My impending divorce and life so far update

con_fused

myothercarisaferrari wrote: »

grrrrrrr I am so angry for you! He sounds like my ex! What an imbecile of the highest degree!

Yeah I think that's one word to describe him. I think she might also have moved in with him as well. I saw a comment from him on 'good old' Facebook on one of our joint friend's Walls which said 'See you round ours soon for drinks'.

Oh how quickly she got her feet under the table...or maybe the washing pile had built up beyond his comprehension and he needed her to come in and sort it out

neneromanova

The thing that you can smile about though is that you're free and that he will more than likely do this to her so she will get her comeuppance. Just be glad you didn't change your mind about the kids. Imagine how much harder that would have been. And also you can smile again and say that you tried everything including councelling to try to make your marraige work but he didn't want to try

con_fused

Yes, I am glad I stood my ground and didn't change my mind. That was never an option - I knew I would have been stuck at home with the children while he continued to go out drinking and working all hours.

I don't know who I feel sorry for the most, him or her. They are both a pair of superficial, false morons. Well suited lol.

Yes, I did try hard. I tried to work on myself as well (had my own counselling last year, read self-help books on how I could change how I communicated with him), whereas it should have been both of us trying. I just don't think he sees that anything that has gone wrong has anything to do with him.

I know I am better off out of it, and it will get easier with time

elliebobs

My sister was in exactly the same situation as you (bar the children issue). She was absolutely devastated and literally begged him not to go and that she could forgive him his affair. The callous little weasel messed her around and I had to witness her breaking down in tears but had to bite my tongue about him even though it nearly killed me.

I advised her that the breakdown of a significant relationship is akin to the grieving process and true to form she went through every emotion before she finally accepted it.

Fast forward a year later and she is really happy with a new lovely bloke;the lying cheating waste of space however has been kicked out by the cow, but only after being shafted for a brand new plasma TV and 3 piece suite! Karma kicks !!! sometimes!

For you, what you are experiencing is entirely normal but life does go on and it will get easier but I do firmly believe that you have to experience all these emotions before you get to a stage where you couldn't give a monkeys about him or what he has done to you...does that make sense.

I wish you all the best and look forward to your post in a years time and reading how you have moved on for the better.

con_fused

Thanks elliebobs,

I totally agree with you regarding it being a grieving process. I'm training to be a counsellor and work with bereaved clients as part of my course so I can really relate to this.

I know I have to go through these feelings. I am glad I am at least feeling them and crying when need be, or getting wound up , or feeling sad etc and just letting it all out. Better than trying to push the feelings down or deny them (which I did at the beginning).

I know he is the one who has lost out. He doesn't seem bothered and I deserve someone who cares. I deserve better than someone who can let a marriage go so easily.

I really do hope that karma bites him so hard on the behind that it takes a chunk out! :rotfl:

dreaming

Would just like to pass on the best piece of advice I was given when my OH left - "the best revenge is living well".
Took me a while to really understand what it meant or how to do it but I learned to adopt an "inscrutable" manner whenever we had contact . he would always ask me how I was doing and I would just smile brightly and say "Great, how about you?" (as if he were just an acquaintance I was being polite to). Then when he started to tell me his problems (with his new GF, house, money etc.) I would say "Sorry - have to dash - speak soon" but without telling him what I was doing (actually nothing - but he didn't know that). I heard from mutual friends that it drove him mad because I seemd to be having a great time without him (I wasn't really but I wasn't going to let HIM know that).
The best thing is - once you start to act as if you are "living well" it really starts to happen, and I love my new life - no debt apart from mortgage, lovely house, lovely family and friends, good job, whereas his GF apparently leads him a merry dance and they are in debt up to their eyeballs

NEH

dreaming wrote: »

Would just like to pass on the best piece of advice I was given when my OH left - "the best revenge is living well".
Took me a while to really understand what it meant or how to do it but I learned to adopt an "inscrutable" manner whenever we had contact . he would always ask me how I was doing and I would just smile brightly and say "Great, how about you?" (as if he were just an acquaintance I was being polite to). Then when he started to tell me his problems (with his new GF, house, money etc.) I would say "Sorry - have to dash - speak soon" but without telling him what I was doing (actually nothing - but he didn't know that). I heard from mutual friends that it drove him mad because I seemd to be having a great time without him (I wasn't really but I wasn't going to let HIM know that).
The best thing is - once you start to act as if you are "living well" it really starts to happen, and I love my new life - no debt apart from mortgage, lovely house, lovely family and friends, good job, whereas his GF apparently leads him a merry dance and they are in debt up to their eyeballs

I can testify to that, last time i saw one of my ex's he was a little bit shocked to learn i was learning to drive, taking holidays and getting my life together again...:rotfl:

con_fused

Yes there is certainly no way I would show him my anger. I don't want to boost his ego anymore than it needs to be.

I have no doubt it will all come crashing down around him - I forgot to put in my original post that this girl he is with was previously having it away with his business partner (who has a girlfriend and two kids) so she's hardly a catch lol. I wonder how long it will take for either or both of their insecurities to catch up with them.

I'm in a better place, I feel I can start to be ME now without someone trying to suppress this. I don't think I can ask for much more than that

NEH

con_fused wrote: »

Yes there is certainly no way I would show him my anger. I don't want to boost his ego anymore than it needs to be.

I have no doubt it will all come crashing down around him - I forgot to put in my original post that this girl he is with was previously having it away with his business partner (who has a girlfriend and two kids) so she's hardly a catch lol. I wonder how long it will take for either or both of their insecurities to catch up with them.

I'm in a better place, I feel I can start to be ME now without someone trying to suppress this. I don't think I can ask for much more than that

I had an ex that cheated on me with someone at work. They didn't want anyone else at work knowing, at which point I pointed out that if she had slept with him and kept it quiet how many more people in his department had she slept with and asked them to keep it quiet...:rotfl:

con_fused

Exactly! It'll catch up with them eventually I'm sure