Desperate

dancingfairy

Another one dropping in to say hi :hello: . Actually Nationwide and Virgin may have done you a favour there - you will find many , many people on here who are determined to get debt free , got a cheap credit card so they could get on top of their debts, then felt richer, ran up more debts, got another low interest rate credit card, and so it continued - some even secured the debts on their homes. Some people have been through this cycle 3 or more times, so maybe, just maybe they have done you a favour. A pain though I know.
They also would not look at say offering you 10k (or whatever) and you using it to pay off your debts - they would be well she owes all this money already, if we give her another 10k that's going to be a worse mess she's in.
With regards to loosing your job - you don't get sacked for being in debt, no-one is suggesting bankruptcy or anything like that so please don't worry - easier said than done -I know.
We just need to come up with another plan of attack for you - do not be defeated by one small setback.
df

dancingfairy

I also wanted to say that your OH sounds a bit like he's burying his head in the sand, perhaps he's feeling guilty he can't help you as much as he would want to? no doubt also that things were spent for the family as well? perhaps he is worried in his own way?
This is not to make you worry any more but hopefully you can set a good example to him, and slowly turn things around. You have already identified a good area to start with -food, an area many struggle on. No doubt you will find many areas when doing your SOA you could cut down - paying too much for gas/electric? high mobile bills that could be cut? insurances for things you don't even have any more? magazine subscriptions etc etc.
This may or may not be enough on it's own to get you back on the right road and you may need to consider a debt management plan (dmp) through one of the debt charities (NEVER EVER A FEE CHARGING COMPANY) but until you've done your SOA we can't say.
Doing you SOA will be useful to you if you wish to contact a debt charity as they will need to know your figures to go though your options with you.
df

Smilerwoman

Hi UnhappyDebts,

I'm relatively new to this too, but I've been working really hard to stay afloat and I've listened to the advice of some of the more experienced MSE-ers, so hopefully what I'm about to say will be of some use. I've done this in order of what I think is most important - if I'm wrong, I hope someone will correct me.

1)The first thing you need to keep abreast of is your health. I've never had PND, but I have had a very deep and very dark depression. It changes your life. I really hope that you are doing ok, because it is tough. Please go and see a health professional to make sure that you are ok, because to me, that's the most important thing. Secondly, I did an online CBT course and that helped me a little bit. It's totally free, run by an Australian site called Moodgym. It's a little bit cheesey, but it really really did help me, after I sought help, and it's the thing that keeps me going every day. When I feel I'm on the edge of an abyss, I go there.

2)Do your SOA. It's really helpful to know where your money is at - how much, if any, is spare and to see what you spend your money on.

3)As someone said above, think about your spending habits. Is there anything in there that is surplus? Or can you identify an alternative? Eg for me, it's lunch at work. Solution: make my lunch at home.

4) Sit down with your OH. His head might be in the sand, but you need his support. I'd lay it straight on the line. Tell him where you are at and ask for his support. Even if it doesn't change his habits immediately, he needs to know how you feel.

5) Have a cup of tea and a deep breath. This is FIXABLE.

I'm sure I've left something out, and if I have, I hope someone will be along in a mo to correct me. But solidarity is such a wonderful thing, and if you need us, we're here

unhappydebts

Ok, after having what I thought was a fairly positive week in terms of feeling a little more reassured I seemed to have spiralled back into a circle of "doom and gloom"....

I asked hubby to up my housekeeping by £150, all of which is going on my credit cards, so I am now paying more than the minimum payment, I reduced our weekly shopping this week by £40 and I scoured and scoured websites buying super cheap winter clothes in the sale for my wee one...not much but it is a start....

However, had a dip yesterday and have gone into freefall panic.... Our mortgage is a five year fixed rate, of which we are 2 years in...I suddenly started thinking, what if, we dont get to renew our mortgage in three years time because of my credit cards? We have never missed our payments and I have never missed a credit card payment (except one that was late when I was in the depths of my pnd) - can they do that? Is that likely?

Have now gone back to thinking we are going to lose our home and it will all be my fault, thus I have let my family down again...its all very well that we have a lovely home and lo has lovely stuff but it wont be lovely if we lose it all....total freefall panic....

Is this normal? Is this what happens when you have your "lightbulb" moment? Days of being in control and days of sheer and utter terror?

dktreesea

Paying just the minimum off your cards is not a good idea with the banks when it comes to getting other cards. We were recently rate jacked on one of our cards, from 13.9% to a whopping 27.9% over the space of 9 months. When I contacted the bank to enquire why, they said firstly because they can (too true). A letter and a few phone calls later, thanks to another MSE poster, who put me in contact with a section that was quite useful, and it turns out if you only pay off the minimum each month, it looks like you "can't really afford the card".

We were in the same position as you, with several thousand pounds stashed away as rainy day money. It was a bit of a hassle to get it out (premium bonds) - not procedurally but I had to wait several days to get my mitts on the money - but I really enjoyed paying off the card. Around £9K's worth. £180 a month in interest, and who knows where they could have jacked the rate up to if I had just left it alone. It seems the sky is the limit these days. Plus now we have £220 a month that is no longer being drawn down from our account. It's like getting a huge payrise :-) Sure, we don't have much of that rainy day money left right now (a paltry £100!), but the £220 we save each month will soon build it up a bit, and at least now it's all ours instead of most of it going to the bank.

I know you are worried about your jobs, being in the public sector, but in the worst case scenario, if you both lost your jobs and couldn't get new ones, wouldn't the government pay the interest on your mortgage after 13 weeks, once your savings/ISAs get below £16K?

RAS

unhappydebts wrote: »

Am working on my statement of affairs, think can see areas myself we can cut down, we currently spend nearly £500 on food a month which mortified me! That's awful!

So you know that there is some slack in the system. Once you start to get the payments above the minimum, you will see the total start to drop.

Do you SOA, but also go over to the Old Style Money Saving forum and look at some of the ideas there.

You could do a store cupboard challenge, which would mean a one month boost to your payments and start you in the right direction.

unhappydebts

Rate jacking!? I didn't even know what that was until ten minutes ago!! Are they likely to do that?!

I intended to put my extra housekeeping on my cards ( all of which are cut up!!) and if I save £40 every week on the shopping that's between £160 and £200 a month more which I can also put on my cards....but what is the point if they just going to keep hiking up my debt!?

Not sure how much more I cam cope. What have I done? What was I thinking!!!!

RAS

Whoa, whoa.

If they try to increase the rate on your cards, you can demand that they revert to your old rate, as long as you do not spend any more on your card. So you can halt any increase.

RAS

unhappydebts wrote: »

However, had a dip yesterday and have gone into freefall panic.... Our mortgage is a five year fixed rate, of which we are 2 years in...I suddenly started thinking, what if, we dont get to renew our mortgage in three years time because of my credit cards? We have never missed our payments and I have never missed a credit card payment (except one that was late when I was in the depths of my pnd) - can they do that? Is that likely?

Have now gone back to thinking we are going to lose our home and it will all be my fault, thus I have let my family down again...its all very well that we have a lovely home and lo has lovely stuff but it wont be lovely if we lose it all....total freefall panic....

Is this normal? Is this what happens when you have your "lightbulb" moment? Days of being in control and days of sheer and utter terror?

You are catastrophising.

First off, you have no idea what is going to happen in three years time, nor has anyone else.

Second off, you could get a small win on the lotto, get left a bit by a distant cousin, all sort.

You have to take one day at a time.

unhappydebts

Its all so useless

My last credit card bill jus came in - the minimum paymets are £100 higher than they were last month. SO all my efforts to budget ar just going to be wasted...

Am sitting here sobbing. I feel sick. I pay minimum payments of £320 a month....what a hideous hideous waste of money and they arent even going to reduce the debt...

I dont know what to do. I have let everyone down.
Its a vicious vicious circle - debt...pnd...dbt..pnd

I dont knwo what to do