Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly

pania

Ok, so, I am in the office on my own, I haven't had a lunch break, so time indeed for my full post me thinks!! So here goes, goodness me where to start! finances, exercise, plans for the future, positive thinking, holiday, hmmmm... lets plunge straight in with holiday and then see where my fingers lead me from there!
It was, Quite simply, fab.
I started with a night away with my father (step, but I hate calling him that) In a town nearby where he grew up. My dad and I haven't always got on, not quite chalk and cheese, more like wensleydale and brie, cut from the same cloth with the same opinions but not very good at sharing them between us. We are both ex uniformed services and admittedly you get very instiitutionalised and set in your way when you are in our particular service (although I am just civilian now) and I think we are just too similar. When I left the force we didnt speak for ages more than just a passing hello, so to have some time away with him meant more to me than words can say. I think it was about 20 years ago we last did something just me and him, no mum and no sister. So anyway, Dad is writing a book on his childhood and part of that was him being born in this town and where his parents grew up. I offered to accompany him as due to his being my step-parent, our differences and other factors, dad and his background have always been an unknown entity to me. I could not have wished it to have gone better. We went for a meal and didnt stop talking once, we then went to the pub and carried on talking, I found out so much about him, why he is how he is, the choices he has made in life and why he was so so angry and upset when I revealed my debt that I now understand a lot more about myself and my relationship with him. The next day we set out on a mission to visit the houses my nan lived in as a girl which were right in the very heart of the beautiful cotswolds. stunning. Finishing off that afternoon by visiting, and having lunch in a pub that his aunt used to own, and he used to stay at as a boy. A real eye opener I have to say and a very special, long to be treasured time.

From there I went up to D's house and we travelled to Edinburgh on the sunday morning. for those who havent been to edinburgh....GO!!!!:T it is an amazing, stunning, old city with such a friendly atmosphere, so unlike visiting london where you are watching your back every few seconds. Tesco vouchers saw us right for two evening meals.:money:We visited mary kings close (fab, google it) Edinburgh castle and did a ghost walk whilst rather tipsy on the Monday night.. Brilliant:D:D I cant wait to get back there and we are thinking of going christmas shopping up there for a day or so in december:D
From there we drove up to skye, not quite so fab, beautiful scenery but no where near as much to do as i had imagined:cool:. I could also tell there was something wrong with D but couldnt get him to tell me what, Ended up in a very big argument with alot of home truths from both sides coming out. we weren't sure we could get back from the brink but we talked it out and has made us both now much more relaxed with each other, happier and dare I say, more in love than before too:A. In getting our relationship back I have had to very rapidly get rid of a very very toxic part of my life, being my insecurity. I had to drop it like a stone as was driving a massive wedge between us that was inadvertently causing D to be uptight and unhappy too. :oI really didnt ever want to cause someone unhappiness.:o At times it has been hard and i've had to take a deep breath and let my insecurity go, but it feels good to be rid of it and in a relationship that for once, I feel secure.
From there we drove alongside loch ness (wow) through inverness, (yeah, alright I guess) and out to aviemore in the cairngorms. where we had a fabulous time!! We started off with a few little tipples in a pub, got rather nissed and spent the whole walk home play fighting and beating each other up!!:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:One thing I love about him, I can act the clown and he joins in (so long as no one is waching:D:D) We went horse riding the next morning which was through some gorgeous forestry. We have both ridden before (I used to showjump la la la get me!!:D) and D a few times previously. He was most miffed when I was given a horse that was ready and raring but his plodded around at a walk with her head between her knees!!!:rotfl:I have to agree he isnt that novice bless! A very very bad storm then pushed us indoors to a jacuzzi, steam room and pool to shelter... its a tough life, someone has to do it i guess!;)
The next morning was the absolute high light of the holiday, we both share a love of all things canine. Purely by chance we discovered the cairngorm sled-dog centre on the road out to cairn gorm itself. We had to be there at 7am!! :eek: due to the temperature and the dogs tendancy to overheat.. but had a kennel tour of 40 dogs, had a brilliant insight into sled dogs, how they are trained, kept, the fact they arent huskies as everyone thinks and loads of other facts besides. We then spent over an hour with 12 dogs being trained towing us around the forest some of which were young dogs that had only been in harness 3 times before.. absolutely amazing!!
Right am going to post this before I am told it is to long!! :eek:

pania

Oh goodness that is a long one and only half of what I intended to write about!! gulp, ok so moving quickly on. With the exception of skiing at manchester that really is theholiday covered. hope i havent bored you all to sleep!!
In financial news, I overspent a wee touch too much!! typical and I think as it was my first holiday in a good few years I'm not beating myself up to much about it i just need to focus now and get on with it and back on the wagon. I am not broke, its just going to be a little tight until the end of the month esp with D's birthday just before payday. BOO! :eek: Will conduct a full financial review this evening when I am home from the gym and post it up here in its full and undignified glory. I believe that I will still pass the month in credit, with no further borrowing which is immense once again It is getting easier, or is it just my perspective which has shifted which has allowed it to get easier? Was i really that self defeating that I would deliberately put myself in a position of hardship, where I would have to borrow again and be even shorter then next month? you know what I think I was. So I shall give myself a wee little :j for overcoming hat and shifting to a more positive mindset.
Now I just need the same for the weight and the gym. that Is SERIOUSLY subject to self sabotage at the moment and the last thing I need to do is transfer my new positive financial mind set to a negative body image mindset. ruins my self esteem and brings back the dreaded insecurity again... I have a stone, maybe more to loose. I need to badger Hypno for weight loss tips be more disciplined again around my exercise, and join the gym for 6 months as paying £4.70 a throw when i want to go every day just doesnt make financial sense. actually i'll just grab my calculator and work that out. 5 days per week @4.70 per day = £94 per month as opposed to £28!! :eek: thats it i'm joining!!!!
It is becoming more and more apparent that our job here will be gone. I really need to look at my new direction, where is it? where do I want to be? what do i want to do? I know I want to be self employed but I need the capital initially and I WILL NOT take a loan and start my company in debt. So I am going to need a job. but what to do? I feel a mind map coming on!!!
So that is it for now, I'm going to make a nice cuppa and crack on with some work, save getting fired!!! Chat you all later. xx

hypno06

Is that all :rotfl:

REDMADCURLS

Yeah Pancake, you forgot to tell us what you ate at each meal!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously sounds like a momentous holiday...............lots of great memories and a corner turned with D - excellent.

pania

nope not all h thought i'd better truncate it slightly!! :rotfl: and as for you cupcake... cheeky cow.

missymoo81

hi pania, I have just read your two huuuuuuge posts, need to catch up on your thread, but I'm so glad things are going well in your family life for you. It's nice when you manage to get rid of that wedge that drives you and a loved one apart.

As for the exercise and diet, I think I need to jump on the band wagon all I seem to do at the moment is eat rubbish!

Well done again for sorting things with your dad must be a weight off your mind.

REDMADCURLS

Morning Pancake!!!

Have a fun loving Thursday xx

pania

morning you!!! and a happy thursday to you to! xxx

Missy thanks for the post, yep it sure is a weight off my mind and taught me a lot about myself too, feels much better both with D and with my dad. hope things are going well for you too.
Well I have just woken up after a long gym sesh yesterday evening and i ache like crazy!!! from my shoulders all the way down my back and into my hamstrings, a feel a good long streeeeetch coming on!!
Went shopping in asda on way back last night, wasnt overly impressed I have to say with their prices. everything seemed to be fixed at a pound!! got some good deals on some nice healthy wholesome food though so all is good there. I'm going to sit down and work out a training plan today to start to get me ready for my bigger events next year. also need to majorly start planning the london to paris trip. Yikes!!!
Well in financial news I have looked and boy is it going to be tight for the rest of the month, problems with having fun I guess!! I have some dog sitting this weekend that D is going to join me for, that should also net me about £45 so thats a wee billy bonus but I want to try to save that if i can. I have £26 in the loose change pot that may come in mighty handy and approx £240 in the bank of which £140 is mine to use, the rest I need to keep back for D's birthday and emergency funds.
I may also do a wee little bit of matched betting to see if I can top the old savings up a bit, a way off my 5k target at the mo!! also going to speak with mum and borrow her sewing machine for a bit that will save me some pennies for a while.
plans plans plans... its all good

redsquirrel80

Hey, holiday sounds good - and like it has caused big (good) changes. Would definitely recommend Edinburgh when the Christmas market is on - the outdoor ice skating etc.. and mulled wine (possibly after skating rather than before!)

Good luck with the training plan!

taxi73

Sounds like the holiday was good and that you've rediscovered a bit of you.