Advice needed please --son wanting to quit Uni!!

gilly41

Hi
Thanks to everyone that posted whilst i was typing! He probably does need a year out--I have decided to let him make the final decision without me influencing him.It is difficult though cos he has done so well!
Awww sorry Lynz to hear about your degree---I havent read your story so not sure what has happened!
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Ivrytwr3

I have no idea whether this would be a good idea or not, but if it is the lure of cash that is tempting him why not offer an incentive? ie if he completes this final year you will pay for his trip to America or a car etc

If this is his final "push" then you should do everything you can to get him to stay on, this is his chance for a better lifestyle. After this he's on his own!!

I appreciate at his age it is all about now, but i wish i had listened to my parents when they were urging me to continue with my studies.

LewisC_2

Hi gilly41,

If he's 20 and hell-bent on leaving uni, it's very unlikely he's going to listen. If his step-dad is close to him as you say, that may be a way through. Do you know what his friends have said to him about it?

lush_walrus

Maybe one idea might be to have a look at what jobs he can get with his current level of qualifications in the area of work he wants to get into, and then compare it to what he can work in with the extra qualification. It could be that he can end up in the same place with or without the qualification (teaching excluded, but perhaps he is willing to rule this out already). That really is the key to it I think. If it hinders him in the area he wants to go into to pull out now, then he may find the enthusiasm to carry on... If it makes no difference whatsoever, then it might not be such a bad thing to pull the plug.

What about if he defers this next year? Then the option is open for the next year and he can re-assess?

themaccas

Hi Gilly, I know it's difficult when kids decide one thing and we think we know what is better for them. My DS1 has plans to go to Film School and wants to become a film director. Who knows if he will make it in this highly competative industry, statistics say he won't. However after much discussion and wringing of hands by myself and OH, we have decided to support him in what he wants to do. He may decide to not go after all (he is doing A levels at the mo) and do something else or end up bankrupt financing this expensive career :eek: , however OH and myself have both studied and changed careers later in life - OH has just finished his degree and I complete mine in May next year so there is always the opportunity to change your mind and career.

Your son has a foundation degree and he will be able to use that to step back on to the university treadmill whenever he wants. Just support him in his decision, whatever happens, he'll be alright and will find a pathway that suits him, time is on his side.

saubryn

Eeek, I must have mis-read the first post - I thought he'd actually been offered the job for some reason.

If he is going to give up his place at uni without getting a job that sounds like a bad idea to me. It really sounds like he needs to talk to the uni and tell them what he is thinking - even if only to avoid burning any bridges should things not work out in the next year.

If he wants a break, he may as well have one - at 20 theres plenty of time to change your mind, but its best to make sure that the chance to go back will still be there.

gilly41

I think if he defers he wont ever go back!!I have just pointed out to him that if I had my time again and I was 20 I would do things very differently but of course that is sooo easy for me to say now!!!!
I have also told him that a job of 12K now will not increase hugely in salary over the next 5 years but with a degree he could maybe be looking at a job with a starting salary of maybe 16-18K next year!!!He did seem to be thinking about it when i said it is only 9.5 months of his life----but I realise i cant make him do anything he doesnt want to do so i will have to just sit back and see what the next few days bring!!!
Thanks again everyone
xx

captiva

Hi Gilly,

Maybe you could talk to him about the idea that when things are stressful it doesn't mean they should be avoided. If he can be brave enough to face his challenges, he will gain an enormous sense of pride from having done so.

This decision will last throughout his life and I think you're right to give him strong advice so he doesn't have to learn the value of a degree by the more painful means of not having one.

Good luck!

LewisC_2

If he's discussing it and not refusing it outright, this is a young man's way of saying "please persaude me otherwise". Believe me!

gilly41

I actually packed in my A levels half way through the second year as I had found out I was pregnant with my daughter(she is 23). I think because my parents were so keen on me getting married(they were wrong as that didnt work out LOL) and not continuing with my studies I was determined to try and encourage my kids to do the very best they could. I realise though that there comes a point when you have to just sit back and let them decide what is right for them!
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