moral dilemma

lyniced

I want to share wiith you something that has been bothering me for a while.

A very dear friend (whom I've known for 14 years) went through a very messy divorce last year. She ended up with custody of her two gorgeous kids (8 and 11) and was able to keep her house (which was put into her name). As soon as her husband left (now ex) all the benefits fell into place. She works part time as a classroom assistant for 16 hours a week. I think anything above that and she would lose some of her benefits.

Anyway, since the divorce she has met a really nice new guy, who treats her right and is so lovely to her kids. He also went through a messy divorce last year, but ended up with no house (his ex wife got it or rather the money from the sale of the family home) and has ended up living with his brother and sister-in-law. He has a full time job and he is also supporting his two children.

To cut a long story short, my friend has told me (in confidence) that her new guy is virtually living with her full time. I kind of suspected this, but feel its information I didn't want to know. She knows it would affect her benefits if she discloses it and so do I. I'm torn because I know its wrong, but my friend has had such an awful few years, its so good to see her happy for once. And who knows if this relationship will last?

I feel since she told me this a few months ago, I have been wrestling with it and feel very unsure as to what to do.

passatrider

I will probably get shot down for saying this but it's really none of your business to be honest. I know she's a friend but could you really live with yourself if you report her then continue as if nothing happened?

Leave well alone..what goes around comes around in my eyes!

lyniced

passatrider wrote: »

I will probably get shot down for saying this but it's really none of your business to be honest. I know she's a friend but could you really live with yourself if you report her then continue as if nothing happened?

Leave well alone..what goes around comes around in my eyes!

Yes, I have thought the same, but it's just I wish she hadn't told me and now my conscience is pricked and I'm in turmoil.

Oldernotwiser

What benefits is your friend claiming?

lyniced

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

What benefits is your friend claiming?

Not sure, but I know she mentioned child tax credits, working tax credits, income support and do know she gets free eye tests, dental care and perscriptionss. I think she doesn't pay council tax either. Not sure about housing ben as its a private house. Obviously she gets child benefit too. Oh yes and she also gets £500 a month from her ex (child support)

passatrider

lyniced wrote: »

Yes, I have thought the same, but it's just I wish she hadn't told me and now my conscience is pricked and I'm in turmoil.

You cannot expect a bunch of strangers on a forum to make up your mind for you.

Either report her or leave well alone!

DX2

lyniced wrote: »

Not sure, but I know she mentioned child tax credits, working tax credits, income support and do know she gets free eye tests, dental care and perscriptionss. I think she doesn't pay council tax either. Not sure about housing ben as its a private house. Obviously she gets child benefit too. Oh yes and she also gets £500 a month from her ex (child support)

So she is a single parent and new bloke more or less living with her.
:silenced:

lyniced

DX2 wrote: »

So she is a single parent and new bloke more or less living with her.
:silenced:

yes, single mum with new guy living with her most of the time.

bestpud

If it were my friend I'd be telling her to sort it out as she could end up being prosecuted.

If she's had such a bad time, I'm sure she won't want to go through that as well!

Have a frank conversation with her - say you are glad she feels she can confide in you but she has actually made you feel very uncomfortable and you are worried for her and her children because benefit fraud is serious.

Whether to report or not depends on her reaction, I guess. It would obviously be preferable for them to make a decision one way or another.

Does he maintain another house anywhere? Does he pay council tax etc anywhere else?

Where does all his post etc go to? If it is her house, it probably won't be long before they catch up with her anyway!

lyniced

passatrider wrote: »

You cannot expect a bunch of strangers on a forum to make up your mind for you.

Either report her or leave well alone!

Well actually, its been cathartic just to get this off my chest.

lyniced

bestpud wrote: »

If it were my friend I'd be telling her to sort it out as she could end up being prosecuted.

If she's had such a bad time, I'm sure she won't want to go through that as well!

Have a frank conversation with her - say you are glad she feels she can confide in you but she has actually made you feel very uncomfortable and you are worried for her and her children because benefit fraud is serious.

Whether to report or not depends on her reaction, I guess. It would obviously be preferable for them to make a decision one way or another.

Does he maintain another house anywhere? Does he pay council tax etc anywhere else?

Where does all his post etc go to? If it is her house, it probably won't be long before they catch up with her anyway!

I think his post goes to his brother's house, but I can't be the only one who knows about this. Its not something you can hide for long, as you say.