Advice needed please --son wanting to quit Uni!!

gilly41

Hi
I know this isnt really a debt free question but I am hoping someone can advise! My son is 20 and just returned from 8 weeks coaching soccer over in California.He has just completed 2 years at Uni and come out with a Foundation degree in Sports Coaching. He is about to return to Uni to do a Top Up for a year---a BA in Sports Coaching----meaning that in 9.5 months he will hopefully have not only a Foundation degree but a degree too!!!!!!
Anyhow, he has called round today as he is saying he doesnt want to go back to Uni---he says it stresses him out and that it isnt what he wants to do.I know he isnt very studious but he has managed to go to uni(and he seemed to love it!!) for 2 years and come out with a second in his Foundation which is brilliant!!I have no idea really as to why he doesnt want to go back(due to go on Saturday---OH and I were taking him back!)--he just says he has seen a job at the local college as an assistant coach(12K a year!!) and that he is going to apply!!He says he knows i will try and talk him round!
I honestly thought he was planning going back to Uni and then having next summer in America again(which he really did love!!!).
What do you think i should advise?He says he will be back round later to chat to his stepdad when he gets in from work(they are very close!!).
I feel it is such a shame to waste this chance---but how do you explain that to a 20 year old?????? It is such a short time in his life!!He wanted to teach but without this degree he cant even consider it!!!
x

floridadreamin

No words of wisdom to offer you but I can send you hugs. Someone more experienced in dragging children up will no doubt be along soon. Take care and remember whilst we don't want them to make mistakes sometimes we have to stand by and watch while they do. All we can do is be there to pick up the pieces. Good luck

Imelda

Hi Gilly41,

I think you should focus on the positives, at least he has found something he enjoys, uni is not for all.
I had a crisis of confidence at the beginning of my second year and was persuaded by my personal tutor not to quit altogether but to defer my place for a year. I did this, worked for a year in a bank, and practically ran back to uni! Once the realities of working life hit home he may decide to go back, the main thing is not to burn your bridges. I ended up going to a different uni altogether for my second and third years and loved it. Once I graduated I got a job more easily too as I already had some experience.
Could he do his third year part time over 2 years? His new job may even sponsor him, it needn't be all or nothing.

floridadreamin

just had another thought (hubby would be scared!) Is he able to take a year out? Perhaps apply for this job, do it for a year and then go back and complete his course next year? It may be that applying for this job and getting it or not as the case may be will make him realise that he needs to complete his education.

piglet6

A difficult one, Gilly... I know a bit how he feels because I took my 3rd year out as a student and it was very difficult to go back and knuckle down to "proper" study again for my final year...:o

If you think its the 12k drawing him, maybe it might be worth pointing out a teacher's starting salary (not sure how much that is, but I'm pretty sure its nearer to 18-20k last time I heard...?!). Thats nearly an extra £1000 of annual salary for every month that he sticks to his studies, as soon as he starts working... It will take him a long while in "average pay rises" to make that extra.:rolleyes: Maybe point out what the difference per month/year can be spent on (nice car, holidays, :beer: etc).

Alternatively, would reminding him that he's already got 2/3 of this degree behind him and that for the sake of skipping the last 1/3, it will make his 2 years experience so far "worth less" (can't think of the right way to say that, but I hope you know what I mean) work?

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that he comes round and sees sense (very easy for me to say with the benefit of middle age and hindsight!:p).

Piglet

saubryn

At least he's thought about it and found a job

I think it would be a good idea to see if he could go part time, or maybe defer a year just to keep his options open.

I don't know anything about sports coaching - does he *need* a full degree to have good prospects in his career?

all_hours

Hi gilly,

I think I remember reading you post about this before he went. Wasn't he thinking of quitting uni and taking a full time office job that he'd been doing part time?

I understand what you mean about 9.5 months being such a short time - but it sounds as though he really doesn't want to go back to study at the moment. He's tried out coaching and appears to like it - perhaps he doesn't want to teach anymore?

He's only 20 - could he take the top up year after a couple of years working if he wanted to? If he doesn't get the coaching job he'll get something else then might decide to persue teaching at a later date.

If it doesn't close any doors I'd stop trying to talk him around - you have a son full of get up and go - who seems to apply himself to whatever he is involved with.

Bambywamby

You have to support him in whatever descision he makes.
What may seem right for you - may not be right for him.

He has been learning for 15 years non stop - maybe he just needs a really good break.

Can he have a gap year, if he is feeling the pressure?...give himself more time to be 100% sure of what he wants.

Sobraon

It would be really useful to talk to the student guidance department at his university (independent from the academic department) to talk through the options (preferably him but you can talk to them to with his permission).

These may include temporary withdrawal, varying his intensity of study (P/T or distance learning), or continuing his study P/T at a local University. Positive here is he may be able to combine the job he wants with the course.

He sounds like a budding PE teacher to me (he seems to like children, coaching and sports) but he will need his top up and QTS for this.

Good luck!

lynzpower

I could not agre more with Allhours.

Your sons obviously not wanted to be at uni for a while, I remember your prevouis posts as well.

Uni isnt for everyone. I wish Id left earlier and then I wouldnt be paying it off still 10 years on! bUT then im bitter about my degree as everyone knows!

gilly41

Hi
A HUGE thanks to everyone for their help---I am sat hear thinking that at 42 it is easy to see that 9 months of his life is NOTHING but for him he says that he doesnt want to feel stressed out for that long!!!! He has done so well though as he didnt have many GCSEs and just managed to get on a BTEC--- he scraped through with a pass after 2 years of hard work at College and got a place at Uni---the result being a Second in his Foundation Degree---which I am so proud he has achieved!!!
He went on the same last year but when he got back he seemed to love it---I honestly think it must be the lure of cash!!!!!!-I just feel that if he doesnt go on Saturday that is that---he wont ever return to studies as all his mates will be finished and he isnt the most studious person in the world--his main passion is Sport!
He may give up his place at Uni and not even get an interview for this job!!I will then, I think, have him moaning to me saying he wished he had gone back!!!
I have told him that he could be on double the salary of this job he is interested in if he goes back but it seems to be falling on deaf ears!!
Thanks again everyone
xx