ex friend query

red_devil

I used to be quite friendly with someone then she stopped bothering and it fizzled out.

She came into somewhere i was working a few years ago and came up to reception neither of us spoke but we both knew who the other was?

Last week she was accessing another service that i use and i saw her first and pretended not to see her! I know later on she did the same, our eyes just didnt meet at that time?

Has anyone else met up with people later down the line and what did you do? I dont particularly like her but wondered if i should just smile if we happen to use the same services? If she blanks me though i shall feel a fool?

I cant understand why neither of us spoke on that first meeting we just didnt? Anyone else been in that situation?

Wintermute

About a month ago I ran into a former friend on the bus, again things kinda "fizzled out", partially due to my girlfriend no longer getting on with him (I met her through him) and partially due to him turning into a bit of a nutter after a few drinks. About a month ago I seen him on the bus, he obviously seen me and I obviously seen him, but nothing was said, he was even standing next to us while waiting to get off the bus, but nothing was said. It was slightly awkward and slightly childish just to ignore him, but it's so much simpler that way

julie03

i have been in this situation, was fairly good friends with someone years ago before i got married, then her kids started at the same school as mine, i wasnt sure if it was her at first, so didnt say anything and she hasnt said anything to me, we just tend to ignore each other, but everytime i see her i feel uncomfortable because i should have said hello when i first saw her, its been going on a year now

so sorry cant really advise you, i wish i'd said something the first time so i didnt have to feel uncomfortable everytime i saw her

Errata

Why not smile and say hello next time you see her, instead of snubbing her which is what you've been doing so far. Good manners and courtesy cost nothing.

fernliebee

Like Errata, I would just say Hi and smile next time I saw her. If she blanks you then at least you can hold your head up as the grown up of the situation, if she is continuing to be petty then that is her problem.

gonzo127

agreed what does a smile and hello cost you?

SandC

It just takes one of you to break the ice, but I can understand you are worried about being blanked. But, you would be the bigger person if that were the case.

I do know where you are coming from though. I fell out with a good friend many years ago (okay, I nicked her boyfriend for no good reason and it didn't last anyway - she was okay at first and then wasn't and refused to have anything to do with me again). Now she's turned up on Facebook and the old 'gang' who are from school have started adding her and she hasn't added me but she must be getting nudges from FB etc. and seen postings perhaps from me. But she's not adding me and I aint adding her. I don't want to be blanked again and she probably still hates me.

Oh yeah, all this happened over 20 years ago.

Primrose

People do move in and out of our lives all the time according to prevailing circumstances and there's no need to feel awkward that you've both moved on. The best thing to do is just smile, say Hello, and a friendly passing comment on the lines of "Hope all's OK with you?"

danielley

Same thing happened to me, just the other day. Bumped into a girl that I was really close to when I was 17-18 but I met a bloke and settled down and then we just lost touch (it was 13 years ago and this was before mobile phones and the internet for any youngsters reading!) It was in Sainsbury's and it was kind of dreadful. We both said Hi, but I felt paranoid that she looked terrified that I would try to talk to her properly, so I just left it at that.

Its just an awful awkward feeling when you do bump into someone like that. In someway it is worse than bumping into a sworn enemy!

I used to worry a lot that there was something wrong with me as I wasn't close with any of my old school friends, but when I looked around, I realised that I wasn't alone. Its a pity that once so much time has lapsed that we dont feel we can reconnect when we meet someone again.

Regarding the Red Devil Original Post

If you know that nothing terrible happened as the reason that you lost touch, then the next time you see her, you could always play dumb and say that you hadn't been sure it was her the other times you saw her and ask how she is doing.

Good Luck and here is to being brave, feeling the fear and doing it anyway!

Vaila

usually if i see someone i acknowledge the fact that we have moved on from each other and are not part of each others life , but still id feel it rude to try and ignore the person so a quick smile or nod is better than trying to struck up a conversation or pretend to not notice the person

SandC

I actually posted on facebook just last week that I'd been skulking around the aisles of a shop that lunchtime as I'd spotted someone who I wanted to avoid and it turns out I am not alone in that!

I can't even tell you why I didn't want to acknowledge this person (ex boyfriend from over 10 years ago), but sometimes you just wanna let things lie - strangely even though you know there won't even be a conversation - just a nod of heads and a hello.

I would say don't ever feel bad - because they have done the same so if you are ignoring them - they are doing likewise!