Money Moral Dilemma: Should neighbour pay as her son smashed the window

Snazbaz

hushabye wrote: »

I have been on the flip side of this dilemma.
My own son accidently ran into my neighbour's wing mirror whilst outside the house, it was not smashed but was hanging down from it's position. He immediately came in and told us what had happened and my husband went nextdoor to tell them and see if he could fix it back on. He couldn't and so offered to pay for the damage, despite the fact that money was very tight at the time.
We were very friendly neighbours at the time and I had, for several years had my neighbours' children to play round frequently, taken them out with us in the holidays and watched them whilst they 'popped out'. None of which was ever reciprocated.
She came to the door to ask for £130 for a new wing mirror (for an old Vauxhall Astra), and said the whole thing had to be replaced. We felt that we had been well and truly 'done over' and that none of the past favours had meant a thing to them.
We rarely speak these days, and having been 'done over' by someone for what we considered to be the right and honest way to deal with the issue, I would hesitate to own up over a similar thing in the future.

Someone smashed a wing mirror on my previous car (a 10 year old Peugeot) last year - it was an electric mirror that couldn't be repaired and the whole thing had to be replaced, which cost well over £300. I was shocked at the cost.

The guilty party wouldn't pay up, so our insurers lawyers insisted on starting court proceedings against him, at which point he paid for the replacement mirror. Luckily he doesn't live near us, but this illustrates that sometimes the insurers take the matter over and it's out of our hands what action they take.

rabbity

Charis

>> I'd honestly say that if a car got damaged by accident I'd be of the mind that they took the risk parking in the street so wouldn't pay.

So have you never had to park on the street e.g. when visiting someone? If someone then damaged your car in front of you, would you be happy for them to have this attitude?

And what about your family and friends visiting you? What if your parents/brothers/sisters car parked outside your house got damaged?

gazzebo69

Most of it has been said, but it really comes down to the fact that if they didnt offer to pay in the first place then it says it all.

If it was me, I would have offered straight away.

Your neighbour is wrong and should pay, however, getting the money out of a morally defunct and skint neighbour is another thing.

montymontezuma

In an ideal world, the neighbour should have, without a doubt, paid for the damage caused BUT we don't live in an ideal world.

If I had done this as a child, my mum would've been very hard pressed to find the money - I suspect my nan & grandad would've had to help. However, As the cause of the accident, I would've been expected to take responsibility in some shape or form for what I had done. I feel the son of your neighbour is not receiving a lesson in consequences & I think I would suggest that regardless of if the neighbour really can't pay (even a small weekly sum) or not, the son should've been brought round to apologise & offer to do things for you to atone - car washing, weeding, lawn mowing, etc. It's fair enough expecting the parent(s) to make amends but what will the child have learned - deducting pocket money isn't the same in my opinion - he should look you in the eye, apologise & have to come to you to make amends.

Dan_Thunder

hushabye wrote: »

I have been on the flip side of this dilemma.
My own son accidently ran into my neighbour's wing mirror whilst outside the house, it was not smashed but was hanging down from it's position. He immediately came in and told us what had happened and my husband went nextdoor to tell them and see if he could fix it back on. He couldn't and so offered to pay for the damage, despite the fact that money was very tight at the time.
We were very friendly neighbours at the time and I had, for several years had my neighbours' children to play round frequently, taken them out with us in the holidays and watched them whilst they 'popped out'. None of which was ever reciprocated.
She came to the door to ask for £130 for a new wing mirror (for an old Vauxhall Astra), and said the whole thing had to be replaced. We felt that we had been well and truly 'done over' and that none of the past favours had meant a thing to them.
We rarely speak these days, and having been 'done over' by someone for what we considered to be the right and honest way to deal with the issue, I would hesitate to own up over a similar thing in the future.

To be fair to your neighbour the damage might also have been internal. I've had a damaged wing mirror that looks fine from the outside but in the end the whole thing had to be replaced.

Back on topic, yes she should pay. If I accidentally drove into someone else's car I wouldn't say "Sorry, it was an accident so I'm not going to pay for any damage, toodles!"

maxcat

Wow, I'm really shocked that the neighbour did not offer to pay. I also do not buy the " I cannot afford it" line. Even £2 a week would show that she had some regard for her relationship with you, and the inconvenience and expense you will have to shoulder.

pennypinchUK

The obvious answer is that the neighbour should pay. Getting the money from them is quite another thing.

You could go down the legal route, but it'll take time and expense. Ultimately, is it worth pursuing this for £50? If £50 is a lot of money to you and you're willing to spend the time, go for it.

Or you could just forget it, put it down to them being a bad neighbour and enjoy giving them the cold shoulder for years to come!

Luisa1981

I think the OP should go and have a calm word with the neighbour and try and resolve this reasonably. It's obvious that the child didn't MEAN to break the window, these things happen. And to those who have said he shouldn't have been playing in the street - better that than being holed up inside with a console!

If I was in the OP's position I would give the neighbour some options:

1) That she pays you back over an agreed period of time,
or, if that's really not an option for her:
2) Suggest that the little boy makes it up in odd-jobs - garden clearing, car cleaning etc.
If the £50 is also crippling for the OP, maybe this would be an option
3) Meet 1/2 way, £25 off neighbour, with child doing some chores to help. It's better than a kick in the teeth.

John_Blackwell

If the neighbour is short of funds, perhaps you could claim on the liability section of her household insurance (if she has any!), as this covers acts of negligence by anyone permanently living in the insured property.
It will probably not affect her premiums and would be a lot easier and less discordant than taking legal action or falling out.

BNT

Some things you might want to consider when figuring out how far to pursue this:

Is the £50 a big amount for you? Could you agree to split it?
How old is the child? Is he old enough to do some work (car washing, for example) as compensation?
How well do you know your neighbor? Is there a risk this will escalate beyond where you feel comfortable? Is there a risk of more "accidents"? [That doesn't necessarily mean you should not take what action you think is right, but you do need to consider that there might be consequences]
Do you have children who are friends with the boy?
Is this an isolated incident? Have you asked him not to play ball near the car before? Is he still doing it?
Do you rely on your neighbor when you are away, or for anything else?
Was the boy with her when she apologized? Did the apology seem genuine? Did he understand what he did?
Do you feel that setting an example of forgiveness is better than setting an example of taking responsibility?
Is the 'can't afford it' excuse genuine?

Don't let the situation get you stressed. You can choose to pursue the £50 that is rightfully yours or you can choose to be forgiving and let it go. Both are right in their own way and you can feel comfortable with whichever choice you make.