lazy oh's

Bambywamby

Paying off another's debts doesn't teach responsbility - but being supportive and helpful will encourage the debtor to pay off the debt themselves. They make think twice before getting into financial trouble again.

never_again_2

My OH and I had been together since I was 15 and he was 17 so all our debt has been accrued since we have been together, some of it was even on our wedding (but only taken out in my name). All of the debt we have is sole, but we do consider it joint. I don't think of it as his and mine, I consider it as ours and he is the same. We have a joint account; wages go in, everything gets paid and we do what we want with the rest (usually not a lot!) Our quality of life is so poor at the moment that that is a big enough incentive to never get into debt again. In my signature I have included everything we owe together - the NatWest CC and A&L loan are actually my OHs, not mine.
I would be quite hurt if when his commitments are finished next year, he said "right, your debt to pay, you're on you own - learn your lesson".

Welshlassie

I was in debt when DH proposed (in debt for the second time) he didn't know about it when he proposed, but telling him was enough to make me feel so bad there was/is no way I'd get myself in that position again. The agreement was we didn't get married until I had paid it all off. He wasn't going to help at all. It was about £5,000 on CC, it took me about 8 months to pay it off, I then used what I was putting towards the debt to pay towards our wedding, therefore our wedding although cost about £8/9k was completely paid for before we got married.

I definately think it is the responsibility of the person who got into debt to get themselves out of it. It made me much more responsibile having to face up to it by myself. He now trusts me enough to look after all the money for the household and I do it very well if I do say so myself.

joey-lou

I think it depends on what type of relationship you have in the first place and if your oh is genuine/sorry and trying to do something about it.If they are prepared to face up to and repay the debt then I would do anything reasonably to help them out.If not then they are on their own because they will just do it again. Its difficullt if you really love someone you never want to see them suffer but you have to look after yourself as well

Nytehawk

yung wrote:

been married for 30 yrs, always had a joint account where my salary (now pension) goes in , we both have seperate account too I have always manage all the finance that is why I am where I am now. debt free, retired, stress free and happy

:T I am with you 100% on this one. I think that its a generation thing, we always had to help and trust each other.................... Nothings changed. The only thing thats his or hers is the bath towels and tooth brushes

duncans-mum_2

I agree with all the different strategies as stated on the above posts, just depends what works for each individual. There is one thing I think we should remember. A lot of us on have come on here and had our "Lightbulb Moment" And by their own admission some ( not all), myself included have got into debt because of a frivoulous lifestyle, not realising the consequences. I want, I'll put it on the credit card etc etc. Everyone seems to reach their lightbulb moment at different times of their debt. ie some at £6 k , some at £60K. Just because one half of a relationship has a LBM, doesn't automatically mean the OH is going to also. In some circumstances it may not mean they are necessarily lazy, they may just not have reached theirs yet. Each relationship/circumstance is different and what works for one couple may not work for another.