Elderly relative, care homes and selling houses...a complicated enquiry!

Marisco

In all fairness to the OP, if the emergency services have re routed her number to somewhere else, there must be a problem with her. I shouldn't think they would do that lightly, and if it was a younger person they'd be had for wasting time!! The bottom line is, the OP's grandad made a mistake not putting the house in his son's name to begin with, and if she has to go into a home, the house will have to go to pay for it. I don't really think it's useful to call the OP, as no one knows what other's have to put up with.

spugzbunny

Hi Bunglejemson,

I do feel for you as I understand it must be difficult day in day out. The best advice you have had here is to call the MIND helpline as I am sorry but your Nan has a mental illness. It may not be neurolgical but clearly she is not concerned with the negative impact of her lies and actions.

I don't really understand the situation with the house - I thought you said your Grandad was living in it? In which case I'm pretty sure he can't be turfed out of his home and made to sell. The best people to ask would be Age Concern on thier helpline but just ask about how this would usually be funded based on your Nan and Grandad's housing system, assets and whether or not she is a) committed or b) goes voluntarily. Probably best not to ask what you can do to save your families inheritence.

Finally - this is the sad but true fact about care homes - they cost a lot and all the best intentions of your loved ones to save this money for you is not enough and at the end of the day if they have the money to pay for care (especially non essential care) then they have to pay it. I don't see how any other system could be fair and just.

calleyw

spugzbunny wrote: »

I don't really understand the situation with the house - I thought you said your Grandad was living in it? In which case I'm pretty sure he can't be turfed out of his home and made to sell.

The grandfather is dead and left the house to his wife.

The thing is you should never believe what anyone tells you about wills or the lottery.

My MIL told me that there was £500 for each grandchild written in the will.

When it came to it was never in the will at all.

If the grandmother is ringing and being admitted to hospital as much as has been suggested. Then I fail to see how a Dr can say she has no mental health issues.

Maybe a live-in companion is the answer. Does not cost as much a care home. But someone could be with her for long periods of time so she is not lonely or bored.

Yours

Calley

[Deleted User]

Marisco wrote: »

In all fairness to the OP, if the emergency services have re routed her number to somewhere else, there must be a problem with her. I shouldn't think they would do that lightly, and if it was a younger person they'd be had for wasting time!! The bottom line is, the OP's grandad made a mistake not putting the house in his son's name to begin with, and if she has to go into a home, the house will have to go to pay for it. I don't really think it's useful to call the OP, as no one knows what other's have to put up with.

Thanks for all your replies.

Now, if she tries phoning 999, she gets re-routed to a separate call center who triage her to NHS Direct if needed. She tries to get around this though by staging her falls and issues when she is away from her house at the Day Centre she visits every Monday (in full public visibility, so that she can attract the most sympathy and attention).

To be fair, it is not always an ambulance that gets called out, but it's around 80% of the time - the other 20% it's a paramedic's car.

The past year has been particularly bad - I'd say around twice a day at worst, 3 or 4 times a week at the best. Typically, we can predict when the callouts will take place with extreme accuracy (whenever someone else has attention on them...weddings, birthdays, graduations etc).

Does she need a home? Some people suggest yes. Others suggest not. The doctors have said that she is cognitively perfect. She has a history of hypochondria and has spent a lifetime on paracetamol and the doctors have all said she is amazingly fit for an 85 year old! She is sharp, quick-witted and bright; not material for a home.

The issue that others are missing is that she says she doesn't want to be in a home, but does as much as she can to get attention and get herself put into hospital. She LOVES hospital - whenever she gets discharged she is unhappy and complains, when in fact most people would be happy! When you talk to her though, she'll say how depressing it is. It's like she says one thing but does another.

[Deleted User]

calleyw wrote: »

If the grandmother is ringing and being admitted to hospital as much as has been suggested. Then I fail to see how a Dr can say she has no mental health issues.

I can phone up 999 thirty times a day if I like - but I am not ill, nor do I have any mental health issues. There is such a motivation as malice!

It genuinely does sadden me to say this - because you're supposed to have a good relationship with your grandparents - but trying to attract attention is as much about being selfish and nasty as it is about having a mental health issue. My nan HATES the spotlight being on others. Hence why she 'passed out' at her son's wedding. It's why she has most recently ruined the engagement party for her grand-daughter by 'bursting' into crocodile tears midway and complaining that she is seeing lights (she wasn't...but coincidentally that was the plot of Holby City the night before).

lovetowinacar

I feel for you OP and agree some people are just bad and not mad..

(not meant rudely)


Might be best for all concerned if she sold the house and used the money to fund care home fees and if she was surrounded by other residents might have more to focus on rather than causing trouble.

The house is hers to do with as she wishes (unless your grandfather actually stipulated that she could be resident and it then passes to children on death), she may leave to a cats home if she is as nasty as you say so perhaps best to move on and forget the inheritance, whats to say she hasn't already made a will?

Or... try to get family together and make peace? Maybe then she will cause less problems.

Good luck hope it all works out.

calleyw

Deleted_User wrote: »

I can phone up 999 thirty times a day if I like - but I am not ill, nor do I have any mental health issues. There is such a motivation as malice!

Of course it is perfectly normally to keep ringing 999 for days/weeks/months on end when you are not ill. I fail to see how it is malice. Malice is about getting back at people. So who is trying to get back at the hospital, a dr?

To keep pretending she is ill with different complaints again is not malice. It runs deeper than that.

My own grandmother suffered with supposed mental health issues at the time I was rather too young to know better. I do know now that she was not as mentally ill as suggested.

I think this thread has run it's course. And should have never been posted here in the first place. As it was never about benefit entitlement. But about how to keep an inheritance.

As has already been said unless your grandmother has been sectioned. They can't make her go in to a home. Maybe she would like to go in to a home as she would gets lots of attention that she seems to be lacking from her home life for what ever reason. And has been said by many it is her house and she can't do what she likes with it. And there is nothing that a third party such as your father can do about it.

Yours

Calley

viktory

Deleted_User wrote: »

My nan would LOVE to be in a home

Deleted_User wrote: »

She - most likely - doesn't want to go into a home either.

So which is it?

I also find this bickering over money and assets tasteless. If your grandmother has to have care she will have to pay for it via her assets. You state that your parents are being driven to the brink by her antics - well letting her go into a nice, pleasant home of her choice, paid for by her, will mean that although your parents do not have any money they have peace of mind - which is priceless.

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

Deleted_User wrote: »

The issue that others are missing is that she says she doesn't want to be in a home, but does as much as she can to get attention and get herself put into hospital. She LOVES hospital - whenever she gets discharged she is unhappy and complains, when in fact most people would be happy! When you talk to her though, she'll say how depressing it is. It's like she says one thing but does another.

I can't believe anyone would like being in hospital let alone love it.

I absolutely hate it & have spent more than my fair share in our's where I practically have to beg to be allowed to go home.

If she is happier in hospital it must be for the fact that there are other people in there to talk to & she gets fed 3 times a day cos I honestly can't think of anyother reason.

She is obviously really unhappy & lonely with how her life is at the moment to want to be in hospital & lose her dignity.

It certainly does sound like she has some kind of mental health problem imo.

cavework

I,m sorry but perhaps your Father and his siblings should quit the blaming Mummy teenage attitude and start considering what will happen if they are ever in the same situation as your Gran?

One thing they might like to consider is that if it wasn,t for your Gran they would not be here today to worry about their future financial security and be expecting Mum to finance it., because that is the main issue as far as I can see.
I,m sure your Gran wiped their bums , made sure they were fed and probably sacrificed a great deal when they were growing up , now it,s time to reciprocate, no matter how hard they find it cos she is a bit "nutty"
Please let this lady decide how she would like to live out the last remaining years of her life.