It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

ceridwen

Primrose wrote: »

Ceridwen talks a lot of sense here. I think many of us started off our adult lives in the hope/expectation that everything would go according to our plans and that any inevitable hiccups along the way would be small one that we would be able to take in our stride.
And what a shock it is, no matter what kind of job you are doing, when suddenly you're called into an office somewhere out of the blue and told your job no longer exists and that you are OUT. It isn't just about the money although that, of course, is important. It's about your self respect, your identity and the sudden realisation that when you thought you'd got your life under control, actually nothing was further from the truth It's pointless envying other people for their material possessions, their jobs or the amount of money they have in the bank, because they too are just as likely to be a life victim of another mishap such as serious illness, bereavement, divorce or other misfortune.
So all we can do is plan prudently for the future as far as is within our power and try to avoid envying others too much for fear that we lose sight of the good things in our life that we perhaps sometimes take forgranted.

Thanks for that...agree with every word of that:T

I think another point that strikes me about Life is JUST how long many bad situations can carry on for...:(. I think another thing one takes for granted when young (well...most of us I guess) is that any problem can be solved - if one just tries hard enough. That is the other thing that I see now - that some problems DO take literally years before they "go away" and one can get on with Life. There's also other problems that are even worse and never ever will go away - they are there until "curtain call at the end" for the person concerned no matter what they/you do to try and get them sorted out. That is a real bummer - and something that can happen to anyone. One of my relatives who is <cough>: RATHER rich and yet had to deal with their spouse having a severe illness - that in the end killed them. They could get the best medical care going - and it didnt work. One never knows what goes on behind closed doors sometimes...

My best friend, on the other hand, is as poor as the proverbial church mouse and she has had health problems ever since I've known her and they just keep getting worse. I'm well aware how much she just plain "doesnt deserve them" - because she has never ever spoken a bad word of anyone and always helps everyone else and puts them first - but her undoubtedly sweet nature hasnt prevented her having all these health problems.

penelopedee_2

mardatha wrote: »

Life is an adventure - you never know what's round the corner. Try and take it like that , and see that if a door closes then it is for a reason. Just maybe the reason isn't clear as yet but one day it will be. And things usually turn out for the best in the end !

Mardatha, its taken me years to get round to this way of thinking. I spent so long worrying and trying to control things and stressing myself out until the penny dropped.

I don't think our media help and often appear to over dramatise some things so much that we forget how to 'keep calm and carry on' and just deal with things as they come. I'm all for being as prepared as possible though but without the need for panicing (if that makes sense).

Primrose

Somebody once said to me. "If you were all sitting round in a circle and everybody had to put their life problems into a brown paper bag and throw it into the middle of the circle, which brown bag would you retrieve? Yours or somebody else's? It's a thought provoking question because sometimes we're able to develop a way of dealing with our own problems, however bad, whereas somebody else's particular difficulties might completely overwhelm us.

taplady

Rummer - so sorry your DH didn't get the job x x x x

Northwest - I'm still using my Morrisons tokens from the Sun too, am off tomorrow, plus we didn't buy the paper to get them as DH gets a free one from work:)

Lindy_-_Loo

have done my first asda on line shop - dont like the layout but that maybe cos im so used to tesco online. Didnt get everything on list as netto and farmfoods cheaper but did save £10 and got free delivery thanks to the discount thread and martins email! (M3 TN YA F4) (M3 AN EV FD)

Ds2 ben 10 school shoes fit from netto, one pair down, one to go!

calleyw

ceridwen wrote: »

I really do hope that people from all walks of life and all (past) income levels will feel free to come on this thread and get support and sympathy.

I would say it doubtful that anyone who was earning 250K + and have lost a portion of there income would be here after advice. But do agree everyone is is welcome.

And the thread running on mumsnet mentioned in the article has already had a bashing on one of the forums here. I think the thread was called are we secretly poor. And a lot of them where a lot more vocal than I was.

Why do you think I am jealous? Of what? a lifestyle that I personally would hate. I can't really be jealous of something I never knew I would have. I just hoped to earn enough to buy a house, a run a car and a have few luxuries here and there. And never thought I would earn over 20K and I am right I never have.

It is all about getting the balance right. And even before my husbands stroke we based our mortgage and living expenses on one income. So if any did happen we could get by and it was lucky we did.

To me poor is when you can't afford to eat or even turn the heating on. The reason I said about waking up and smelling the coffee is that they have often have other streams of income and assets as some of them did such as BTL's.

Where a lot of people such as many on this forum don't choose to be OS they have no choice so to keep a roof over there head and food in their bellies. And have not be able save money or afford the insurances/policies as they don't have the money to do so.

No one is safe no matter what job you do. So to believe that your income can only rise or always be there seems to just a tad arrogant.

Yours

Calley

Charis

ceridwen wrote: »

That is the other thing that I see now - that some problems DO take literally years before they "go away" and one can get on with Life. There's also other problems that are even worse and never ever will go away - they are there until "curtain call at the end" for the person concerned no matter what they/you do to try and get them sorted out.

That came home to me abruptly in March this year when my eldest phoned to tell me his father had died after a serious illness. He died at home with just my son and his girlfriend present. My son said that right up until his last days he had been fretting about this and that, including his finances. In the hours following his death my son was sitting with him waiting for the undertaker and he said 'Mum, he never stopped worrying, not for a moment. Now he's gone the fire's still burning the gas, the lights are still burning the electricity, the bills are still racking up. If only he'd taken the time to enjoy himself now and again, and stopped worrying, even for one day.'

But he never did. The sad thing is that for all his worrying he never did anything practical to solve his problems. Worry became a kind of superstition to him as if it, in itself would effect a change. It didn't.

katiegizmo

ceridwen wrote: »

Belated congratulations on the job:D:T

Guess O.H. is in "Me = provider" mode - hence buying stuff promptly to get your joint "cave" together:rotfl: - understandable...and commendable in some ways - ie that he wants to make sure its a nice home for you both:)

Errr.....can I sound a very slight note of caution - re those blackberries - ummmm.;....<cough> in law in Britain its the case that anything in a neighbours garden that is hanging over into ones own garden CAN be cut by you (because its "invading your space") BUT one has to offer to give it back to the owner. I know...I know....but I thought I better just mention it - so that you have the chance to ask the neighbour if they want the cuttings back (with the blackberries on). Hopefully they'll say "Thats okay - don't bother - if you want to get rid of them thats okay by me" and then you're "in the clear" and its blackberries for dinner okay:D

oooh really?? hmmmm. they blank us, have done since we have moved in to the point of turning away when they see us. We haven't done anything and I've tried to say hello. Thought they might have felt intimidated as we are younger but once my mum was here to check the house while we were away and she tried to talk to the lady and she walked into her house and shut the door without a word!! So dont think I'll be asking.... maybe I'll just be really careful!!! We've cut it back before with no probs so would be petty to have a problem now there's berries there!

katiegizmo

Rummer wrote: »

Fabulous news Katiegizmo that must be a huge weight off your mind! I am very happy for you both!!!

Sadly we did not get good news and my OH was not successful at his interview. So tired of trying to keep positive.

ahhh Rummer I'm sorry! But do stay positive, though it's hard! If you do feel negativve, try to let it out - we can't all be positive all the time, we're only human.

Mine had 17 interviews in 4 weeks, plus job center appointments and agency registrations... he was very stressed by it all but he found something in the end!!

Just think of every interview that doesnt go well as a step to the one that does. I'll cross my fingers for his next one xx

The_Thrilla

ceridwen wrote: »

Please please everyone don't let the "Green Eyed Monster (aka jealousy)" creep in at the back door here - most of us (including me) never did get the life we expected/hoped for - but when we are young (leastways in my generation - and I presume in the next one on from us Baby Boomers) one really DOES think "Any minute now..and things will come right" and really doesnt expect to come a cropper on the job front. Hence - most people do buy the house/get the lifestyle they know they can afford at the time. It happens at all income levels - and people now come a cropper on their hopes and plans from all income levels.

I really do hope that people from all walks of life and all (past) income levels will feel free to come on this thread and get support and sympathy.

I don't think it is jealousy, Ceridwen. What have I got to be jealous of? Certainly not their education. I should think that the education I received was better than most of theirs. I have lived in Suburbia, and found that most of the people living there were superficial, and, if all they have to worry about is a neighbour's cat sh1tting in their flower beds, or the neighbour's dandelion clocks blowing onto their lawns.... I prefer living in my current working class area, where people have their feet on the ground.

Rather than jealousy, it is satisfaction. The people who are mentioned in the article quoted by Charis are the people no one likes but themselves. Why should anyone envy them? These are all the brown-nosers, suck-ups and glad-handers that no one else likes. They have followed their careers, borrow money like it were a cup of sugar, and now that their actions have caused "the credit crunch", which they blame for their woes, we are supposed to feel sorry for them. They made their beds, let them lie in them. These are the people who have caused the bubble in the housing market. If they are suffering negative equity, then they have got their just deserts. These are the people who draw out their savings or borrow money to buy shares when the FTSE 100 has never been higher. If the FTSE 100 is at a record high, there is only one way it will go; and when it does, they get a close haircut; and we all know about it because of their thunderous bellyaching.

Even the so-called middle classes have their share of ne'erdowells and stone cold losers. And these are they. These are the people who would only have the likes of me in their houses because of my accent. If they knew where I lived, they wouldn't.

There's a Jeff Lynne song that goes:

Down, down, you can see them all
Rising gaily to the top
Keep on rising, babe; you know you got a long drop
You better cling cos it's the done thing

These are the folk whom Jeff Lynne was writing about.

I have had disasters in my life, too. But, in nearly every case, I had taken some kind of precaution, which cushioned the blow. So don't expect me to feel sorry for these people, Ceridwen. They are getting their comeuppance.