Holding son back from school

Spendless

Reception is very much a 'playing with some work' year, whereas formal learning starts in Yr 1. I noticed a big difference in how much more playing there was in Reception between my son and daughter going (3 year gap, now aged 10 and 7).

Friendship groups do form, but if they are in a school with more than 1 class per year who do mix them up, then there will be children i yr 1 who aren't with last years friend.

AFAIK your child will go straight into yr 1 if you hold him back a year. Whether he does 1/2 days first for a week, month or a term will vary. My kids did 1/2 days for 1-2 weeks. The 2 schools in the next village 1 takes them f-time from day 1, the other staggers them in well into late October. This is all the same LA.

1sttimer_2

I cannot comment of what your chosen school would do, but I can't think of any child who had been allowed to defer for a year. Your school will obviously be the one to let you know. I'm sure they will be back to you soon to save any stress you are having about it.

In my own situation DD2's birthday is 19th August and she couldn't wait to go and did well all the way through with no problems and when taking her 11plus, late birthdates were given some leeway on their results.

DD1 had a friend who's birthday is 31st August so she was only 3 when starting school FT. She had no problems either (she was very bright and quite advanced in her age so that might have helped).

My DD1 is a reception teacher and they do know that there will be lots of children who have 'blankets/cuddlies' and toilet issues and they are well prepared for them.

Good luck in whatever happens, and be prepared to accept the school terms as if you are upset/worried, it will only filter down to your little one and may make him upset/worried.

pigpen

My sisters birthday is the 21st August so she was just 4 and 1 week when she was due to start school.. so my mother feeling she was not ready kept her back until the easter when she would normally be due to start school.

When my sis eventually started school she was already 2 terms behind her peers, the friendship groups had already formed so she had noone to make friends with, they could all read a few words at least and she couldn't.. she was at a massive disadvantage.

My mother said it was a big mistake keeping her back because she never caught up with the friendships and social elements.. and she struggled for the first 2-3 years at school due to those first couple of terms missed learning.

ChrisCobra

My opinion is you shouldnt hold back your kids education.
In Sweden they start school ( Dagis ) at age 1 - 2 if you want them to go , my almost 3 year old daughter can speak english and swedish , and is far more co ordinated and confident in anything she does now.

Just my 2 pence.

emsywoo123

As I mentioned earlier, DD is an August baby, and she goes to an independent.

Yes the hours are longer IF you wait til year one. The earlier the start, the more flexible they will be with the hours, that is my experience.

They are long hours though. DD does 8.15-3.40 until prep (year 3) which she is going into in September, when she will finish at 4.15.

You really do need to speak to the head. TBH, if you are not signed and paid up ready for Sep start already, you are unlikely to be able to start straight away in 1st week. I would personally get an appt to speak to head 1st week of term to discuss all this.

kafkathecat

Two boys I know, from different families, came to Britain from abroad aged 5 and 6. They joined their respective year groups and within a few months were top of their classes; they had soon caught up with the work. One had an August birthday as well. So you could just join late without holding him back a year, when you think he is ready.

CG77

Hi Lisa,

I've been in a very similar position to yourself over the last few months. My little man is due to start school in September too and although he was 4 in May, he is young for his age (due to things in his past). He is fine with going to the toilet etc but just plays better with children a year younger than him and children his own age just seem to want to play with things that are just 'beyond him' somehow.

I ummed and ahhed about what to do with him and had lots of advice giving both sides like you've had here. In the end I decided the best possible outcome would be if he did start with his peers and coped fine, so I decided that I do need to give him that chance. I was worried that if I decided now not to send him, I might be disadvantaging him (with regards to socialising, having the foundations of the reception year before going in to year 1 etc) unnecessarily as I wouldn't even know if there was a problem or not (IYSWIM?). I spoke to our School Admissions dept at the Local Authority and mentioned my fears to the school too, so I could feel happy in the knowledge that we could have a back up plan IF it all went wrong. I am going to send him in Sept as normal and hope it all goes well.

I keep talking to him now every few days about it, giving him a good run down of the day, from walking there with me in the mornings to where he'll put his coat and where he'll eat his lunch, to playing with the other children and me picking him up at the back door. He knows the names of the teacher and the TA really well (only because I keep talking about them) and tells me (and his teddies when he's in bed!!) that he'll sit on the carpet and listen to the teacher telling a story and will put his hand up to ask the teacher if he needs a wee 'cos I can go whenever I want as long as I tell the teacher'! I feel all these things are preparing him really well. He knows nobody at the school at all yet as we are new to the area and has only been attending nursery for one day a week, so similarish to your son, but I hope that all the prep I'm doing with him will help him to feel settled. I've also managed to get the number of another parent in his class whose child also doesn't know anyone and we plan to meet up a few times over the summer so when he goes in Sept I can say, 'OK, off you go and sit on the carpet next to XXXX'.

Now IF (and I hope it doesn't happen) he doesn't settle, my back up plan in the first instance will be to continue sending him mornings only and build it up slowly to full time when I feel he's ready (school have said this is fine). I really don't want to take him out totally but know I can legally if it all goes wrong, although to me it would be a very last resort as I feel getting him back in, even in year one, would then be even more difficult.

I'll stop now cos I know I've waffled, but I just wanted to offer you some support and ideas and also my experience of making the same decision.

At the end of the day you know your child best and of course will make the decision for the best reasons. It's so hard-just ensure you're fully informed of all avenues and options and I'm sure you'll come to the right decision for your little fella!

Good luck and don't hesitate to PM me if you like because I do know how it feels!

CG. x

grey_lady

I've read that they've done studies on this and the youngest in the year arent as advanced as the oldest with social skills - not necessarily the learning side of things. I was always the youngest and was very, very shy as a child but didnt have a problem with the learning side of things. Not sure if going a year later and being the oldest would have changed that or not.

I seem to remember one canadian study where more than 80% of kids that were in their school sports teams were born between Sept and Feb and that continued throughout school because the ones that were bigger / developed earlier were given the extra coaching from a young age making them more likely to get picked for next years teams.

But I'm sure there's lots to consider, sounds like it could be totally fine for some.

Rainey_LB

I would send him, the first term is about settling them in, getting used to the routine and starting their phonics groups etc, but most of the learning is still done through play, plus they are starting to make friends, its easier to do this when groups aren't already formed.

Although neither of mine are the youngest in their classes, my daughter is one of the younger children and has a very young class, with 7 of the children being July/Aug birthdays, (it's costing me a fortune in birthday cards at the moment! lol) one boy has a birthday on 30 Aug and has always been just fine.

Also going into year one without doing Reception, will mean he is missing a whole year in school and will have missed out on loads of learning and will have a lot of catching up to do. I would recommend working closely with the school instead when he starts and instead of withdrawing him completely if you think he is not coping see if he can leave at lunchtime for the first term, lots of schools do this anyway.

Think very carefully!!

lisaloo1977

emsywoo123 wrote: »

As I mentioned earlier, DD is an August baby, and she goes to an independent.

Yes the hours are longer IF you wait til year one. The earlier the start, the more flexible they will be with the hours, that is my experience.

They are long hours though. DD does 8.15-3.40 until prep (year 3) which she is going into in September, when she will finish at 4.15.

You really do need to speak to the head. TBH, if you are not signed and paid up ready for Sep start already, you are unlikely to be able to start straight away in 1st week. I would personally get an appt to speak to head 1st week of term to discuss all this.

Hi, thank you for the reply.

We are all paid up and due to start in September. I have spoken with the receptionist and she has told me that my son's teacher will be in school tomorrow so will give me a call to discuss my concerns. The receptionist did say that he will not be the only summer baby and that his class of 14 children actually has quite a few in the same birth month as him.

I would think we will go ahead and send him, but will obviously keep in contact with his teacher with regards to how well he is getting on. They did say if he does struggle, we can drop him to half days which is also good to know.

Im sure he will suprise us all and manage just fine, i on the other hand seem to be a born worrier. I have just spoken with his nursery manager who assures me he stops crying the second we leave and has even been known to say he only cries to upset us:eek:

I guess it really is time to buy that school uniform.

Oh i just wanted to say i never express any concerns infront of my son. I would not want him to pick up any negative thoughts because of them and therefore influence his own thoughts on big boy school.