Getting married after being together for ages

Blue_Monkey

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 years, I’m 30 and he’s 31. We’ve always talked about getting married, what our wedding would be like, where we want it, who we want there, what kind of outfits etc etc. So whilst I’ve always expected that we’ll get married, I don't think we've really thought much about the marriage itself... And the more we talk about it on a serious note, the more we both seem to get petrified. Having OH as my husband and being his wife is really important to me, and I cannot imagine a life without him ever, but marriage feels really scary all of a sudden.

I wonder if this is because we’ve been together since we were relatively young and at that point marriage seemed so far away and now that we’re older it is more ‘relevant’. I don’t think we would be doing it for the ‘sake of it’ but it feels like a big shift and I guess I’m worried that if we don’t feel ready after 8 years, perhaps we never will (yet I know I want to get married).

Our relationship is great as it is, yet I love the extra level (albeit relatively superficial) of committment marriage provides. I think there is something romantic about it all too.

So I guess my question to you is, did any of you have a ‘wobble’ when you decided to get married after being together for a long time?

magicgirl

hell yeah!! i was adamant that if i wasn't married by the time i was 30, i didn't want to bother!! partly that was due to the fact that i didn't want to spend my life waiting for a proposal but partly cos i felt a little jealous of my friends who married their partners after a few years of being together and started a 'fresh life;' earlt on so to speak. but then he proposed on my 30th and i have to be honest, it threw me a little and i didn't want to say yes but he confessed that he had waited largely to ensure we were financially stabel and looking at it now, we are hardly borrowing any money if at all and we will still be starting on a fresh note. the meaning of the marriage may be slghtly different but it doesn;t mean any LESS. everyone told us to have a quiet wedding given how long we had been together and the fact that we have three children but there are a few elements we considered.

kids wanted me to have same name as them (they asked me - i even considered changing by deed poll. lol)

we wanted to get both families together for some perod of time to celebrate with both together. (sadly, most of h2b's family have said no on account of distance and finance but immediate fmily will be there)

we wanted to 'celebrate our love'. this is teh key to deciding to go for something a bit bigger. its not necesary but we don't get the chance to entertain often and we really wanted to say that our love has grown over the years and we want people to celebrate that with us rather than doing a quiet wedding where it would have felt more like we were doing it for the sake of it after having waited so long. not that it ever is but being the sort of people we are, thats how it would have felt for us. we waited so long to be able to have the wedding of our dreams that we wanted it to be just that. i am 31 (will turn 32 before the wedding) and h2b is 43.

on the one hand, i still feel a bit scared of the change in being Mrs h2b but there is a bit of me that is starting to get a bit more excited now its here. our wedding day will be the 12th anniversary of the day we met. my sister and her hubby got wed last year and they met about a month after me and h2b.

missknixon

We have been together for 6 years so not as long as you. We suddenly started contemplating marriage last year! He proposed after 6 weeks. I feel that we have grown used to each other! We know each other and are happy together. We decided that the next logical step was marriage. My nana even said when we told them that she had not expected it in her life time! We could quite happily keep going with the same life we have but we decided that it would be nice to get married. We also told no-one of our plans until everything was in place as we wanted it to be our day! Quiet and relaxed!

chelbel1981

We get married in October this year and we will have been together 13 years to the day.

I am petrified :eek: I know it's what I want but am very nervous about walking down the aisle, scared nothing will look right on the day. The only thing getting me through is the fact that OH will be by my side all the way through (even if he isn't there in during my prep.) I will join him at the alter to start our 'new' life together.

WE too have children and wanted to wait for them to be old enough to understand what we were doing.

So yes, as much as it's what we both want I am petrified so much so that I am comtemplating going to the doctors to see if there is anything I can do/take to make me feel better. (I actually think it's making me ill, I cannot think or function properly in everyday life since it's getting closer )

sexymouse

My OH and I have been together for 8 years too. We aren't getting married until April, so we'll have been together nearly 9 years by then. One of my friends asked me if I was nervous about getting married, and I guess with all of the planning of the wedding etc, I've not really thought about it. I know that our relationship won't change that much as we've lived together for so long, and are like a married couple in that respect, but I want to start a family and don't want to do that until we're married (to have the same name as the children etc and for the added security). My partner is a lot older than me (I'm 27 and he's 44) so I am a bit nervous about what may happen in the future in terms of his health etc, but then at the end of the day, I'm with the person I love, and worrying about something that hasn't happened yet, isn't productive.

RainbowDrops

We've been together, and most people's ractions whe we announced our engagement were "about time!" :rotfl:

I too have seen plenty of friend get together after us & get married before us, but it doesn't make our wedding any less special, and it certainly isn't an afterthought of us being together for so long (will be 8 years & 2 weeks by the time we get married).

We've always said we wanted to spend our lives together anyway

tamarto

We'll have been together 10 years a few weeks after out wedding, i was 30 this year too, we (read i;)) decided if we didn't do it now we prbably never would, so here we are! We too were waiting untill we could do it 'properly'

vicki+1

me and df are getting married after 13 years on friday, ill be grateful when its all over. i want to be his wife, and nothing will change apart from the bit of paper. But the stress of organising things is more than my brain can manage. And everyone round me getting so enthusiastic, i really don't get it.

grastgirl

We're another couple that's been together 9 years + when the day finally comes around. We've both said at some point that it would have been nice if me saying yes to the proposal was all it took to be married. He hates being the centre of attention and having his photograph taken, I've only recently recovered from social anxiety myself and haven't really been enjoying the planning part of getting married, but I'm sure it will be fine on the day (at elast that's what I keep telling myself).

Although I did manage to put the wrong email address for OH on the invites last week (saved by him being able to get it because no-one else had picked it yet).

Blue_Monkey

Thanks girls.

There have been a few friends getting married this year (or having babies) who seem to have been together for not long at all (probably a few years but where does the time go?!) and I know that everyone expects it of us.

I suppose it kind of dawned on me that we'd always expected to get married, but was that the same thing as wanting to get married? Somehow having a baby together is less scary (I'm not even pregnant), and that is coming from someone who has a real thing about marriage being really important (parents are divorced)...

I too find it a bit odd that other people get so excited about someone else's wedding, and think there is something romantic about running off the two of you to do it; somehow feels more about the marriage than the wedding itself IYKWIM? However, I'd also love to host a big party for our friends and family so if/when he eventually proposes I guess we'll go for something in between.

s23xy_c

I have been with my DF for 8 years now and he proposed in March this year, I never thought it was going to happen and had already settled for things being the way they were. The proposal tok me by complete surprise and now I cant wait to be his wife. By the time we get married we will be together 9 or 10 years depending on when I can find a venure lol. Im hoping its next year and before I turn 30 lol.