Life after bankruptcy?

Hiddenidenity

ani_26 wrote: »

Not sure about that one. Depends how you define well?

If its the same case as me today. I asked myself am I still breathing? Well thats as far as m beineg well goes today

ani_26

The garden was " finished " such as it is for now. Its surprising how you can immerse yourself in it, as it were. Lawn mowed, back garden and weeding finished ( just about, its a never ending task.) Lemon balm planted, the last of the sweet peas and sweet william seeds chucked directly into the ground. I notice it said sown? Chucked will have to do. But i cleared a corner for them. You're on your own. I can't be bothered anymore. I can't be bothered to plant the seedlings, either. I've got so much " stuff " on my patio i can't be bothered with. You're on your own too. After 4 or 5 hours in the garden, ( does it really take me so long?) i couldn't keep awake. Slept most of the evening, and i just couln't bring myself out of it.The times i woke up, i was so, i don't know.

A neighbour commented the other day on how much i'd done. Wouldn't you have been better being more organised and doing less? Of course, they don't understand what its all been about. Neither do i. I bought some rockery plants. I don't have a rockery, per se, but the plants are thriving. Huge. Beautiful. You shouldn't have them there. I know. I don't care. What difference does it make? You've just commented on how incredible they are. Look at your garden, and you're a gardener for a living?



I guess there will be more planting required soon.

ani_26

Hiddenidenity wrote: »

If its the same case as me today. I asked myself am I still breathing? Well thats as far as m beineg well goes today

Hope all goes well xx :grouphug:

ani_26

This last few weeks has made, yes made me, reflect on certain issues.

When i first started this diary, i could never comprehend how i was feeling, back then. I've been asked how i changed my name, which led me to think why i chose my name in the first place, and thats how it was, at that point. It was a description of myself. It still is, to some extent, if i'm being honest. Depends where you are in that given moment in time. Life is still very much lived in moments. Didn't i say myself, if someone read my diary and it helped them? Do i really care about helping others? of course i do. But isn't it about time i focused on my own well being? How? Sometimes its beyond me, that people do read my diary. Even more so, there are humans that respond or reply. God, i'm finding this difficult to focus. Isn't this a very public domain? Some people thrive on the hub of public domainess, i suspect. It has never occurred to me that even one person would worry about me. I'm so, whats the word? by my thoughts. Its true. I suppose i've been through different passages, even since back then. It may not necessarily feel like it, but i suppose i have. I don't know how to articulate today. I don't know how to move forward today. People offering me food parcels and the like. Me, now at the point where i accept. It shouldn't have to be. Don't we live in a cilvilised soceity? Not in the third world.

I now have to make more decisions. After all *** says you'll have to get rid of your phone etc. I'm already virtually socially isolated. To do this, takes away virtually my last contact with soceity. The outside world. Realistically i DO have to get rid of phone, internet, basic tv licence. Realistically, i can't afford bus fare one day a week, to services, civilisation. You see progammes on tv about people who never see or speak to another living soul for days, weeks on end. Is this life? Its some people's life, but what life? Thats what it boils down to isn't it? Life? Quality of life? The meaning of life? And guess what they are talking about on the tv right now?

Got side tracked from my thoughts by the tv and that part of me that has just rung ***. Of course, you can't get hold of the person who is dealing with you, for an indefinite, unknown period. What to do?


I don't know what to do today. I honestly don't know what to do. Where do i go from here. My thought process

beanielou

If I can just say I obviously dont know who is advising you but I really dont think that it is realistic in the world that we live in today for people to not have a basic internet package.Different if you were within easy distance of a library or similar with easy internet access.
Just my thoughts.

ani_26

beanielou wrote: »

If I can just say I obviously dont know who is advising you but I really dont think that it is realistic in the world that we live in today for people to not have a basic internet package.Different if you were within easy distance of a library or similar with easy internet access.
Just my thoughts.

Still procrastinating on tinternet, as i still don't know where to turn first, today. I need to get out of here.

Thats the problem of living in the relative sticks. Without a car, it makes life a challenge, ( still have ani at the mo.) There's a mobile library which comes i think one a fortnight or once a month, but only has books, not computers. The public transport system is equally as random, ( if you can afford it.) I already have a basic tinternet / phone package. Its as cheap as you could get, ( without getting rid of it altogether.) but this is what *** are saying. How do you ever rehabilitate yourself?

I seriously have to get out of here and off tinternet.

ani_26

Honestly. How effin frustating are politics, hmrc and the benefits system? this is people being destroyed, isn't it? or is it self destruction?

beanielou

Most definatly not self destruction as far as I can see.

miggy

I can't remember the name of the site I'd heard of for free car valuations but when I googled it there are lots. How good they are, I don't know, but maybe you could look at three or four and take an average?

I think if people are wanting to send you things it's the tip of an iceberg of how much they care about you. It's the bit people can do to help.

{{hugs}}

(am off to make space in that inbox ).

ani_26

Dya know what, father xmas hasn't been today, and i'm still on the effen tinterntet, ( might as well make the most of it whilst i can,) and i'm just about to blow a fuse, ( as stressed out as could possibly be.)

It's still remarkable that people who don't know you, can care about you.

Maybe its because you never know what goes on behind closed doors, or in someone else's head. Most people have had similar experiences which have touched them at some point in their life, but would never talk about these things. How many times do read on here, i can't tell such and such, or i've changed my name because i don't want such and such to know. Be true to yourself. Be honest with yourself , and care for those who care for you.

YEEEEEEEHAH - father xmas has just arrived.

I have some posh teabags and a bedraggled smelly.


ps i found some in the garden last night, only after i'd pulled up what i thought was a patch of weeds.


Thankyou so much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx