Gift lists - what do you think?

Louba

I'm struggling with the whole idea of a gift list. I've been married before so I feel a bit guilty putting a list together and asking peole for stuff. We don't really need anything either - we're in our thirties and are already living with each other. And - we're both quite MSE and try to be gentle on the environment so we don't often buy things new and it seems a bit wrong to ask people to do something that we wouldn't if we were buying for ourselves.
We could have nothing - but I suspect people will still get us things and with not list I guess they are more likely to be things we really don't need. Also having been to loads of weddings recently - a list does make it easier for guests who want to get something. I like the idea of a charity list - we are getting married in a National Park and thought about asking people to donate to its upkeep. I also wondered about having a list where you can ask people for stuff that isn't new or for their time and help with something. So if you want a tea set you can put a picture of the sort of thing you like but say its ok for it to be one that someone was given as a gift but didn't want or has used and got fed up of. There are a couple of american sites that let you do this.
What do you think? Do you think guests would go for this or is it better to stick with a very small list and donations to charity? What is everyone else doing?

Lexxi

I think some of the blogs/sites let you create a list saying what you want and your guests can tick things off if they buy something but don't buy through the list, I think.
I have similar issues, we could do with a new dinner set but I'd never get one from debenhams or john lewis etc so I wouldn't want to give someone a gift list with one

Louba

That's exactly the problem - I don't want it to look like we are taking an opportunity to upgrade everything we've got! This site looks a bit nasty and American but it lets you do that kind of thing http://www.mygiftlist.com/

Cara79

This is the thing I've found difficult...I find the whole concept quite hard but equally know if we did nothing, then we would end up with lots of things we don't want.

We have the added complication (or not whichever way you look at it) that I am english and my partner is chinese; and therefore we've included a small gift list from www.blisslist.co.uk which allows you to choose anything from anywhere - not just debenhams etc. This allows people to "reserve" them, which means it's taken off your list and they purchase direct from the shop and bring it to the wedding for you; or they can "buy" which means paying that amount of money into a fund.

BUT, we have also included the chinese tradition of giving lucky money. We gave the option of either, but reiterating that we would just rather have their presence on the day.

It is a really difficult one I must admit

xx

Kazz81

I'm not having a gift list at all and I really hope my guests dont feel obliged to give a gift as our wedding abroad, which is an expense in itself. Plus we would struggle to take gifts home with us anyway.

There are soooo many things we need for the house, but even if we were having the wedding locally I would still feel a bit presumptous having a gift list, but thats just me.

Cara79

I sort of feel the same, but we had one wedding to go to and they didn't have a list and the bride got so fed up with people phoning and emailing in the run up to the wedding to ask what they wanted that they ended up wishing they had have had a list - if you know what I mean!

Kazz81

yeah I could understand getting fed up with emails and calls and stuff, but I am hoping that if anyone questions gifts that they will ring my mum not me and she can explain it to them!

missknixon

We are not having a guest list - we don't need anything so it seems cheeky to ask.

If we get things we will be perfectly happy but will be happy for people just to turn up!

ellay864

We're both on our 2nd wedding and also have pretty much all we need house-wise but already some people have asked us about list (14 months in advance fgs!!!) We're thinking of either using trailfinders or somewhere like honeymoney and getting anything anybody wants to put to a honeymoon. There's no having to show up with pressies and feeling awkward if you arrive empty handed, nobody will know who has or hasn't given presents. While we dont expect anybody to feel obliged we know that several of our guests will want to so this is a great solution for us

Louba

Thanks everyone - glad it's not just me that feels this is a bit of a dilemma! Cara, like you knowing my family I think people will want to give us stuff and I'd feel crappy if they spent money on stuff we never used. I had a list for my first wedding, good newss knows what I was thinking wehn I put it together - I still ended up with stuff that I never used - I just made sure it went with the ex when we broke up Ellay - I like the Trailfinders idea too, just need to think of somewhere to go on honeymoon.!

hannahjex

We didn't include a gift list at all. I know they're normal and helpful and pretty much expected nowadays but I felt cheeky requesting anything. People rang and asked about it and we told them we didn't need anything, so they gave us cash (which is what we wanted in the first place; just felt cheeky asking).