourself that you've given me.

beanielou

What a lovely post silentsister~thank you.

ani_26

silentsister wrote: »

Thank you Ani for those provoking thoughts. I wonder sometimes if our task is just to be - to face what is in front of us and be whatever we can be within the situation.

You have been amazing at sharing through such very difficult times, and when you are feeling down and worthless you are actually creating a group of people who care about you very much. We won't meet you - we won't even know if we do meet you - but you are special to us. For me, you are one of the first people of the day that I "meet" and I also check how you are in the evening and say Goodnight. Thank you for being who you are and for the gift of yourself that you've given me.

It is a lovely post, indeed, one which just makes you cry, and for which there are no words. Thankyou. xx

ani_26

Rainbow_Bridge wrote: »

Perhaps one reason is, who really knows what happens at death, there a million different, passionately held opinions, as Hamlet said,

HAMLET: To be, or not to be--that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep--
No more--and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to ….

Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all.

It would be so nice to know for certain and then it would be far easier to make intelligent decisions, otherwise it might be a case of swapping one set of problems for a bigger bunch :rotfl:.

It's not a question of death, more the question of soul? Are tortured souls ever laid to rest? I don't have the power of articulation this morning.

ani_26

Another day in paradise, and i slept longer again this morning. I'm having one of these bleurgh times, for no apparent reason. Maybe i have been trying to do too much? I know by now, the slightest thing, whatever the reason, will trigger. Gawd, i'm so messed up. Now my diary is nearing an end, i'm questioning whether i should continue exposing my thoughts, my life. For now, it's a trip to the po, to see if i am temporarily solvent, and more phone calls, as insurance and benefits still need sorting. Another day in paradise.

beanielou

Keep plodding xx

ani_26

beanielou wrote: »

Keep plodding xx

Thanks beanie. xx

When is your birthday? :bdaycake:


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