Joint finances

Jet

Partner and I have recently moved in together.

I earn about 65% of his income including child benefit and a small amount of maintenance. I have one child who lives with us full time and I provide everything for him and he has four children who live with us 2 days per week and he pays CSA 2 maintenance, half of everything else for them as well as providing a full set of clothes and toys, games etc for our house.

Our thoughts are to set up a joint account for the household bills / household goods and food which is straightforward enough and pay half each. We keep our own accounts for paying for things for our own kids or our own clothes.

However, what do we do about things like days out (as a couple or with the kids), family holidays, cars (he has a big, expensive car, I have a small one, but this may change in the future. Do we split the cost of these 50%?

Fang_3

You do what works for you. If you're in a erious relationship then surely it should come from joint money. But if not then as a couple you should split it 50/50, and as a family you pay for your child and him for his. However you should remember that he is effectively subsidizing your child. Did you not discuss this with each other before moving in together?

mikey72

How long do you intend to stay together, as it sounds like you intend to leave with what you went into it with?

Julieg

"he is effectively subsidizing your child"

Am I missing something but wouldn't it be the other way around as food for 1 child 7 days a week would be less than food for 4 children 2 days a week as they're splitting the food bill 50/50

1 child = 7 days worth of food (1x7)
4 children = 8 days worth of food (4 x 2)

Jet

I should point out that after partner pays CSA, our remaining net incomes our both fairly similar. I have plenty of income to support my child with a fair bit left over. Then obviously, we have 5 children to buy clothes, food and holidays etc. for.

C_Mababejive

I would suggest that you operate a joint account for core household expenditure i,e rates,mortgage,bills,food etc. Into this you both pay an equal or proportional amount.

You would need to do the maths to find out how much your monthly core outgoings would be.

Cars..pay your own car out of your own pocket.

Holidays...arrange joint payment as and when you plan..

Fang_3

Julieg wrote: »

"he is effectively subsidizing your child"

Am I missing something but wouldn't it be the other way around as food for 1 child 7 days a week would be less than food for 4 children 2 days a week as they're splitting the food bill 50/50

1 child = 7 days worth of food (1x7)
4 children = 8 days worth of food (4 x 2)

You know it's so much cheaper to cook for a larger family comparatively. I mean about the house. He is paying for half the household expenses and her child lives in that house. Presumably she couldn't afford that house alone.

As I said before though, you really have to go on what works for you because you have all the details and we don't.

C_Mababejive

Fang wrote: »

You do what works for you. If you're in a erious relationship then surely it should come from joint money. But if not then as a couple you should split it 50/50, and as a family you pay for your child and him for his. However you should remember that he is effectively subsidizing your child. Did you not discuss this with each other before moving in together?

"Subsidising your child"....Hmm well thats a difficult one.

I think some (many?) men harbour secret resentments about earning money which is spent on someone elses child. This is even worse if the missing father is some dumpster dad who doesnt pay maintenance.

But then, if you get with some woman who has a child/children already,then you just have to negotiate that/deal with it. I am guessing the woman wouldnt be too happy if you told her you resented subsidising her child. If its an issue,dont get with a woman who has children or at least,dont live under the same roof as her.

Julieg

Fang wrote: »

I mean about the house. He is paying for half the household expenses and her child lives in that house..

His children also live in the house and, I believe, she's paying 50% of the expenses of the house.

Jet

Yes, his children live here 2 nights a week (more in the holidays) but as we are the two adults who both work, I don't have a problem paying for half the household bills. I could not afford the house on my own but then I would have no desire to live there if I was on my own anyway. The only reason we are there is for OH's work (he has to live at work) and because we have 5 children between us.

At the moment we are just paying for things from our own accounts as and when things crop up or whatever is easiest at the time and we plan to set up a joint account. Things have been very hectic and it's simply a job that we haven't got around to yet. OH is happy for me to do "whatever" with the joint money as he knows I am the "sensible" one when it comes to money.

I think I will set up a joint account and pay half the bill money in each, run our own cars from our own accounts at the moment, and I think put in a proportional amount for our days out as a couple.

I think it would then be a good idea to have a joint savings account to save for a family holiday and we could save proportionately into this. A holiday abroad is something I know he would like to do now we have a higher household income, but something he hasn't managed up to now.

His child maintenance can be paid from his account along with clothes, uniforms, mobiles and school trips etc as well as personal spending from his own account.

I can pay for school bus fares, childcare, clothes, uniforms and school trips, mobile for my son from my own account.

That way, I don't see how either of us can feel either is subsidising the others children. We could get very detailed and start questionning who uses the phone more, eats the most food or watches what on sky etc. but I think this keeps it reasonably fair and simple.

donnaessex

We pay everything into one central pot now but before we used to budget a years costs of things like birthdays, holidays, car insurance etc and divide by 12 and put that amount into a seperate savings account, and then put the monthly outgoings like gas, rent etc into another current account to cover all bills.

The rest of our money was to do with as we pleased.