Huge dilema over my job and my dreams.

johanne

Hi,

I dont often post on the families board but i do read most days! But tonight i find myself in a real dilema.... firstly let me explain the long and boring background:

I have been really unhappy in life for a while now.. im only young (21 on tuesday) but i was bullied so badly in school i tried to commit suicide when i was 14.. silly looking back now i know!! I couldnt face school after that, i had anxiety attacks and would physically vomit even looking at my school uniform!! It was so bad the school paid for me to go to college at 15 to get my GCSE's instead of completing my final year as i was a "bright A* student" . I got 5 GCSE's in 1 year at excellent grades and then started my A levels... but i started having problems with my health.. constantly being ill and exhausted etc.. a doctor thought i may be suffering from M.E so refferred me to the hospital... the appointment never arrived.. but college wouldnt let me continue my studies as i was making myself too ill trying to keep up with it all. So i had to leave and just carried on with my part time job @ Matalan. Since then ive had a variety of jobs..

• Sales assistant @ Matalan (Oct 2002 - Dec 2003) - Stupidly left 4 better pay
• Sales assistant - menswear company (Dec 2003 – April 2004) - quit as being bullied by my manager
• Sales assistant - pilot clothing (Nov 2004 to Jan 2005) - made redudant company went into admnistration overnight
• Night shift shelf stacker – Tesco (Feb 2005 – Dec 2005) - "dismissed" (on xmas eve!!) for being absent due to illness for 3 months)
• Trainee Supervisor @ H samuels (March 2006 – May 2006) - "dismissed" for being off ill too much during probationary period

As you can see... i havent had much look with jobs.. specially in the last 12 months since i had rubella..... I have lost 2 jobs in less than 6 months due to being off work ill with different things including infections, tonsilitis, depression and aniexty..

Im currently working in my first office job - only started on 31st of July this year so im still in my probabtionary period... BUT..... already had over 3 weeks off sick :eek: :eek::rolleyes: as i caught a bad kidney infection and its affected an existing problem i have with my spine.. (i have scoliosis - curve of the spine) Problem is... i hate the job anyway.. i only took it as i had bills to pay... lots of debt... and maxed out my overdraft and was facing homelessness... plus its the industry my dads in and has been for 30+ years and he helped me get it so i feel a little obliged.:o Its a steady job with a good salary of 13k a year to start... but its repetative and you dont see any "results" as im basically taking phone calls and entering the data into a system, i dont fit in with the others and feel isolated and a loner.. i have been a miserable moo since i started and started to feel depressed.

So while ive been off the last 2 weeks i decided to take charge of my life.. and do what makes ME happy for a change ..... so tonight... i plucked up all my courage...... took a really big deep breath and went to enrol at a night class in my old school! (i havent been able to drive past the place never mind go in without feeling sick for the last 7 years!) :j :j

The class i chose was "Inital training for classroom assistants" as i reeeeealllyy wanna work with kids and would like to work my way up to possibly being a teacher one day. Everything seemed great.. until the tutor mentioned the most important part of the course was a placement... i need to be able to go into a school for at least 1/2 a day every week for the next 12 weeks... then after xmas it would be for a full day. My heart sank i KNOW i wont be able to get this time off... there is no way my manager will agree, between my absences, the fact im now way behind on my training and the fact it has nothing to do with my job... so shows im not wanting to stay with the company... i may aswell sign my p45 for myself right now.

My dilema is what do i do.... cos i have bills to pay and debt to clear and cant REALLY afford to lose this job...!! BUT i dont know how secure this job is anyway as im still on my probationary and havent made a good start so far... After discussing it with my OH these seem to be my options:

A/ I a find a part time job quick.. and quit my job that makes me unhappy and do the course and hopefully be happy.

B/ Stay with my full time job.. and hope that i learn to love it and that they decide to keep me on after my probabtion.

Additional things to factor in though are:

• My OH is self employed as a painter so wont have much work coming in over the winter.. his income is soley dependant on getting clients some months he earns zilch.. so my income at the moment is the only steady one.. guaranteeing the roof is over our heads...but it doesnt cover EVERY outgoing.
  
• If i quit and cant find a new job i dont qualify for ANY benefits.. so id have to live off whatever my OH can earn (see above)
  
  
• If i dont do my dream course now.. i cant do it till next sept.. means waiting a whole year.. and therefore setting back all my plans a year.. to work in a job i hate.
  
• It wont look good on my CV to leave another job so soon in to it..
  
• This course and working part time while studying it would be just what the doctor ordered as he said the stress of working full time isnt good for me at the moment due to my health problems and i should start doing things for myself not other people.
  
• I could get fired any time in the next 2 months... and then i would be unemployed anyway.

I need to know what to do ASAP...but i just cant decide... follow my heart and be happy by quitting my job and doing this course and hopefully working part time...... or stay at my job, clear my debt, keep my partners mortgage paid so were not homeless..... and be dreadfully unhappy and probably ill again.

I know what id LOVE to do......... but my sensible head kicks in and tells me i have to pay my bills and to leave a career with a salary to part time shop work job probably would be stupid..

Has anyone read this far???? If so opinions needed please????

ailuro2

Is the company you work for accredited under the investors in people umbrella? Lots of companies these days are happy to support their employees in training, as they get grants etc. for being supportive towards training etc. I'd ask them and see what they say. Perhaps you could offer to make up the time with your present employer on a Saturday, or stay an hour extra every day to make up for lost time?

My first impression was you really need to get a handle on your illnesses (where possible) as these will ruin your classroom career just as badly as any current job you may have. Look at every day you have had off and ask if it was 100% necessary,or could you have gone into work,albeit feeling rough?
I know it seems harsh, but if you have a history of absence you need to spend a few miserable days at work proving it was serious when you were off before!

Don't know if this makes sense to you or not.

purplepurple

Could you not get evening / night work and then study during the day? I know it will be knackering, but it's a means to an end. I know lots of people who are training for other jobs that work at Tesco during the evening / night and then study / do placements during the day.
If you're really serious that you want to teach, then perhaps you could do something during the evenings to pay the bills while you concentrate on getting trained up and then employed in a field you feel passionate about.....

Bossyboots

I agree that you need to get your health issues sorted. You are not going to last five minutes as a classroom assistant if you keep taking time off as schools need someone they can rely on. When you start going into schools, you are going to be exposed to all sorts of bugs and viruses so they should accept some time off sick at the start but not endless days or weeks and they, like your other employers, will ask you to leave.

If you were still living at home my answer would be different and I would say you have to follow your dream. However, you have chosen to live with your partner (nothing wrong with that btw) so you have other responsibilities.

If you were my daughter my advice would be this. Stick at what you are doing for another year. Get yourself as settled as possible with a plan for paying off your debts. You may have to live a frugal year but if your dreams mean that much to you then it will be worth it. Over the year, work out your finances to see how you would cope without your wage. You need to plan this meticuously, not just jump in. Keep an eye on what jobs come up by checking locally every week. You will see where regular recruitment comes up.

After the year you can decide if you are ready to move on. You will hopefully have a year's successful employment behind you. You will have thought it through and planned.

I would just caution you though that you are very young to be looking at being a classroom assistant and if my local primary school is a guide, you will be up against much older people when you apply for jobs. Older more experienced people are employed by the school as classroom assistants for a variety of reasons not least the fact that they will have been exposed to the bugs that go around, they will be an older face in the classroom to help out younger teachers (ironic that teachers can start at around 22 but they take on older classroom assistants to help), they believe them to be more reliable.

If you applied for a job at that school, you would not even get an interview because of your poor employment record. You need a steady job under your belt before you start to make your dream come true. You need to be able to establish to a potential employer that you can hold down a job.

I really wish you well with this. You must follow your dream at some stage as you will always look back otherwise and regret it. I just think that perhaps right now is not the time.

lynzpower

Im inclined to agree with bossyboots I have to say.

Although part of me says follow your dream without stable income you are going to struggle. What about asking for flexitime at your job say 4 long days and a day off in the week ( which is what my mother does)

Also check scoleosis and your other health problems dont fall as you being disabled. I have health needs and I am classed as disabled under the DDA.

Another angle is could you do some volunteering to get some experience with kids, maybe your local brownie group or another child-focused group. this will also increase your confidence with kids, I did volunteering and effectivley that got me the job, not courses. However, both are important.

Have your ME tests turned up anything?

Bossyboots

Thats a good idea to start off with voluntary work. It would give an extra string to the bow when applying for classroom assistant jobs because it will show an interest in children and time spent working with them.

However, the voluntary sector will also expect reliability. It is no good them arranging a trip out to suddenly have you calling in sick every time. You will need a reference from them at some stage. You need to apply the same dilgence to voluntary work as you do employment and this means by attendance when expected as well as your actual performance.

You can and will make this dream come true if you just take a bit of time to plan for it.

johanne

I forgot to mention.... i DO work with kids already voluntarily! Im a scout leader and have been for ages! I love it to death and sometimes its been the only thing that i look forward to in the week. The kids are great and have really helped boost my confidence.... i get a buzz of working with them... and its the one place i dont mind letting my hair down and not being my usual self which is the the shy, quiet one in the corner unwilling to try anything that might remotely make me look like a fool

Unfortunetly the feeling doesnt last when i get into work the next day... and all the talk is about "celebs", sex, how drunk everyone got at the weekend, and b*tching over everyone else in the office!! :rolleyes: It puts me on a downer as the night before i was probably doing something really interesting and getting asked questions ive never thought of before. And here am i sat at a desk with no way to express my personality, following a set script on the phone and entering the same data in the computer 37.5 hours a week... with nothing to show for it at the end of the week and no job satisfaction.

ailuro2 wrote:

Is the company you work for accredited under the investors in people umbrella?

Not as far as i know and i strongly doubt it too..

ailuro2 wrote:

Look at every day you have had off and ask if it was 100% necessary,or could you have gone into work,albeit feeling rough?
I know it seems harsh, but if you have a history of absence you need to spend a few miserable days at work proving it was serious when you were off before!

I have done this, i went into work with Rubella rash for 2 nights!! It was only when one the women working with me realised what it "looked like" i was sent the emergency centre by my manager..... In this job too i went into work and they insisted i go home as i looked so bad and was obviously not well. All my abscences have been covered by sick notes, I have even begged the doctor not to sign me off.. just give me the antibiotics but they always seem to insist i need time off to rest. I know u might say ignore the doctors notes or just dont go the doctors... but when im ill my OH and parents insist i go..specially due to my history.. and then insist i follow what the doctors say.:rolleyes:

purplepurple wrote:

Could you not get evening / night work and then study during the day? I know it will be knackering, but it's a means to an end. I know lots of people who are training for other jobs that work at Tesco during the evening / night and then study / do placements during the day.

This is what i wanna do... take on a different job or 2... the course is only 2.5 hours a week on a thursday night 6:30pm-9pm... so it DOESNT affect my job to attend the actual lessons.... its just needing that 1/2/full day off to do the placements!!!

So i could even work 9-5 on 4 days a week.... and maybe a weekend day... to make it full time..... i just cant work weekends or extra hours with my current employer!!!!! :rolleyes: :mad: So a full time job where i work weekends would be ideal! Still brings in the money, but i get to do the course..!!

bossyboots wrote:

I agree that you need to get your health issues sorted. You are not going to last five minutes as a classroom assistant if you keep taking time off as schools need someone they can rely on. When you start going into schools, you are going to be exposed to all sorts of bugs and viruses so they should accept some time off sick at the start but not endless days or weeks and they, like your other employers, will ask you to leave.

I totally understand this... but as i work with kids at scouts and interact alot with mine and OHs nephews and nieces (all under 8) i have already been exposed to all sorts of bugs!! :rotfl: (maybe thats why ive been off so much??:rotfl: )

ynzpower wrote:

Also check scoleosis and your other health problems dont fall as you being disabled. I have health needs and I am classed as disabled under the DDA.

Have your ME tests turned up anything?

I dont know if my scoleosis would count as being disabled?? I have never looked into it... just accepted it as a "minor problem" and got on with my life...

The appointment for my ME referral never come through... i have bugged my doctors to refer me again but they are insisting its just depression and a coincidence that i get ill alot and feel tired They keep doing blood and urine tests (im back at the docs today for my 2nd lot of test results this month!!) BUT they keep coming up "inconclusive" or "nothing showing" so the doctor shrugs his shoulders and doesnt do anything else.. as im obviously not ill if the tests dont show anything :rolleyes:

jezebel

Wow. In some ways I feel as though I'm looking in a mirror when you talk about your lack of continuity in working life and the amount of sick leave you've had. I'm 25 and still don't know what I want to do with my life, so full credit to you for having a dream and following it up.

It sounds like you already know roughly what you want to do - ie get another job and work during the week and weekends, it sounds like you have a good basis of experience in retail so maybe this is the place to start looking - especially as a lot of places take on extra staff at this time of year.

If you do decide to stick in your current job talk to your boss about using holiday time or flexi time to take days out. Most people are entitled to 20 days a year holiday and if you can take these as one day a week then you would be able to cover half the year with 1 day a week off, it would also mean with school holidays that you might be able to do this for 2 terms. With Flexi-time could you maybe take 30 mins for lunch and work an extra 30 mins or start 15-30 mins early each day or stay a little later - this way you could get back half a day across the week and have time to go out and do things for college.

Scouting is a great way to get a job as a classroom assistant, as is voluntary work - my sister, now training to be a teacher, got a job as a TA based purely on volunteer work and her enthuasiasm for the job - but don't be disheartened if you don't get a job straight away as there tends to be fierce competition for such positions and you might get turned down a couple of times before you find the right job for you.

Just remember that you may need to make sacrifices in the short term (ie staying in a job you hate, or working 2 jobs to make ends meet) but keep the long term goal in sight and you can acheive it.

rjh090384

i used to have me and was in a simialr situation to yourself. the doctors didnt DO m.e. it was oh your depressed blah blah blah and it got so bad that i tried to kill myself. didnt work as im here to tell the tale. the docotrs make u feel so bad. u need to get urself officially diagnosed with m.e try a diffrerent doctor and get on a treatment plan.u nedd to get it sorted or you will end up not being able to follow your dream. i too caugth so many bugs etc when i was ill and even though i am not too bad anymore (still get very tired but not as bad) i still catch everything else as my body doesnt cope well with bugs etc. i dont have that much time off now (about once every 3 months) but when somehting hits me it hits me hard!

my real advice is get yourself sorted m.e. wise before anything else. change doctor if necessary.

rjh090384

oh and by the way i had a million tests and they never found anything which is part of the reason m.e. is looked down on so much. also employers and my school thought i was making it up and trying to skive off.

lynzpower

I can completely sympathise with you Johanne as I too have an undiagnosed condition, the only thing I can categorically SAY I have is recurrent pelvic inflammatory disease. yet employers seem to think that that means im sleeping around and bringing it on myself :mad:

However, I have had this condition for almost 10 years, it impairs my ability to function and this I am classsed as disabled under the DDA. Mental health problems also count too, so even if it were depression, you are not to be discriminated against due to your health needs .

I had a VERY interesting conversation with the disability rights commission today which has shed a lot of light on the fact that my employter might not be playing by the rules. I honestly suggest you do the same, if nothing else, just to see.

Lynz
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