Views on Proposals?

cattkitt

Proposals are romantic. I get that.

However, my neighbour was going on about how she was expecting to have her birthday party in New York (nice trip, good for her), and that she expected her OH to propose then.

It is at this point that I don't understand. Doesn't this take the spontaneity out of it? And what's this about the person being asked insisting on setting the stage for where they're asked? It seems to be totally pretence/artificial to me. Or is it just me?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

my ex proposed to me one morning whilst laying in bed - hardly romantic and needless to say im thankful he's an ex lol

Gloomendoom

She only said she was expecting it.

She may be disappointed.

cattkitt

I understand that. I also understand that she's giving him all kinds of hints that that's what she expects.
I've also seen and heard from other women this thing where there's VERY blatant hinting to the OH about where and when they expect to be proposed to. The only thing is that with the exception of one, they were all American. Is it an American thing, or is it yet another American expectation that's being absorbed by this country, or is it something that UK women haven't bought into?

I don't understand the woman staging her being asked. What I'm asking is whether people here expect to tell their OHs, with explicit instructions, how and where to propose.

trudij

I think its really sad if they have to drop so many hints - Ive got a "friend" who bought her own ring on ebay, gave it to her bf and told him that he had to propose with that ring, oh - and they were getting married before she turned 40....

I always thought it should be something both parties wanted.... and a suprise when the time was right - wherever that may be !

cattkitt

trudij wrote: »

Ive got a "friend" who bought her own ring on ebay, gave it to her bf and told him that he had to propose with that ring

That's exactly the kind of thing I mean!
If she decided to propose to him, and got the ring she wanted for herself, I'd think she was a woman who knew her own mind.

But to tell him that he had to propose with that ring, and with a deadline, isn't that him acting out a charade, rather than him coming up with the idea of wanting marriage?

bella*donna

I know what you mean. I have a friend who picked out her ring and decided to get engaged on holiday in New York. They went to Tiffanys (lucky cow), picked up the ring and then went out for a meal where he proposed to her over dessert. Very arranged and not at all romantic.

My husband did it the other way and surprised me. He was quite devious, bless him. He told me his friend was going to propose to his g/f and showed me the ring he had got in the window of a local jewellers. He asked what I thought of it and I said it's ok, but I like that kind of style over there and I like yellow gold etc. Without knowing it, I was telling him my ideal engagement ring. A few weeks later, he proposed at a restaurant in front of my family a week or so before Xmas. I was so shocked! I was really romantic (he got down on one knee and everything).

I know which proposal I prefer.

ellay864

I had a feeling my OH might propose as he was taking me for a surprise trip for the week of my birthday and said he'd booked us a meal at a lovely restaurant on the night itself....to be honest I'd only thought it as a couple of girls at work suggested he might be and I had to really restrain myself from 'expecting' it. I thought we were going to Ireland but found out at the airport it was Switzerland. he'd planned 4 days itinerary for us and on my birthday took me to the top of the Jungfraujoch mountain (he'd even smuggled rucksack with winter gear in our luggage - it was August when we went) and proposed in the snow. In his mind the meal was always intended as a celebration after the event and the proposal itself really did come as a total shock - but a lovely one

clairibel

I think spontaniety wins hands down, i personally hate anything staged or planned like that. But we are all different.

My hubbie when he decided to get me an engagement ring just said to me c'mon lets go shopping as we did regulary. But we always loved this one jewellers loads of second hand vintage stuff and would look regulary just noseying, so this day felt no different.

But there was a pretty victorian diamond ring and i pointed it out and said how lovely it was, next thing he took off his chain (but it had been made by his dear friend specially for him)...it was big gold thing that i never liked but it was the fashion back then (honest) anyway he walked into the shop asked how much to trade it in (we were very skint) and then asked for the ring in the window....which amazingly fit and voila we were engaged :T that to me was the best way he could have done it, no big show or party just me and him on a whim and he had sacrificed something he'd had made especially for him for little ole me....ahhh! Happily ever after!

Tigersilly

I wouldn't be bothered if a friend told me about her dreams, everyone has dreams. Sounds like a lot of people are turning a shade of green!

vixarooni

Relationships need progression. Ive been with my partner for 5 years and every time we went anywhere special everyone would say, "i wonder if hes going to ask you there?" before long it gets in your head and you start to wonder every time too! Its mainly your peers pushing it i think!