Holding son back from school

lisaloo1977

robpw2 wrote: »

i went to school and i had only been 5 for about two weeks birhday is in august ... never dod me any harm

Thanks for the response, i want him to start when he has just turned 5 which would be next september, not just turned 4 which is what it will currently be if he goes this year.

miss_independent

lisaloo1977 wrote: »

Wow thanks for the quick responses:T

I have spoke to the school and i am waiting on a call back, i am just in a bit of a panic as the more i read about it the more depressing it sounds.

I have read that girls do cope better and it is boys that struggle most.
He is at nursery at the moment for two days a week, he does enjoy it but getting him there is a nightmare. He is also very tired afterwards and this is only going two days a week. When he starts school his hours will increase to 5 days starting at 8-30am and finishing at 4-30pm, i am not sure he is ready for this.

I know i can hold him back a year, but would he then miss reception year and go straight into year 1 or would he be able to start next year in reception?

I so wish i had managed to hold onto him for another week and didnt have this to deal with.

Some of the reasons that i believe he is not ready are the fact he will not go to the toilet alone, someone has to go with him. He would rather have an accident than go alone. He still has his snug bear that goes everywhere with him and is in general just very young in his ways.

I want him to have the best chance in life and can't help feeling that an extra year to develop outside of the classroom will help him do that.

I wish that the school would phone back already!!!

I think in your heart of hearts you already know the answer. The thing is, if he does start next year he will have just turned 5 and there will be other kids who are 5 in September and October anyway! I missed a year of high school and chose to repeat the year and found that I was actually only a couple of months older than the other kids rather than a school year. But I would only hold him back if he would start the following year in reception, as peachyprice points out, if he has to join this year's group in Yr 1, catch up with work and work his way into already established groups it may be very difficult.

thriftmonster

My younger son is an end of June birthday - here in NI the cut off is the 1st July, not September, so he was the youngest in his class. He had no problems at all, although here for the first two years they used the "enriched curriculum" which is more learning through play. A lot of his class had July and Aug birthdays so were nearly a full year older than him but it didn't seem to matter.

Siemo

I'm a reception teacher and would say that you know your child best and what he will be able to cope with. At my school all children start in September, but spring/summer borns do mornings only until January. We have had some children who have stayed part time after Jan because that's what their parents wanted. I think to a certain extent you can do what you like because until the term after their 5th bday there is no legal obligation to attend school. I think for a just-4 year old the school day is a long one and some children would benefit from a bit more time at home. Some 4 year olds cope brilliantly though, so it really does depend on your child.

But....having said all that, in many schools year 1 is much more formal than reception, and it would be a real shame for your son to miss out on what is (or should be!) a fun introduction to school life by missing the reception year altogether. In a lot of schools it could be a real shock to your son to be thrown straight in to literacy/numeracy/science etc. Things like opportunities for free choice and outdoor play are usually much more limited in year 1 (which is a big shame in my opinion, but that's the way it is unfortunately).

See what the school say about it, I think in your position I'd be inclined to send him mornings only to start with if the school will allow it and see how he goes. You may well find that he loves it and decides he wants to go full time like his friends. Or you could see if he can start after Christmas, but personally I wouldn't leave it any later than that just to give him time to settle in properly.

Surfbabe

If he doesn;t start in the coming academic year he will miss reception completely and go straight into to Year 1 which can be just as detrimental as he will obviously have lost a whole year with his peer group as wel as the foundations laid down for schooling. Its worth asking the school if he can do mornings ony for a term or so - I know that we do at the school I work at.

My goddaughter started school 4 days after she turned 4 - she is now a fully qualified doctor with a string of A levels and did a BSc in a year and got a 1st whilst qualifying

lisaloo1977

peachyprice wrote: »

Given the choice again, and seeing how detrimental it was to my DD I would never choose a school that has such late intakes and would definitley never deliberately delay starting school.

if you keep him back he will go straight into year 1.

HTH

Do you know if that would be the same policy if he went to an independent school?

moggylover

I'm not going to give advice, only share my own experience, as each child is different and only the parent (and perhaps health visitor and potential teacher) can judge and decide for them.

I had always considered 5 plenty early enough for children to start school (as it was in my own day) and felt that they needed a period of being "a child" in the true sense, and at home with their mum and not shoved off into school. However, my DS1 was in need of greater stimulation than being at home with mum and a younger brother, and very much needed to be with other kids and to charge around. His is a late July birthday, and he started in the September following his 4th birthday and took to it like a duck to water. However, he had been at nursery in the same school (only 3 mornings) so the change wasn't too bad for him, although he was tired after school for the first few weeks.

DS2's birthday is 4th Feb and he actually started school in the April following this as he was bored to distraction in nursery and needed the "stretching" that his brain got in school. He was ahead of the rest of the class throughout and is still a straight A student, despite being a rather clingy little one that lacked confidence and was upset at my leaving him at nursery or school. I found it tough leaving him (tears every morning) but in retrospect I am glad I did as he actually gained a lot of confidence in a short time by my forcing the issue.

They are 15 and 12 now. However, they were going in to a small village school of something like 35 pupils in total and not a huge school where any problems they were having might have been overlooked.

I think you can only judge the individual child, but would not be manipulated by tears if they remain clingy on starting. It was mere seconds after my leaving before DS2 stopped crying and got on with the day and, as I said, it did actually help him to be less clingy and more confident.

Good luck with the decision.

chloe99_2

I think it is up to the head teacher what year group your child is moved to.

some (not many) will allow them to stay a year behind throughout primary.

there may be some issue about the fact that he would have to take his yr 6 sats in yr 5 (if they are still around at that time!!) - if you care about this - the sats arent supposed to be a reflection onthe childs ability as much as the schools ability so dont let this put you off

some school would give you 1 term in reception then switch to yr 1 (so missing 2 terms of r and 1 term of yr 1) so that he is with his age peers after one year.

do consider the impact of friendship and friend making skills if the school is wanting to chop and change his year group around like this

some schools will just allow him to start reception late say in january - and for some shools this would be standard practice for young children

I have been told before that when children go to secondary school they HAVE to go in their correct year group so he would effectively miss out on yr 7 (if ths is true) - I've also been told that it ISNT true

I would collect all the info you need from your local head teacher to answer these concerns and then think again.

mrcow

robpw2 wrote: »

i went to school and i had only been 5 for about two weeks birhday is in august ... never dod me any harm

:rotfl:

Somehow I don't think your post is going to offer much comfort to the OP.

Siemo

By the way, just to clarify, if you hold him back a year he will start in year 1, NOT in reception. It is very rare to find a child that has been held back a year, although I have known it happen, there has to be a serious developmental reason as far as I'm aware, and just being an August birthday would not count.

Tigsteroonie - you might have more of a chance of keeping your son back if he has suffered some delay through being premature. I don't know how you go about finding out though, you'd be best talking to a health visitor or doctor if you are concerned.