Recieved a letter today stating I can no longer see my daughter, From ex's solicitor

RAS

ses6jwg wrote: »

I said that I had concerns about the company she was keeping and I did not want my daughter around people who use drugs, and that if I thought she was in danger "I would not hesitate to get social services involved".

I don't think I have ever used the word tramp in my life and nor has anyone else in my family used it in relation to her. I never "slag off" ex in front of my daughter - completely immoral thing to do.

Well that is roughly what you need to put in the letter back to your solicitor.

You do however have to get your head round something - this child is not "my daughter"; she is "our daughter" and until you get that right you will continue to wind your ex up to your own detriment.

Also bluntly, it is none of your business what company your ex is keeping. You may not like it if she is in contact with people who use drugs but unless you have evidence that your (plural) daughter is in danger, you need to butt out.

Having been a child in a 10 years series of legal battles over access, custody and maintenance, let me warn you now that living with parents who engage in internecine warfare is one very good way to ensure that your daughter ends up messed up and vulnerable. Expect it to take another 20 years for her to sort her head out.

Having read your other threads, it seems that there are other concerns about how this child is cared for, but you need to remember that she is the child of both parents, that your ex's life and behaviour is none of your business and that telling her how to live it after the relationship is over is not acceptable. It may be that this is one of the reasons the relationship ended?

If there are genuine concerns about your daughter's safety, do something about it, but do not threaten your ex.

sassy_one

Go back to your solicitor as soon as possible.

If you really believe your daughter is in danger then contact your emergency out of hours social services department and/or the Police and request to speak with a child protection officer in CAIT

heretolearn_2

Has the relationship with your ex been reasonably good up to this point? Is it worth trying to deascalate this back to how things were?

You can't really tell her what company to keep. 'Drug user' covers a lot of different situations. If you know your daughter is being taken into a house where everyone is sitting around smoking crack in front of her, then I'm sure you would have called police/social services already. If your ex is friends with someone who smokes a few splifs, it isn't putting your daughter in danger, and what you said to her was pretty OTT. You know what % of people under 50 do or have taken recreational drugs? It's massive. And 99% of those people are just like you, perfectly safe and normal. According to the British Crime Survey 2005/2006 it is estimated that 34.9% of 16 to 59 year olds have used one or moreillicit drugs in their lifetime, 10.5% used one or more illicit drugs in the last year, and 6.3% in the last month. So one in 10 people in that age group have used drugs at least once in the last year. You know loads of people who use drugs - you may not know it, but you do. People at work, your neighbours, your family, your friends...they just don't tell you.

I'm not saying you must be wrong - there are certainly situations around drugs and the people involved that you should get your daughter the hell away from.

But what danger are you really aware of that your daughter might be in? Not in a knee-jerk 'everyone who ever takes any type of drugs must be bad and danger' but in a realistic sense. Is it a real risk? Then go to social services/police and court. If it isn't a real risk but just you disaproving of your ex, apologise and try to get back in her good books to get everything going smoothly again, for your daughter's sake.