How far is too far?

Luella

My OH and I, based near York, are travelling 6.5 hours to Falmouth, Cornwall for a family wedding in September. We decided to make a trip of it and have hired a cottage for the week so we can do some exploring. Yes it's a long trip to make but it's my cousin and we were given plenty of notice (time to save up!).
That said, we have another wedding a week later only 40 minutes away which we're more reluctant to attend. It's in a country manor in the middle of nowhere (no B&Bs / cheap hotels) and the taxi journey would be mega pricey so one of us has to drive. I think your idea to put on a mini bus is a very very good one, and generous too.

shellsuit

picklepick wrote: »

hmmm yes, i was probably a bit dramatic there., its too early for me when ive only had 2 hours sleep!

Obviously, if my friends were broke id understand, but most of friends also pay that for a taxi on a saturday, so i dont think its too much to ask of them to pay to come to my wedding. I dont expect any gifts and the drinks will mostly be free anyway.

I thought I was actually helping my guests out by putting on a bus instead of making them fork out for a hotel. But now you've managed to make me feel guilty about it!

Don't feel guilty, the bus is a great idea!!

If that's what your friends are used to paying, then there should be no problem.

We've got mainly family coming to our wedding and I know not all of them have a lot of money.

Some of my family are staying at the travel lodge for the night (which is right opposite our venue!), yet some of OH's work pals are staying in the same hotel as us.

I don't think any less of them for not forking out more to stay with us in the same hotel, as it's all they can afford.

We specifically chose our venue too because of the bar prices as they aren't astronomical like in some other venues we saw.

If we had the money, we'd pay for a free bar and rooms for everyone but we haven't, so the next best thing was to choose somewhere that was affordable for all. (Plus it's easy for the 'oldies' to get home and won't cost them a lot for a taxi).

I can just imagine some brides and grooms above their stations choosing the best for themselves with no consideration for anyone else, but that's not you so don't worry! xx

Bluefire

Dizzie77 wrote: »

Bluefire - Don't forget to haggle over the price of the venue - you might get it even cheaper.....!!

See if you can negotiate prices with travelodge too?? I know they are pretty cheap, but you might get soemthing for block booking for your guests.

To be honest, I wouldn't worry that much about mini busses - most people will organise themselves and book accommodation nearby.

I shall do my best! However the price is already heavily reduced (£2040 on a weekend; £995 during the week which is what we're going for) so I doubt I'll have much luck but it's worth a go. Good idea about the Travelodge too.

I think the minibus will basically come down to whether people want to use it or not. I'll ask my friends nearer the time, if they decide to book rooms in the Travelodge sale for £9 a night then they may not need a bus.

picklepick wrote: »

You're kidding? Thats what i pay every weekend if I go out in town for my taxi journey home! If people arent happy to pay £15 to come to my wedding, then im glad because i wouldnt want friends like that anyway!

I thought I was actually helping my guests out by putting on a bus instead of making them fork out for a hotel. But now you've managed to make me feel guilty about it!

I wouldn't feel guilty, £15 isn't that bad and a lot of people will be grateful for not having to book a hotel. Personally I wouldn't pay that for a taxi on a night out but I definitely would for a wedding!

Torry_Quine

picklepick wrote: »

hmmm yes, i was probably a bit dramatic there., its too early for me when ive only had 2 hours sleep!

Obviously, if my friends were broke id understand, but most of friends also pay that for a taxi on a saturday, so i dont think its too much to ask of them to pay to come to my wedding. I dont expect any gifts and the drinks will mostly be free anyway.

I thought I was actually helping my guests out by putting on a bus instead of making them fork out for a hotel. But now you've managed to make me feel guilty about it!

Glad you realised that you were somewhat dramatic. I suspect we're from different generations as I wouldn't dream of spending £15 on a taxi fare home! The only weddings I go to are most often within distance to come home at night and can only remember staying once overnight before I was married as I didn't drive.

Whein I was married I sent invites to my relatives who weren't local but never expected people to come from England, Australia or Canada.

Don't want you to feel guilty - do what is right for you and your guests - and have a great time.

maggie111

shellsuit wrote: »

And it's not just £15 is it. There is outfits, the cost of a gift, the cost of drinks, and some people have to take time off work.

If someone is broke, it doesn't matter how close and loved you are by them, if they are skint, they're skint and can't magic money up from nowhere.

This has always annoyed me. Why do people talk about how expensive weddings are as guests... Assuming you don't have to pay for your plate - why suddenly does the cost of an outfit, and drinks get thrown into the wedding costs?

You can go in what clothes you have (and frankly it'd be strange if you didn't have anything in your wardrobe that wasn't suitable) and water is free most places. I agree that for venues that are more than an hour away accommodation is a consideration. But you can always leave at 8pm in most places and get the last bus home.

As for a gift, I personally think you should try and cover the cost of your dinner, but if you are that poor, and your bride and groom know, they will have invited you knowing you've got little to give. The cost of a card, which frankly if you know them that well you'd be forking out whether you go to the wedding or not and a heartfelt meaningful gift doesn't have to be expensive.

I can go to a wedding for the cost of petrol (which admittedly, can on occasion be difficult to afford) and £2 for a card. Given the notice you generally get for weddings this shouldn't be too hard.

shellsuit

maggie111 wrote: »

This has always annoyed me. Why do people talk about how expensive weddings are as guests... Assuming you don't have to pay for your plate - why suddenly does the cost of an outfit, and drinks get thrown into the wedding costs?

You can go in what clothes you have (and frankly it'd be strange if you didn't have anything in your wardrobe that wasn't suitable) and water is free most places. I agree that for venues that are more than an hour away accommodation is a consideration. But you can always leave at 8pm in most places and get the last bus home.

As for a gift, I personally think you should try and cover the cost of your dinner, but if you are that poor, and your bride and groom know, they will have invited you knowing you've got little to give. The cost of a card, which frankly if you know them that well you'd be forking out whether you go to the wedding or not and a heartfelt meaningful gift doesn't have to be expensive.

I can go to a wedding for the cost of petrol (which admittedly, can on occasion be difficult to afford) and £2 for a card. Given the notice you generally get for weddings this shouldn't be too hard.

Erm... Because they are expensive for guests.

Not every wedding and not expensive for every guest, but for the odd ones, it can be very expensive.

And I must be strange because I have nothing suitable to wear for a wedding if I was invited to one.

maggie111

shellsuit wrote: »

Erm... Because they are expensive for guests.

I still don't see why weddings get singled out for expense. They're expenses one normally occurs when they socialise I would have thought. Even a local picnic in the park incurs buying food, wearing an outfit and travel costs to and from the park. Assuming you're not being asked £30 for the privilege of going, weddings do not have to be expensive.

And you really don't have anything to wear? I've been to two weddings were a guest wore jeans. Whilst I don't think it's "proper" wedding attire, I'd far rather you attended my wedding than couldn't afford to buy something 'smart'. If you normally dress casual, or only ever wear overalls, or something I wouldn't expect you to "doll up" and go poor in the process. What on earth would you wear to some ones house for dinner? Or to a funeral?

RainbowDrops

I'm forever recyling outfits to wear at weddings & special events - I never see the need to splash out!
Plus I'm happy to either stay in a cheapo Travel Lodge, or get public transport home.
Weddings don't have to be expensive for guests.
Of course, it's not fair if you pick some where out in the middle of nowhere, with a cash bar that only serves champagne, having a Harrod's guest list etc.
However, as a guest, I always do so within my means, and besides, I love the thought that I've invited to their special day.
You normally get enough notice to save up money for it if needed!

shellsuit

maggie111 wrote: »

I still don't see why weddings get singled out for expense. They're expenses one normally occurs when they socialise I would have thought. Even a local picnic in the park incurs buying food, wearing an outfit and travel costs to and from the park. Assuming you're not being asked £30 for the privilege of going, weddings do not have to be expensive.

And you really don't have anything to wear? I've been to two weddings were a guest wore jeans. Whilst I don't think it's "proper" wedding attire, I'd far rather you attended my wedding than couldn't afford to buy something 'smart'. If you normally dress casual, or only ever wear overalls, or something I wouldn't expect you to "doll up" and go poor in the process. What on earth would you wear to some ones house for dinner? Or to a funeral?

The clothes I'd wear to someones house for dinner and to a funeral are different to what I would wear to a wedding.

I wouldn't go to a wedding in jeans and I wouldn't wear black to a wedding (unless it was the dress code).

I'm not saying I personally can't afford it, I was talking about people out there who can't.

Oh and another thing I forgot. The expense of a stag or hen party/weekend, or whatever the couple choose to do.

maggie111

Additional, I just to say that I have been to a few weddings and I have spent hundreds. But I chose to spend hundreds. I don't blame the wedding, I blame the way I want to enjoy it. If I was very poor, and it was very important for me to go, all I would spend would be travel and about £10 for the present. If it was 3 hours away I'd get the cheapest coach, wear whatever I had in the wardrobe and spend just 3 hours at the wedding so I could leave in order to get the last coach home.

Anything more than that is my choice, not the fault of the wedding.