Memory? What memory was that then?

Errata

I think most Mental Health Trusts have a memory clinic nowadays. Of course, the difficulty is the person or their nearest and dearest recognising that something has gone a bit haywire, talking to their GP about it and being referred.
There is a good DIY test for memory loss somewhere on the net and I can't remember what it's called (ahem). I'll try and track it down but nb everyone - there are also plenty of rubbish ones.

Savvy_Sue

Having just got back from a weekend with the in-laws, I'd just say that if your nearest and dearest think there's a problem, it could be worth putting your own fears aside and getting it checked out.

FIL is in denial with the doctors, although he'll admit to MIL that he doesn't remember things. I'm just hoping that by being 'on the radar', if / when she needs help it won't take too long to get it. And I really hope that she stays fit and well because he will fall apart without her!

downshifter

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

FIL is in denial with the doctors, although he'll admit to MIL that he doesn't remember things. I'm just hoping that by being 'on the radar', if / when she needs help it won't take too long to get it. And I really hope that she stays fit and well because he will fall apart without her!

That is such good advice, but so difficult in practice. A friend of my mothers is 88 and enjoys driving long distances (eg Exeter to Glasgow etc) - I'm sure lots of 88 yr olds are excellent drivers but he isn't one of them, not any more. But he doesn't realise that. His wife does though, but won't say anything to him as it would dent his pride and he enjoys it, and anyway, she says if he has an accident she would rather 'go' with him. The fact that they could kill others too seems lost on them. He can do things like drive in the right turning lane and suddenly decide to turn left, completely unaware of any other traffic around. My mother and others of her friends, also in their 80s, drive but only around their own small town, which is used to oldies (actually full of them!). She won't now drive with him and we have had to set up all sorts of little white lies to allow her to go on holidays with this couple in this country, but not to actually drive there with them.

Sorry this has gone off memory a bit, but Sue's story about denial reminded me - I wish it to be recorded here that I give my permission for my keys to be taken away from me if I ever become a danger to others in this way!

DS

Savvy_Sue

downshifter wrote: »

She won't now drive with him and we have had to set up all sorts of little white lies to allow her to go on holidays with this couple in this country, but not to actually drive there with them.

That's when someone outside the family might be needed to NOT tell the little white lies, but actually to write to DVLA expressing concern.

MIL is occasionally dropping seeds like "Is it really worth keeping the car?" into FIL's mind: they use it less and less these days.

downshifter

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

That's when someone outside the family might be needed to NOT tell the little white lies, but actually to write to DVLA expressing concern.

MIL is occasionally dropping seeds like "Is it really worth keeping the car?" into FIL's mind: they use it less and less these days.

He was referred by his GP to a specialist driving centre for a test and passed. The test didn't really try him out in real world situations though, no motorways for example. I might add that my father with Alzheimer's was also tested and passed, they assumed he would just be pottering around the local lanes so said he was ok. This meant that he, like my mother's friend above, felt he had carte blanche to go wherever they wanted, my mother used to hide keys constantly. My mother's friend now believes the test has confirmed his own belief that he's just as good a driver as he was in his 40/50s and he can zap up and down the M6 or M1 at 25 (or 100) mph as much as ever with less caution than before taking the test.

He has however, stopped taking the car into town for shopping, having had one or two scrapes while parking. He has taken up cycling instead, and wobbles around in a horrendous way.

While I so admire his spirit and will, please someone thump me on the head before I get like this and cause danger and worry to everyone else.

flossy_splodge

I so smile and nod at this!
My problem is my father is so aggressive all the time and if you dare to suggest he has forgotten something, well, stand well clear!
I said to him only yesterday that worsening memory is a factor of age and NOT of innate competance but he will NOT accept that for instance he moves things then forgets! Don't care about that but it's the venom he directs towards me as if it's all my fault that I find hard to cope with.
I've given my 2 DD's permission to shoot me if I get like that!
One thing I have come to realise is it has such an impact HOW someone explains that you've forgotten something. We need to be gentle about it as I know from experiences of my own with a BF of one of my DD's that arrogance when being told it was all down to you and your memory or generally failing capabilities is like red rag to a bull!