Kids And The Eat Or Starve Approach To Os

rchddap1

My nephew is 2 1/2 years old. He is a good eater and will generally eat most things. However, his mum has had a major part in setting this up. If he says that he is full she will tell him that he has to have one more spoonful. He can squirm, scream...whatever....she will sit there as calm as custard and will wait. Every so often she will say "ready now"...and eventually he'll say yes and will take the extra spoonful. He's learnt that mum is not to be trifled with. This has been the setup right from the start so he has never known there is a different way.

If he completely refuses she will persist, but eventually of course has to let him go. However, he won't be allowed a single mouthful of anything until next mealtime. Sounds cruel, but then he's more like to eat well at the next mealtime.

Another trick that's started to work with him is when he's sat around the table with other people that are eating. He sees them eating and so he does the same. When they stop...he stops. So if we're sitting opposite him we eat slower. Last Sunday lunch he was a real star. No fuss, no wriggling....just spoonfuls of the food going in.

However, every child is different. What works for my sister may not work for anyone else.

beachbeth

catowen wrote:

she refused to eat, so i played the 'mouse is coming' game. I put the food on her spoon, left the table, and when i got back, the 'mouse' had eaten it!!!! She loved my surprise at how quick that pesky mouse could be!!!

I think this is such a brilliant idea! I wish I had thought of trying this with my older daughter when she was little! She has always been fussy and still is. I used to give her vitamins too but she refuses these now too (she's 19!). She would live on takeaway pizzas/McDonalds if left to her own devices, so I can certainly synpathise.

It may be the case that no child will starve themselves but if they refuse most foods they will be stick thin and unhealthy looking. My daughter is so skinny it worries me sometimes, but I do my best and at the moment make a shepherds pie using chicken and sneakily mash cauliflower into the mash. She would hit the roof if she knew!

liley9

i know how you feel my ds is 3 and he lives on cereals, fish fingers ,chicken dippers , spagetti, yogurts and cheese and crackers he does eat fruit but he will not even try vegetables its so frastrating but i am trying to introduce something new every week but it is a slow process.I also find that if my nephew who will eat anything is here ds tends to follow so i'm hoping that school is going to help with seeing all the other children eating.

kiwichick

Thanks Guys

I new you would have sensible words of wisdom for me. There are lots of bits in your replies that have hit home and some good ideas to try too.

FrugalJo wrote:

There is the try something new star chart which seems to work for some. Different food each week, earning a treat for each one.

AND

jennybb wrote:

Try a sticker chart or similar for trying a new food. Yours are of an age where this sort of subtle bribery works a treat. My daughter is quite money driven - so she has a token chart for chores etc and the tokens are converted to cash on a saturday - so much better than pocket money for the sake of pocket money - and you can take tokens away as well as giving them!

A GREAT IDEA!! My DS (3) is at the age were a little bribery goes a long way, the only real trouble I have is him taking his cues from his elder sister. I WILL do a star chart for all 3, prehaps with a picture of the chosen reward at the end of it. Maybe if DS and DD1 see that DD2 is getting her stars and therefor her treat they will join in.

Nicki wrote:

I didn't subscribe to the eat or starve philosophy because I didn't want to make food an issue for either of them, but if they didn't eat what was offered, they got a bowl of plain cereal (eg Weetabix or Ready Brek) and some milk (enough to stop them being hungry but boring to have every night.

I never thought of this. I really do need to keep a check on making food an issue, and this is prehaps part of why I am finding this so difficult with the children. I've struggled with bulimia for 14 years and am absolutely PETRIFIED of passing my fears/phobias/nuerosis (sp?) about food onto the children. The other thing though is if I give in and give them weetabix etc will they then want this every night? How soon after refusal of HM food do I offer it??

rchddap1 wrote:

Another trick that's started to work with him is when he's sat around the table with other people that are eating. He sees them eating and so he does the same. When they stop...he stops.

Unfortunately we dont have a kitchen table, well that not entirely true, we have one but its currently dismantled as we have no room for it. I have DD2 in a highchair for mealtimes and DS and DD1 at the breakfast bar. There is no room (and no chairs!) for anymore than 2 to eat at the bar at a time which upon reflection IS probably part of the problem. I will have a think about how to get around this.

AussieLass

Good luck Kiwi. The star chart sounds fab. I would also make the things you know they like but home made. Crumbed fish, hm chicken nuggets, hm oven chips, etc and then put in other hm food in between.

sammyy

I know how frustrating this can be with my own kids,but I have to agree with the posters that say slowly is the way to go.Introducing new foods gradually and weaning them off the food you would rather them not have at the same time.I would definatley try to not make mealtimes a battlegroud and would just leave it if they refuse to eat it.They are still quite young so there is a good chance that you could turn things around now with persistence.What about choosing meals where everyone chooses a part of the meal so maybe they could have fish fingers if they choose but you choose something to go on the plate as well and follow up with lots of positive praise even if they eat only the tiniest amount.Don't be feeling that you are a crap parent.Parenthood is a learning process for all of us and non of us get it right all the time.

PoshPaws_3

I have to admit that I don't subscribe to the eat or starve school of thought on this, but I do believe there is a middle ground.

With my son (now nearly 8yo) we've always said that so long as he has tried one piece of everything on his plate, then he can leave the rest.

HOWEVER ... (here it comes) ... lol ... once he's had his dessert (only a yoghurt or some ice cream) he can only have one piece of fruit inbetween that meal and the next. No sweeties, no "oh, I only had two grapes, can I have a banana now?", no "its only a little biscuit" or anything else.

All our meals are home cooked, we don't use anything that includes additives, sweeteners (especially aspartame) or artificial colours. Our foods are low fat or no fat and low salt. We do use squash, but its the High Juice ones and only with meals. The rest of the time its water or skimmed milk and he has a glass of fruit juice at breakfast.

For a lark, on the day he came back from holiday with his grandparents, we had a dinner of Fish Fingers, Baked Beans and Smiley Faces. Oh boy, were we ill. :rotfl: Never again!

As a child, I was pressed by a wartime baby Mother to always clear my plate and was in trouble if I didn't. These days, I'm now obese and desperately working to get the weight off. I don't want that for my son. Hence, we don't ask him to clear the plate, all we ask is that he try one piece of everything he's given. If he doesn't like it, that's fine, we won't give it to him again for a while. We have told him that as he grows, his tastebuds change and so every now and then we'll try him with a disliked food to see whether his tastebuds have grown to accept it. He's now eating just about everything other than mushrooms and potatoes (other than mashed). He's getting to be quite the chilli hound and loves curry and other spicy foods. He's not too good with vinegary things, but really enjoys pickled onions, so that's a start.

In the past, when he's flat refused to eat something, I've not made a fuss but have simply given him his yoghurt and on we go to the next meal. If its possible, I freeze the refused meal and trot it out again sometime or have it myself, for lunch one day. Oh, and I don't offer him his one piece of fruit inbetween meals, if he wants it he asks for it. I'm not going to lay it in front of him and make it easy!

Good luck with this - it really is down to how YOU approach it and behave, as opposed to how your kids manipulate you to cave in to them. (Which its very difficult not to, when you're busy and they catch you on the hop!).

broomstick27

ds is not a particularly fussy eater but does refuse to eat food if he thinks he may get pudding. I find it best not to leave him too long. Once we have finished our food i clear up all the plates (assuming he is not eating anything) then we get down from the table! Funnily enough he suddenly wants his dinner back!

My best advice is not to push it, just clear plates away and not offer anything else, as other people have saids - kids will not deliberately starve themselves (not for long anyway!)

I know i dont have much experience although i have 2 nieces that dont eat and have seen how distressed it makes their mum so i know how difficult it can be to not let them eat. Personally i think it is worth putting yourself through the stress and a couple of bad nights if you can manage it but you have to trust your own judgement!

broomie

x

Anastacia

i didnt exactly tell me kids to eat or starve but if you dont eat your dinner then there isnt an anternative or pudding or snacks until the next meal. I dont make them eat what the genuinely dont like but they are 14 & 16 now & will eat just about anything.

I would continue to cook healthy, tasty meals, stop all snacks & puddings. Anyone who says something unpleasant about the food that has been cooked for them has to leave the table & can wait until next meal.

It is really worth it in the long run. My kids have literally thanked me for ensuring they always enjoy there food. I notice they always say thank you when they get down from the table aswell, which i didnt introduce. Its a genuine response to the effort of my cooking. Even at 3 and 4 they can realise you are making an effort for them & act accordingly.

Well done for persisting.

newlywed

The step kids aren't too fussy but seem to enjoy pasta more than spaghetti (plus it makes less mess). They like extra cheese baked on the top of it. And since they've been so used to jars of sauce etc they seem to enjoy it more if I put stronger herbs in - eg extra basil and thyme - along with extra tom puree. They also like it with worcester sauce in.

Have discovered shepherd pie is one of their favourites so I often hide parsnips (which they really don't like roasted) in it along with veg they like - (sweetcorn and carrots).