Going through divorce in your 20's help?

penny82_2

Hi,

I am in my 20's and going through divorce, we have been separated for nearly 2yrs now. It was my choice to leave and still think it's the best thing I did but I am struggling with the whole divorce thing.

I have met a few men and been on some dates since I have been separated but when I tell them I was once married and soon to be divorced it often puts people off.

I was married young and I suppose men my age don't expect me to have been married and divorced so it must come as a shock but I am a nice person and there is more to me that my past.

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can approach the subject in future as its really putting me off and I am starting to lose confidence

gratefulforhelp_2

Say you were very young, and you made a mistake, and you are much more careful now. We are all allowed to make mistakes and if there were no children involved it isn't the end of the world.

You'll meet someone. Maybe mention it only when asked or a little later on?

penny82_2

Thanks for the comment, yes I was very young and very stupid but I am stronger now for the experience.

I have tried telling them upfront and the last person I met I know for a little while before he asked me. I explained as I have in my post and now he has gone very quiet. I don't understand as I am still the same person, I have no children which is more than can be said for alot of the people my age and I have a good job.

claretmatt

It takes time to get to know someone and part of that is your history. You don't have to offer that information when you are first seeing someone, just like you don't disclose other areas of your life until you got to know someone better.

In all honesty people are generally with others warts and all and if another man can't get over the fact that you were once married then you'll probably find out that they are not right for you.

My missus says you have to kiss alot of frogs before you meet your prince.

nearlyrich

I was married at 23 had two children and divorced at 28 I know people tend to get married later now but you have no children tying you to an ex which is one of the "problems" of a single person dating a divorcee..I am sure you will be fine good luck..

penny82_2

claretmatt wrote: »

It takes time to get to know someone and part of that is your history. You don't have to offer that information when you are first seeing someone, just like you don't disclose other areas of your life until you got to know someone better.

In all honesty people are generally with others warts and all and if another man can't get over the fact that you were once married then you'll probably find out that they are not right for you.
You are very right, warts and all

My missus says you have to kiss alot of frogs before you meet your prince.

Also very true your missus is 100% right as I am sure she will make you aware

LittleMrsThrifty

I am, or will soon be, in a very similar position to the OP, except this wasn't my choice. I worry a lot about how I will tell people in the future so I will be watching this thread with interest. I had hoped that it wouldn't be much different to saying I was in a long term relationship, but perhaps not.

I am trying to get my divorce through asap so that I'm not technically still married. OP, do you think this has been an issue for you? The fact that until your divorce comes though you are still a married woman?

[Deleted User]

OP i was in your position several years back, got together with my brother's friend age 16, engaged 19, bought house 20, married 22, then he left me at 26 for my best friend and we divorced when i was 28. At the time of him leaving my world was over, but looking back it was the best thing ever. We both moved on, i've heard he is still with my ex friend and they married, i went on dating direct and after 9months and several dates i met my now hubbie and obviously married again with two children. I never thought that would happen at the time of my first husband leaving, but life changes and eventually you will meet someone.

I have to say, the time between my ex leaving, me becoming stronger and living on my own was the best time of my life, i had freedom for the first time ever. Not accountable to anyone. At the time i felt a bit lonely when i heard the family next door through the walls, but i enjoyed what i had. Now, well i'm mummy and me time rarely happens. Not that i can or should complain.

[Deleted User]

Little Mrs Thifty, I was still technically married when i got together with my now husband, it was only the fact that our relationship was going so well, that i decided to push for the divorce and it was dealt with in a few months.

velvetybubbles

i know someone who's going through their third divorce and it dont get any easier apparently lol

penny82_2

LittleMrsThrifty wrote: »

I am, or will soon be, in a very similar position to the OP, except this wasn't my choice. I worry a lot about how I will tell people in the future so I will be watching this thread with interest. I had hoped that it wouldn't be much different to saying I was in a long term relationship, but perhaps not.

I am trying to get my divorce through asap so that I'm not technically still married. OP, do you think this has been an issue for you? The fact that until your divorce comes though you are still a married woman?

I am sorry to hear about your situation but I believe that everything happens for a reason. I feel that I am trying to rush my divorce through now after being seperated for a 16 months as I need to start my new life and I still feel that while I am seperated I cannot truely move on. Thanks for the PM I have replied