Recieved a letter today stating I can no longer see my daughter, From ex's solicitor

ses6jwg

am stuck in 2 minds here.

I have already spoken to somebody who works in social services "off the record", they said think long and hard before involving social services because it means that my daughter would forever be "on a file" somewhere.

Here is a copy of the letter my solicitor recieved:

"Our client has instructed us that when you returned *** from contact on Tuesday last, your client informed our client, within earshot of ***, that he would take *** away from our client on a permanent basis.

Obviously this comment was extremely distressing for our client as much as it was for ****.

Furthermore, we are advised that since **** return to our client *** has been very difficult and has been using foul language and has started calling our client a "tramp".

As such our client has advised us that she is unwilling for your client to to exercise any further contact with his daughter. Please ensure that your client is aware of this position as our client has firmly stated that she is unwilling for your client to collect *** on his next normal contact occassion of Friday 20th August.

We wish to confirm that we have advised our client of the consequences of such action in that your client may wish to make an application to court but our client feels that your client's attitude in undermining her in front of **** is detrimental to *** well-being."


All of this here is a complete fabrication.

Rather ironically, on my lunch break today I was walking through town and saw my daughter with her mum and grandmother.

I strolled up as normal she came running over shouting Daddy and gave me a big kiss. It was an amazing moment.


The contents of the letter would be hilarious if it wasn't such a serious issue!!

RAS

ses6jwg wrote: »

"Our client has instructed us that when you returned *** from contact on Tuesday last, your client informed our client, within earshot of ***, that he would take *** away from our client on a permanent basis.!!

Did you say this to your ex - even if it was - I do not like child being in contact with drug abusers and if you keep taking her to0 see them I will go to court for residency?

ses6jwg wrote: »

"
Furthermore, we are advised that since **** return to our client *** has been very difficult and has been using foul language and has started calling our client a "tramp"..!

Do you are anyone else refer to ex as a tramp, even if you think child is not in ear shot?

Beyond this child is using bad language and may have picked this up anywhere, including from your ex's friends.

ses6jwg wrote: »

"As such our client has advised us that she is unwilling for your client to to exercise any further contact with his daughter. Please ensure that your client is aware of this position as our client has firmly stated that she is unwilling for your client to collect *** on his next normal contact occassion of Friday 20th August.!!

She is unwilling

ses6jwg wrote: »

"We wish to confirm that we have advised our client of the consequences of such action in that your client may wish to make an application to court but our client feels that your client's attitude in undermining her in front of **** is detrimental to *** well-being.".!!

This translates as "we think our client is off her rocker and expect ses6jwg to take legal action to enforce contact arrangments. We do not think it is our client's best intererst if this goes to court.

ses6jwg

RAS wrote: »

Did you say this to your ex - even if it was - I do not like child being in contact with drug abusers and if you keep taking her to0 see them I will go to court for residency?



Do you are anyone else refer to ex as a tramp, even if you think child is not in ear shot?

Beyond this child is using bad language and may have picked this up anywhere, including from your ex's friends.



She is unwilling



This translates as "we think our client is off her rocker and expect ses6jwg to take legal action to enforce contact arrangments. We do not think it is our client's best intererst if this goes to court.

I said that I had concerns about the company she was keeping and I did not want my daughter around people who use drugs, and that if I thought she was in danger "I would not hesitate to get social services involved".

I don't think I have ever used the word tramp in my life and nor has anyone else in my family used it in relation to her. I never "slag off" ex in front of my daughter - completely immoral thing to do.

Rainmaker_uk

I would be really careful here. I think that biting your tongue and trying to calmly communicate with your ex will be your most effective route to the best end result. You stand to lose too much here. Court will be expensive but worse than this it will forever damage the possibilty of an amicable relationship with your ex.

Make-it-3

Rarely do we get both sides of a story on here and how different they are! Anyway, whatever was said it was enough to put the ex on the defensive.

Sounds like she has been warned she shouldn't deny you contact, but if she chooses to you would need to apply to court.

Its not clear if you just want to regain the access you previously had or want greater or full access - if its either of the latter, you need to proceed extremely cautiously, collecting evidence and keeping quiet until you have proper ammunition and your solicitors opinion on the best way to action any increased access application.

DVardysShadow

ses6jwg wrote: »

I said that I had concerns about the company she was keeping and I did not want my daughter around people who use drugs, and that if I thought she was in danger "I would not hesitate to get social services involved".

I don't think I have ever used the word tramp in my life and nor has anyone else in my family used it in relation to her. I never "slag off" ex in front of my daughter - completely immoral thing to do.

Bear in mind where this has gone already. Quite plainly, ex resents you to the core rightly or wrongly for 'messing up her life'.

When it comes to the company which ex keeps, you need to leave it alone. You need more than your own moral assessment of the character of your ex's associates to make a case for social services to get involved. It is not your assessment of the character of the associates which matters, it is whether your daughter is exposed to danger through the activities of those associates.

Threatening Social Services involvement is being perceived as controlling. The consequence is exactly what has happened, ex wants no further involvement with you. This is now a battle which will last for the next 15 years.

You really need to chill. I don't think ex's mother will be minded to let anything happen to your daughter - and I suspect others will similarly take an interest. And I don't think you are in any position whatsoever to influence your ex - the results can only be counterproductive as you are seeing.

So let her carry on until and unless you have good evidence about what is happening in your daughter's presence. The more you attempt to manage the situation in the interim, the more your chances of bringing about the situation you don't want and the less your chances of getting the evidence to be able to do anything about it.

gratefulforhelp_2

RAS wrote: »

This translates as "we think our client is off her rocker and expect ses6jwg to take legal action to enforce contact arrangments. We do not think it is our client's best intererst if this goes to court.

This is exactly what it means, solicitor has advised her against it because of how it will look in court, she has said "I don't care" and solicitor has written the letter against his/her advice, which is what they get paid for.

Your problem is you will now probably have to go to court to enforce contact unless you can smooth things over.

Might be worth your solicitor writing to explain calmly what will be the likely result of her actions, although you may feel this is money wasted since her solicitor will have already explained this.

Can you go to mediation?

ses6jwg

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

This is exactly what it means, solicitor has advised her against it because of how it will look in court, she has said "I don't care" and solicitor has written the letter against his/her advice, which is what they get paid for.

Your problem is you will now probably have to go to court to enforce contact unless you can smooth things over.

Might be worth your solicitor writing to explain calmly what will be the likely result of her actions, although you may feel this is money wasted since her solicitor will have already explained this.

Can you go to mediation?

I've offered mediation 3 times.

2 of my letters were ignored and one by my solicitor she basically said "no way"

gratefulforhelp_2

Well then it sounds as though you will need to go to court. Maybe when you start the process she will come round.

balletshoes

My brother is going through residency of his DD application at the moment through the courts - OP from what I've seen so far of his situation, the best thing you can do is stay calm at all times in any kind of interaction with your ex, don't give her any ammo at all (as it sounds like she'll use any excuse) and keep your solicitor up to date on all the facts (my brother is keeping a log, saving texts etc - horrible situation, but at the end of the day his child's safety is whats important, and the solicitor has to be fully informed so nothing comes as a surprise on court days). If you decide to go for residency of your DD, be prepared for it to be a long drawn out affair.