sorry, need to vent

missknixon

We have deliberately told everyone that everything is already planned to stop my MiL to be from getting involved! This is our wedding and this is how we are doing it!

You need to take charge, you only get one chance (hopefully) you need to make it your's. Explain to her how you are feeling - maybe write it down it can sometimes make it easier. Good Luck x

frannyann

She is your Mum, so knows exactly what buttons to press to upset you!! Regardless of cultural background no-one should reduce another person to tears to get their own way. Chin up, straighten back and stand your ground. You need to do this now and make it clear you are an adult who will make her own decisions. Get these lines drawn before you have kids and she tells you how to raise them too. x

pinky2010

The best piece of advice i can give you was stolen from some one else who shared it with me. Write her a letter telling her that you woluld really like her to be a part of your big day and how important it is to you and that you would be really pleased if she could do x y z, to keep her busy if you need to but that you will be orgnaising the ceremony and the rest of the day. (you dont need to justify why to her or anyone else)

then just end with I hope we work together to make this the happiest day of my life, I am here for you if you need me. (or something) so that you let her know the ball is now in her court and then do not back track on anything. Stand firm. Better to fall out now then end up having a wedding you dont want with the man you love.

Take care. x

McKneff

Except she won't let me

What ? Youre a grown woman, fgs.

Caroline73_2

Why wouldn't your OH get involved?

aliasojo

justengaged wrote: »

I don't really see what I've done wrong as we've just bowed to her every wish.

It's in that very sentence what you've done wrong, pet. You've bowed to her every wish.

She's like a spoilt child in that she is so used to just sorting things how she likes, that she simply can't cope well with other people having any input.

Yes, Mother's do generally have their child's best interests at heart and yes, Mother's should be respected BUT Mother's are not some angelic being from above who never do wrong. Sometimes their behaviour needs to be curbed just like everyone else's.

You have no option here. The ONLY way to change this situation is to be firm with her. Of course she will kick off and you will feel bad, but it's just part of the process you have to go through. You really need to be strong with her.

tamarto

floss2 wrote: »

OP, did your mum arrange her own wedding, or was it done for her by HER mum?

I have to admit to feeling a bit sad with all the conversations about how helpful or not your parents are being - my parents are no longer with us, and I would put up with any interference from my mum or dad to have them here with me when we marry.

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puffinmuffin

Can i ask if it's normal in your culture for parents to organise the wedding?

floss2

tamarto wrote: »

................................

Was there something you wanted to say?

tamarto

floss2 wrote: »

Was there something you wanted to say?

Well as i edited, clearly there is not.