Views on Proposals?

Philippa36

I may have hinted a few times about wanting to get married but when he finally did, it was a very happy surprise! I do think its nicer to get a proposal 'out of the blue' than have to feel you've pushed them in to it.

A friend of mine had planned a trip to Paris with her then b/f and was hoping that he would propose which he then did - I don't think it was any less of a surprise, as although she'd hoped, she wasn't expecting it.

trudij

Forgot to add - my friend who bought her ring (and incidentally, told everyone (other than me!) that Simon insisted on buying that one..) was 38 when she told him it was happening....

Kavanne

please update this thread with what happens OP!!

Hermia

cattkitt wrote: »

Proposals are romantic. I get that.

However, my neighbour was going on about how she was expecting to have her birthday party in New York (nice trip, good for her), and that she expected her OH to propose then.

It is at this point that I don't understand. Doesn't this take the spontaneity out of it? And what's this about the person being asked insisting on setting the stage for where they're asked? It seems to be totally pretence/artificial to me. Or is it just me?

I think it depends. Spontaneity is nice, but if the bloke is clueless you may be disappointed! I think a lot of couples have already talked about one day getting married so they know the prosposal is going to happen at some point so it's not totally spontaneous anyway. If a woman has always dreamt of being proposed to in Paris/by the sea/whatever than I don't see the harm in her mentioning it.

Fuzzy_Duck

I agree with you- besides, if your OH doesn't propose you've set yourself up for disappointment! And it'll probably be even worse for the OH who won't understand why he's getting the silent treatment (I say he because this is more of a female thing!)

I wouldn't expect it personally, but that may be because my boyfriend has a huge issue with doing what he is told/expected to do- I have never said anything like "I expect to be married when..." but he still pushes the date back everytime someone innocently asks when they'll hear the wedding bells.

It's childish but fair enough I think- I wouldn't like to be told when or how I'm proposing, I'd want to do it myself when I want to, how I want to. If I didn't care (as I imagine some men don't) then you may as well take the hint, but if you don't get the hint or ignore it then your OH is going to feel pretty stupid later.

I actually think mommyme's post is quite sweet (although note he is now an ex!) as it suggests they asked because they wanted to ask there and then. I think of fancy proposals the same way I do about fancy weddings- a complete waste of time. Nice if your OH has the money and creativity, but really it should be about wanting to get married to that person, not having the perfect proposal/wedding you can brag about to other people.

Interestedly there has been some discussion about this in the Metro. Someone wrote in to say a man they know proposed in Spud-u-Lite and they have been married happily for years I wouldn't say no to a guy I loved just because the proposal wasn't deemed romantic enough!

piratefairy

I must say I think spontaneity would be better. The whole idea of staged / planned proposals to me conjures up a not-v-nice image of marriage-hungry women destined to turn into demanding bride-zillas!
My opinion is that marriage is a waste of time and big proposals and weddings a waste of money. Which is entirely my opinion and I appreciate probably not the view of a lot of others.

secretmachines

hi all

on a similar note, I was just wondering what people's views are (particularly the ladies!) about proposing with a 'trinket' ring... and then going shopping for a ring at a later date.

on one hand, it kind of takes the spontaneity out of it... but on the other hand, the lucky lady & OH can then go and choose a ring which she really wants/likes (kind of important!)

thoughts?

ellay864

The ring my OH produced was nothing like I'd have chosen. It's quite large with an amethyst as the central stone. He deliberately picked amethyst as I love all things purple, whereas my choice would have been a smaller solitaire style. He said that if I wanted a 'proper' ring we could go get another and I could wear the amethyst as a dress ring, but with the whole way he did the proposal the ring itself really didn't matter in that sense - he could've shoved a ring pull on my finger and it would've meant the same. Besides, just because I don't have a large sparkling diamond doesn't mean I missed out on a big rock...I had the Eiger which is a pretty big one!!

jenniewb

I think some people stage things like this for effect: they like to come back home and say "he proposed to me in Rome/in Vegas/on the Moon..." and get loads of "aren't you lucky/wasn't that well done/I want to be you" and this I think is why.
In the same way, parents want their kids to achieve certain medals of musical grades or appear in pageants, in the same way people like to run the London Marathon but have no interest in fitness or even running.

Personally I think its quite sad (if that is whats happening) that people go to such extremes to make people notice or to try to create some form of envy to make themselves feel better. But each to their own, if thats what that makes them happy.

heretolearn_2

alright then ladies here's a hypothetical (ahem) situation for you.

Suppose you and your partner had been married before. Neither of you are hugely 'into' marriage (...just a piece of paper...) and right from when you first met you agreed that neither of you was interested in getting married again. And that was 100% genuine. So now you've lived together for a few years. But for some weird reason you start to fancy being married after all....how would you drop that hint/raise that question?