Help - Feel totally trapped!

manicmiz

Hi, hope someone can give me some advice on my situation please. Basically I am just starting a DMP with CCCS to pay off non-secured debts which are all in my name (although run up jointly with my oh). My husband and I going through a hard time at the moment and are talking about separating, however if he moves out he will obviously not be able to contribute as much to household expenses and mortgage (currently puts in £800). We live in a 3 bed house, so theoretically I could downsize and find a flat or something for me and my son but a) we have lost £35 k on the house in the two years since we bought it and b) my credit rating is shot to pieces so prob. wouldn't even be accepted to rent somewhere. So what can I do?? If he moves out, I won't be able to pay my DMP and prob. not even cover the mortgage (which is massive as took out fixed rate before interest rates dropped) and bills on my own but it's so stressful staying together when you are arguing all the time. I'm worried about the effect it will have on my son. What would happen if he moved out and I couldn't pay the mortgage? Would they repossess even if there is negative equity? Is there something else I could do? Thanks for reading, sorry it's an essay!

NorthernLas

I am sorry you are having a hard time at present.

You have made a great start sorting out a DMP with CCCS. Once that is up and running it will make things easier.
With regard to your circumstances, is the mortgage in joint names?
Are you working?

Whatever the situation, there will be options - even if it is to tell your creditors you cannot pay them while you sort out priority bills.

Sort out the things that you can sort and try and not worry about the other things

RAS

Hi

You need to check with www.entitledto.com as to what help with CTC, WTC and housing you would get as a single parent. You also need to ensure that your OH pays you 15% of his income as maintenance.

sueeve

You say 'if' he moves out. So it is not a sure thing. Have you explored every avenue of talking, counselling, trying to come to a way to put things on a more even keel. While I know that sometimes people have to separate, financially it seems to be seldom anything other than a disaster.

manicmiz

Thank you all for your supportive advice. I do work 4 days a week as a teacher and apparently am entitled to something silly like £6 a week in tax credits as a single parent which is not a great help! I'm in the situation where I earn too much (on paper) to be entitled to help, however with my bills and debts (which are my full responsibility, I know) my disposable income is basically nil or actually negative if my oh were to reduce his contributions! The mortgage is in joint names. I think my husband and I are at the stage where we would need counselling or something to make it work as we both have our own issues (spending money is one way we have dealt with them badly in the past) aside from the problems in our relationship. The trouble is that counselling is so expensive!

NorthernLas

Well the people on this board can help you with money saving, the old style board with cheaper food and the moneysaving in marriages and families for other things.

You may be able to get reduced price counselling even though you have an income that looks good on paper given the debt that you are in.

podperson

Hi manicmiz,

Sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment Think you and hubby need to sit down and talk about whether you feel your marriage is something that can be worked on, ie with something like counselling, or whether it's got to the stage where you both feel you might be better going your separate ways. If you do decide to try counselling try talking to your gp as used to be able to get free or reduced marriage guidance counselling on the nhs - even if this might no longer be available should be able to get individual help which could perhaps improve matters if you both have personal issues that affect the relationship. Also might be worth churches or community centres in the area as they can often offer a counselling service.
If it does come down to it and you decide to split up, get some advice from places like cccs, cab on options available to you. If you won't be able to afford the mortgage and think you might have negative equity then hubby will also be responsible for this, as well as having to pay you maintenance for your child. Speak to your local council to see if they could help with alternative housing and get an idea of what kind of prices you would be paying for a smaller place. Try not to think about the debts too much at the moment, just look into whether you would be ok with the priority bills - if all you can afford to the debts is say £1 a month then they will have to live with it.

Marisco

Hi Mani, I won't presume to say anything about your possible separation, as only you know your situation, just I'm sorry it's come to this. However, on a practical note, yes they will repossess if you cannot pay your mortgage. When my oh separated from his ex wife, she stayed in the house with the 2 kids, oh was paying the mortgage and all the debts, although they were hers. Then the dreaded CSA got involved (on a side note, through experience, stay away from them at all costs, unless oh won't pay anything:mad:) and things took a turn for the (very much) worse!! He was unable to continue paying the mortgage as they demanded too much in maintenance (this was before the changes, so don't know if things are better now) so he had to stop paying the debts as well.

Upshot was, she run up £6000 arrears, (god knows why they let it go for so long) and she got a repossession order. I worked out a plan whereby oh paid a certain amount off the arrears as well as the mortgage, he went to the court and they accepted the plan. Only for the sake of the kids, if it was just her, she could have been kicked out for all we cared:D Anyway, none of the debts got paid, so we started getting DCA letters,and I then did a DMP and sent it to all the creditors, all but 2 accepted, they went to court, sympathetic judge took one look at SOA and awarded them £1 pm!! It did take a long time and hard work to sort it all out, and we are still paying 2 of the largest debts, oh's credit rating is shot to hell, but we don't care!!

If (I say if, 'cos my cup's always half full;)) you do seperate, would oh be able to pay the mortgage, whilst you pay the debts at a reduced rate? That way you could keep the house and negotiate a DMP with your creditors. If your rating is already shot, it won't really matter if you get CCJ's, but at least you'll be paying what you can afford to pay. Sorry to ramble on, my teachers and tutors were always telling me to cut down on my word output;)

Hannah_10

Counsellors often offer a sliding fee scale, the general recieved wisdom in the industry is that if you give someone something for nothing they don't value it (which there is a lot of truth to). Thus in order to have them value the work a counsellor is doing he/she needs to charge. How much he/she charges is up to them however, they will often look realistically at the actual ability of a client to pay and set an apprioriate fee. An appropriate fee would be one not so low a client treats it like a chocolate bar purchase, but not so high it's unattainable. I have regularly seen counsellors/therapists who would usually charge £40 an hour to take £20 or £10.
Remember too that this is one hour week, (between £40 and £160 a month) that could save you not only the home you have but the marriage you used to love so much. Not to mention of course that your son would benefit from any possible improvement in your relationship. You have to decide for yourselves if you value the possibility of reconcilliation enough to explore it, no one can tell you that. If you do not value the possibility of having a positive relationship again that's Ok too, sometimes that's how it is.
A counsellor will not try to keep you together or to break you up. Their role is simply to help you both to find a space in which to express all the things you can't work through between yourselves and to help you to find your own levels, as harmoniously as possible- whatever those levels are.

On a totally different level, you say you're credit rating is shot- if you can tell us a bit about in what way we might be able to offer a few suggestions, there's a lot of finacial talent around here.

Hannah_10

Marisco wrote: »

Sorry to ramble on, my teachers and tutors were always telling me to cut down on my word output;)

And mine Marisco, if Miss sends us to the naughty corner again I dare you ro flip a rubber at Spotty Simpson!

Marisco

:rotfl::rotfl: