'What's a necessity in modern living?' poll discussion

Jacks_xxx

k.o.d wrote: »

What a load of utter tosh. If a child has to rely on a console for being happy, they are either 1) spoiled rotten 2) Incapable of logical and interesting thought for themselves 3) Socially inept.
It is NOT an essential, and a console does not make a kid happy, you are talking about keeping up with the Jonses and your 'perceived' social standing rather than having happy kids.
Deprived childhood because they had no console, never heard so much claptrap in one sentence.

As I keep saying, it's not about the console itself, or the money it costs - it's about the unhappiness caused by the social isolation of not fitting in with your peer group, when it's what your friends seem to do all the time and it's all your friends seem to talk about etc. It's about wanting something really badly and being denied it.

Nothing to do with the Jones or the social status of the parents.

A child who is actually socially inept and wants a games console could be helped to fit in by being able to connect with other children who also have one. He'd be able to join in conversations about it, have friends over to play, swap games etc.

tomstickland

I don't have a TV. Anything worth the time ends up on the internet. I can't be bothered to watch most of it. I don't think I'm missing much.

k.o.d

Jacks_xxx wrote: »

As I keep saying it's not about the console itself of the money it costs it's about the unhappiness caused by the social isolation of not fitting in with your peer group, when it's what your friends seem to do all the time and it's all your friends seem to talk about etc. It's about wanting something really badly and being denied it.

Nothing to do with the Jones or the social status of the parents.

A child who is actually socially inept and wants a games console could be helped to fit in by being able to connect with other children who also have one. He'd be able to join in conversations about it, have friends over to play, swap games etc.

I think all you are doing here is demeaning the people who due live in poverty.
We are lucky as a family because we can afford the thing that are 'fripperies'
We also pay for extra tution to help them to achieve as much as they are capable of being.
From a personal point of view I find that kids tend to become insular and non-verbal when they get 'into' game mode to the point where they can lose the ability to converse about anything else.
I would rather my teenagers were able to read the books they do (from Alex Rider to Steinbeck) and be able to see the superb storylines rather than play 'shoot em up' games on a console.
But each to their own I suppose

Jacks_xxx

k.o.d wrote: »

I think all you are doing here is demeaning the people who due live in poverty.
We are lucky as a family because we can afford the thing that are 'fripperies'
We also pay for extra tution to help them to achieve as much as they are capable of being.
From a personal point of view I find that kids tend to become insular and non-verbal when they get 'into' game mode to the point where they can lose the ability to converse about anything else.
I would rather my teenagers were able to read the books they do (from Alex Rider to Steinbeck) and be able to see the superb storylines rather than play 'shoot em up' games on a console.
But each to their own I suppose

I'd never demean people who are struggling in poverty. I grew up in relative poverty without most of the things on that list, and due to the two recessions we have lived through during our married lives we have lived in relative poverty ourselves. We still don't have everything on the list now, but I can empathise with different people in different circumstances for whom they could all be essentials.

With respect, my point is about how the child feels and how they are left out of the playground society they live in if they don't live similar lives to their peers, and if they can't bond with them over shared interests.

If your children bond with others over books then that's really cool, but for a lot of children it's over games.

Kids do tend to become insular and non-verbal when they get 'into' game mode to the point where they can lose the ability to converse about anything else - that's concentration - and is a brilliant skill to learn. (I get that way when I read a book. )

boliston

I'm surprised that 49% thought a TV is necessary! Presumably they intend to pay for a licence for that TV which is NOT cheap and costs about as much as a typical broadband subscription.
Also I'd say that a basic payg mobile is cheaper than a home phone rental. I typically only pay about £5 per month for my PAYG mobile.

Jacks_xxx

jeanmd wrote: »

Yes, but I didn't cry or throw a tantrum. I accepted that I couldn't have one and got on with life. There's many things I've had to do without, but I had a very good childhood. We had holidays every year when most children were luck to have a day out with the local working mens club to the seaside. There's many more instances I could mention, both in doing without and having more then others.
It really doesn't hurt to do without. Learning children not to buckle to peer preasure is one of the greatest things you can teach them.
Parents are made to feel guilty for not giving their children what their friends have.
We have become a society where it is more important to provide material posssessions for children then to nurture them. How many children would prefer one of their parents to be at home when they get home from school or during holidays. How many very young children go to nursery to be looked after by stangers instead of being looked after by a parent, only seeing them for an hour or two on an evening before bed if they are luck. Oh, and we mustn't forget that the parents have to their time too.
Call me old fashioned, but I really believe children thrive better with a parent at home then any possession. Things like washer, hot water, heating, cooking are a necessity, a pc or games console is not - I was without my pc for a while earlier this year, I missed it, but it wasn't life changing. Sorry, I've gone on a bit.

Hi Jean, :wave:

I agree with a lot of what you say, I do, but we live in a materialistic world these days and children who don't lead similar lives to their friends can be left out, bullied, and feel desperately unhappy. Some kids bond over a shared love of playstation etc.

If all their friends seem to have one, and the child is feeling left out because they can't talk about playing it, swap games or have friends over to play and the child desperately wants one then I believe they are being deprived of the necessity of fitting in, being considered "normal" not "weird", and bonding with their peers.

cyberbob

Jacks_xxx wrote: »

Hi Jean, :wave:

I agree with a lot of what you say, I do, but we live in a materialistic world these days and children who don't lead similar lives to their friends can be left out, bullied, and feel desperately unhappy. Some kids bond over a shared love of playstation etc.

If all their friends seem to have one, and the child is feeling left out because they can't talk about playing it, swap games or have friends over to play and the child desperately wants one then I believe they are being deprived of the necessity of fitting in, being considered "normal" not "weird", and bonding with their peers.

I'm really confused by your opinions. What I believe your saying is because other children have something and a child wants it. It's a necessity. That's the most ridiculous thing I have heard for a long time.:rotfl:

You would do your child far more good teaching them about boundaries and the cost of real life and that they can't have everything they want just because their friends have it. Also that being the same as everyone else isn't necessarily a good thing.

So all their friends parents have a Porche and your child wants one do you rush out and buy one because its a 'Necessity' and they need to fit in. It's the same principle

As for the rest of the list i'm confused by people who think a microwave is a necessity. In my mind the only necessities are a roof over your head clean water and sanitation and heating.

Jacks_xxx

cyberbob wrote: »

I'm really confused by your opinions. What I believe your saying is because other children have something and a child wants it. It's a necessity. That's the most ridiculous thing I have heard for a long time.:rotfl:

You would do your child far more good teaching them about boundaries and the cost of real life and that they can't have everything they want just because their friends have it. Also that being the same as everyone else isn't necessarily a good thing.

So all their friends parents have a Porche and your child wants one do you rush out and buy one because its a 'Necessity' and they need to fit in. It's the same principle

As for the rest of the list i'm confused by people who think a microwave is a necessity. In my mind the only necessities are a roof over your head clean water and sanitation and heating.

Sorry for baffling you. :D As I keep saying, it's not about the games console itself. It's about a child being happy, fitting in, having friends, reciprocity, conforming to societal norms, social inclusion and living a normal life.

If a child is feeling socially isolated and friendless because the playground games and chat are all about console games and the after school socialising is going round each other's houses to play games console then what parent wouldn't consider it necessary for the child's happiness that they have a console too?

It's not about buying children everything they ask for. It's not about the thing at all.

nutsohazelnuts

When I first saw this I was rather hard line, and thinking only about what was necessary for bare survival, but when you put it into the context of a child's happiness, and what is normal in the world we live in today then it is quite clearly a different matter.

toontron

It is interesting that so many people believe that the fact that a child actually has a games console somehow stops them from doing other pursuits such as reading or creative play. Surely it is up to the parents to ensure there is a balance between gaming and other activities? If you are the type of parent (and I used "you" as a generic term here), who is incapable to policing your childrens activities then, yes, it is probably correct in your own case that games consoles are the work of the devil. If however, you take a balanced approach and view them as another form of entertainment, then there is little harm in them.