Desperate

elantan

Stop that also we all feel things differently as well ( one of the curses of being human) some people come on here desperate and owe a couple of hundred ... Others owe tens of thousands and ain't even slightly stressed .... You felt desperate ( and may still do sometimes it's natural honest) but one thing is for certain if u want to you will fix it

gallygirl

unhappydebts wrote: »

"you stupid cow"

You are the only one who will call yourself that hon, we just think 'been there, know what you're going through, have a (dodgy) hug :grouphug:'.

Nothing else to add as all the advice has been given. Good luck, we're all rooting for you :T

taxi73

please can you not just tell your husband the total amount you owe as he already knows about most of your debt...this seems to be your biggest fear and your husband sounds understanding and reassuring over the debt anyway.If you tell him it will be a huge relief for you.
Iagree with the others re doing a SOA and spending diary...as that will let you see where you are up to.

savingholmes

unhappydebts wrote: »

I also wanted to say, that reading some other threads, I do do realise that perhaps my "desperation" is self indulgent and for that I am really sorry...

hi you are not self-indulgent. You have to feel strongly enough about your debt to be willing to do something about it... Use that desperation to fuel your efforts to get debt free.

I would tell your OH the real picture of the debt level. OH and I have always shared all our financial info we open each others bills and have no secrets. We see it as safer that way. It also meant when I was doing really badly with PND OH still made sure minimum payments were met.

Good luck

climbintheladderouttadebt

Hi unhappydebts,

When my dd was 1 I suffered badly, probably PND but my doctor didn't diagnose it. After a few months, I was very ill, one symptom/side effect was taking credit out all over the shop! I used shopping catalogues for clothes, furniture, toys, credit cards for takeaways, food shopping etc. and ended up over £12,000 in debt. I felt AWFUL for what I put my lil one through and could still cry at the thought of it these days (she is 3 now).
BUT after joining MSE last year, I have reduced my debts by more than 50%! The feeling I have from achieving this and overcoming all the bad feelings I had is phenomenal. I just want to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel and everyone here is right behind you and willing to help and support you.
Please go back to your doctor just to check you are getting the support you really need from them. I'm sure your OH will help you deal with things too. He sounds very supportive. Once your SOA is up (please ask for a link/explanation if you need it) the good people of MSE will help further.
Big hugs to you!

barbiedoll

Please don't feel embarassed or ashamed by your PND or by your debt. PND is an illness just the same as any other. You should share your concerns with your husband, he sounds supportive and he is clearly concerned for your welfare. The debt problem is easily managed, the 0% credit cards are a good idea as long as you are going to cut them up as you said. A lot of people who suffer depression, post-natal or otherwise, do spend to make themselves feel better, you are not alone in having done this. You will get plenty of good advice and support on here, well done for posting, that's often the hardest part. Most of us on here have grappled with the same feelings as you, shame and embarassment are par for the course when you're in debt, but at least it has brought us all together on here and that can only be a good thing

As one of the other posters said, make sure that you are getting the support you need from your GP, if not, then change to one who will help you. There are lots of PND support groups on the internet and there is always a sympathetic ear at DFW. Good luck, don't lose heart and let us know how you get on.

lucielle

Hi there, you have taken the biggest step by acknowledging your debts. That is the scariest part. You are with your OH and have made a partnership/team would he not want to be part of the process of making a fresh start together? Like the others have posted you do need to sit down and write down your income and expenditure (SOA) so you know where to make the cutbacks. Good luck and you can do this.
L

Butti

Can you get the SOA sorted so you have an accurate picture of what is owed on which cards at what rates AND what you can afford to pay off. Once you have done this, arm yourself with it and tell your husband that you would like to pay off some of your debt with your savings. You can explain your debt to him by relating it to your PND and your feelings of guilt.

You could try to calm yourself down by looking at how realistic your fears are in relation to your jobs. I lost my public sector job in March and my ex-boss (who had stitched me up to some extent) is now losing his. BUT we were on fixed term contracts delivering regeneration projects funded by a Regional Development Agency (also being cut). If you work in revenues, housing, planning, basically all the essentials, cutting will be much more difficult and much more measured.

I know George Osbourne is currently painting a picture of hell and damnation BUT no government has ever managed to cut what they define as 'waste' to the extent they planned to.

I would suggest you leave yourselves a small cushion (for your blood pressure and general sanity) of maybe £2000. Sit and work out roughly what you would get un-taxed in any redundancy package. Have a look on your employer's website / intranet. It usually works out at about 1 weeks untaxed pay per year you have worked for them. 1.5 weeks for every year over the age of 41.

So for example I had about £13k in debts not so long ago. I'd worked for various councils since 1994. My redundancy added to my final pay cheque came out just short of £20k. I used about £6k to pay off most of my debts. It's all getting a bit tight now but I'm off to study in September for a year to allow me to change career.

....and I'd recommend you stop watching the news, its so depressing.

B x

unhappydebts

Well I just heard from nationwide and virgin, who I applied for 0% cards with, and I am not getting either of them! Gutted as was relying on them when I realised that my minimum payments were basically paying the interest of one card (which made me feel sick when I saw it in black and White). My husband says that hardly anyone is getting credit cards these days. But it has still left me feeling a bit "rejected" or a "bad bet", I always thought my credit rating was good...so again with the shame...

I have (in a temper) cut up my last remaining card so I now have no cards and I have told husband this. He said he didn't want to know how high my accounts were as as soon as his business brings in money we are paying them all off, and as long as I was defo paying the minimu
then he wasn't worried at the moment...so I tried...

Am working on my statement of affairs, think can see areas myself we can cut down, we currently spend nearly £500 on food a month which mortified me! That's awful!

Still feeling super sick about it, but less so. I think.

sueeve

It's actually quite helpful for you to discover how much goes on food, because there is such a lot you can do about it from today. If you have any till receipts from the last month try looking at them again and marking anything you think you can reduce on with a different brand, or cut out altogether. Plan meals and buy with a shopping list written out in advance. Use everything, don't throw away.