Its all a huge mess and I just cant cope.

stelly

I'm sitting here crying and cant stop.

I cant do this on my own anymore and really need help so I've finally plucked up the courage to lay it all bare.

Things have always been a juggling act with money in my house. We were managing (just) on my OH's wage.

I went back to work a couple a months ago and finally thought there was a light at the end of the tunnel (what a fool).
I was so happy at being able to pay more than the minimum on our debts and also maybe about being able to take our DS on holiday.

It is now falling apart !!!

This is were it's all gone wrong - My previous thread

My OH now has no job.

For the first 2 weeks he didnt even bother to look for one - no matter how many times ive told him we need money.

He's now signed up with various agency's but keeps turning jobs down because there not what he wants to do or they are'nt paying enough or their too far to drive to and I'm at my wits end.

In the last 4 weeks he has done 5 days.

Yesterday morning he turned down another shift and I completely lost it.

I sat and showed him how much money goes out in a month and how much comes in.
I thought he had understood when I said that come the end of this month we cant pay any of the bills.

Then he had a phone call later asking him to do a shift and he said no it's too late at night :mad:.

I'm not speaking to him now and i've been crying ever since.

I don't know what to do.

Our debts are pretty bad but i've always been able to make sure everything gets paid. Not anymore!!

What makes it worse is I now cant even talk to my friends about it.

He has lied to all his friends about what happened at his old job.
His friends are married to mine (i met them all through him when I moved here) and they now think that he left his job voluntarily.

As the title says it's a huge mess and I really need help in how to sort it out.

Stelly xx

concerned43

Sorry to hear about your predicament. It appears you have two problems here.
1) Your OH
2) Your debts

The first thing you should do is calm down. You must find out why your OH does not want to work. You should do this in a calm, friendly way - otherwise you will rub him up the wrong way! Calmly ask him "what's up" - let him talk, do not interupt. Give him lots of encouragement and then discuss how you are going to tackle this as a couple...without critising him. I know you probably just want to kick his backside just now but it will achieve nothing! and I think he must be pretty stressed out right now.

With regards to your debts, I don't know if you have published a SOA here but while your OH is unemployed then perhaps he could pop down to the CAB and go over the SOA with then to see what can be reduced - this would allow him to take ownership of the debts -which would take some of the strain from you- the CAB can also check whether there are any benefits you may be entitled to!

CCCS_Sue

stelly wrote: »

I'm sitting here crying and cant stop.

I cant do this on my own anymore and really need help so I've finally plucked up the courage to lay it all bare.

Things have always been a juggling act with money in my house. We were managing (just) on my OH's wage.

I went back to work a couple a months ago and finally thought there was a light at the end of the tunnel (what a fool).
I was so happy at being able to pay more than the minimum on our debts and also maybe about being able to take our DS on holiday.

It is now falling apart !!!

This is were it's all gone wrong - My previous thread

My OH now has no job.

For the first 2 weeks he didnt even bother to look for one - no matter how many times ive told him we need money.

He's now signed up with various agency's but keeps turning jobs down because there not what he wants to do or they are'nt paying enough or their too far to drive to and I'm at my wits end.

In the last 4 weeks he has done 5 days.

Yesterday morning he turned down another shift and I completely lost it.

I sat and showed him how much money goes out in a month and how much comes in.
I thought he had understood when I said that come the end of this month we cant pay any of the bills.

Then he had a phone call later asking him to do a shift and he said no it's too late at night :mad:.

I'm not speaking to him now and i've been crying ever since.

I don't know what to do.

Our debts are pretty bad but i've always been able to make sure everything gets paid. Not anymore!!

What makes it worse is I now cant even talk to my friends about it.

He has lied to all his friends about what happened at his old job.
His friends are married to mine (i met them all through him when I moved here) and they now think that he left his job voluntarily.

As the title says it's a huge mess and I really need help in how to sort it out.

Stelly xx

Hi Stelly

Sorry to hear of your current situation.

You don’t have to cope with all this on your own, especially if you feel that the debts are getting on top of you.

If you would like to speak to one of our debt counsellors about your situation, you can call us free on 0800 138 1111.
Lines are open Monday to Friday 08:00-20:00.
Alternatively you can visit our online debt advice facility called Debt Remedy. Debt Remedy would assist you in completing a financial statement and you would be provided with tailored advice on the best way to deal with your situation. This link will take you directly to Debt Remedy www.cccs.co.uk/ref/drcu

Regards,
Sue

stelly

concerned43 wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your predicament. It appears you have two problems here.
1) Your OH
2) Your debts

This has hit the nail on the head. Right now they are both so entangled with each other and im finding it hard to seperate them.

I'm trying to be very supportive and positive towards him. I felt that although it was his fault, me being down on him wouldn't help the situation but I cant get my head around him refusing shifts and yesterday was the final straw.

I've been taking as much work available but I only earn just above minimum wage and its like sticking a plaster on a 10inch wound.

I've always been the person who sorts out the money so everything apart from the mortage,secured loan and his CC it's all in my name. So im going to have to be the one to sort it.

I did try to talk to him rationally but he didnt say anything.
He's always been like this when he is in the wrong, he just goes very quiet.
Usually i can get through to him when a situation is bad but for some reason I cant seem to explain it to him in a way he understands.

I thought he had understood when we talked about the huge shortfall there will be at the end of this month but he then refused another shift.

I'm scared to do a SOA - I know I have to though.

Ive been late a couple of times on payments for my CC and catalogue over the years but I've never missed one and I've never missed a payment to the mortgage etc and I'm feeling scared and ashamed that its all going to fall apart in one go.

Entirely irrelavent as well but it's my DS's birthday in a couple of weeks and I cant buy him the present he asked for and I feel rotten about it.

I feel like I'm having a pity party for one.

smk77

concerned43 wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your predicament. It appears you have two problems here.
1) Your OH
2) Your debts

The first thing you should do is calm down. You must find out why your OH does not want to work. You should do this in a calm, friendly way - otherwise you will rub him up the wrong way! Calmly ask him "what's up" - let him talk, do not interupt. Give him lots of encouragement and then discuss how you are going to tackle this as a couple...without critising him. I know you probably just want to kick his backside just now but it will achieve nothing! and I think he must be pretty stressed out right now.

I agree with this. Having read your post about your OH and his job I'm guessing that he probably feels responsible for everything and it's eating him up inside. Try and put the money issues out of your mind and work out how to best deal with your OH's potential problems.

stelly

Ok here goes.

Feeling extremely sick and very ashamed.

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 1
Number of cars owned.................... 1

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 400 Average
Partners monthly income after tax....... 300 His wage so far
Benefits................................ 38.49 Child tax credit
Other income............................ 81.20 Child benefit
Total monthly income.................... 819.69

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 182.5
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 302.6

Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 3
Council tax............................. 118
Electricity............................. 65
Gas..................................... 29
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 0
Telephone (land line)................... 13.50
Mobile phone............................ 5
TV Licence.............................. 12.29
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 59 This is sky,phonebill and internet
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 200
Clothing................................ 25
Petrol/diesel........................... 150
Road tax................................ 0 It is due this month and was going to be paid with OH's Birthday money
Car Insurance........................... 0 Paid until March 2011
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 15
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 29.75 Building and contents
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 20.17
Other insurance......................... 25.54 Mortgage Insurance
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Boiler Insurance........................ 16.50
Sky Insurance........................... 7.75
Total monthly expenses.................. 1279.60

Assets
Cash.................................... 1500
House value (Gross)..................... 85000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 1000
Other assets............................ 1500
Total Assets............................ 89000

Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 35000....(182.5)....0
Secured Debt.................. 27703....(302.6)....0
Total secured & HP debts...... 62703.....-.........-

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Loan 1.........................488.02....54.97.....0
Loan 2.........................413.5.....36.44.....0
Credit Card 1..................2965.05...59........0
Sister.........................940.......80........0
Overdraft......................1660......20........0
Catalogue......................614.94....65........0
Credit Card 2..................4484.32...110.......0


I have tried to put all I can think of.

I dont know the interest rates for anything :o:o.

Please give me any advice, harsh included.

tasha-debt

Your tax credits etc seem very low, have you been on to entitledto.com and checked your benefits now that your OH does not have a job?

dumpy

On a practical note, you could cancel sky and sky insurance, that'll save you some money. You may also be able to shave something off the grocery bill. But as you say it's a small plaster on a big hole.

No other practical advise but I can understand your frustration if he is turning down jobs.

jayII

You need benefits advice as soon as possible.

As Tasha said, above, I would get onto entitledto.com and follow their instructions to claim whatever you should be recieving. Then start to cut back as much as possible, by cancelling Sky and switching whatever you can.

stelly

Morgan_Ree wrote: »

Yeah and turning down shifts when the money is so desperately needed is helpful is it?

Reading your post I can't see anything constructive (with the exception of cancelling the sky!) All I see is a very strange idea of what this woman should be doing. Filling in his applications, email for him (my fav so far!)) making his lunch? Why not just tie the little woman to the kitchen sink and be done with it.

Very strange indeed.

OP your tax credits seem really low. Are you paying back an overpayment?

I know the sky should be the first thing to get sorted.

R.E Tax credits - My OH was on over £25,000 a yr and this was all we were entitled to.

I'm a bit scared about contacting them as I'm not even sure if we will qualify for that anymore as i'm not guarenteed 16 hrs of work a week.

I did more than that last month but it has only been 11 hrs this week and the same next week.

I don't really know where to start with it all .

NorthernLas

Stelly - Practical suggestions, there is no point feeling sick and ashamed it does not help.
You need to find a was to get OH to 'help' you with this situation. I am sure he very much regrets what happened, but the situation is not hopeless.

You need to encourage him to take any work available - it will help financially, but it will help him if he keeps busy.

1. Focus on getting enough together to pay your essential bills - this looks like roughly £700 + £200 (food).
2. Your SOA says you have £1500 in cash, is it available to help pay essentials (maybe 2 months worth?)
3. If your overdraft account is where your wages go, you need to set up a new bank account (co-op cashminder) and get your wages/benefits paid into it.
4. To make the essentials buffer go as far as possible, I would suggest that you need to stop DD to credit cards and loans and write to them explaining you are taking financial advice.

There will be lots more, but if you get essential bills covered in the new account, you are doing your best.
I also think speaking with CCCS for practical advice would be very helpful (or CAB if you want to speak face to face).

I think it is worth speaking to benefits if you think you might average 16 hours a week, you have nothing to lose.

p.s. You are right about not being his Mum, can you keep emphasising that you and him need to work together to get this sorted. If he thinks you are shouldering the lot and telling him what to do, he may behave like a petulant teenager.