Top Table problems (we dont want one but OH's parents do)

Tray2

We are having a few issues that we dont want a top table, but with 8 weeks to go OH's parents have waded in saying they do. Is it really a problem not having a top table?

The reasons why we dont want a top table include:

• I dont want to draw attention to the fact my dad wont be there (he died a few years ago)
• OH isnt keen on being centre of attention
• We would end up sitting removed from everyone else (and facing everyone then I'm being watched eating my dinner!!!)
• We think it would be nicer for the best man if he can sit with his fiance and baby
• We went to a friends wedding where everyone was seated at a banquet table and it was great (wedding party were near the middle)

So our idea was to have two long tables (as no banquet table available) with the wedding party being seated towards the middle of one of the tables.

OH's parents reasons include that its tradition plus there needs to be a point of focus for the speeches. However, we know that OH's dad wants to be centre of attention on the day (despite the fact we have done all the hard work planning/arranging the wedding and are the ones getting married...) :mad: and we think thats the main reason why they are now going on about having a top table. And I think there is a certain amount of wanting this to be in line with what their friends sons/daughter's weddings have been like.

We were feeling pretty pleased with how the plans were coming along and now feeling pretty stressed out about it all! Dreading mid-August when we have to sort out table seating plans!!

The other thing is that my mum and his parents have gone halves contributing to the cost of the wedding (we have paid for honeymoon) so we feel a bit obliged to do what they want but we have stood our ground so far but dont know how long can keep it up....

Any advice is much appreciated. :eek:

sooz

Tell them it's your day, & you want to do it your way!

Seriously, tell them what you said here - you father can't be there, & best man need to be near his baby.

If they insist, suggest that the venue has said this is better, but could, if they insist, only offer your parents a 'top table' of their own, that seats 2.

Bride2be24

at the end of the day its yours and your oh big day so its what you want not them, tell them how you feel and that its both your decisions and that is it! x

frannyann

We are not having a top table either, we decided against it as we didn't want the attention. They may have helped toward the cost but that does mean they can dictate the day, pretend to think about it seriously then calmly explain the reasons you have given here about why you have choosen the arrangement as you have!

chris_n_tj

Its your day so tell them its your way or no way. Dont let anyone upset your day, just go with what you want not what anyone else wants. Tell them you are starting your own traditions. I wouild also tell them your feelings about your own dad not being there, and doing things your way will help you get though the day.
Have a lovely day and try to enjoy it.
Chris n TJ x

shellsuit

If they want a top table, tell them to renew their vows and have a top table of their own ~ cheeky sods!

Honestly, it angers me when I read about couples being harrassed by members of their family to do this and do that and then when the couple refuse, the family member/s get the hump!

You have it your way, it's your wedding and you have a perfectly good reason by not wanting one anyway ~ so just tell them NO! xx

samhuzz

I agree with what others have said, it's your day, you do things how you want to. As long as you enjoy it, stuff what they think! I have a friend who's going through a similar thing at the min, they are engaged and his mum said that they shouldn't get married in a registry office as it's like signing on the dole apparently! :mad:

Just come out and tell them that you don't want it, that's the best thing to do.

penelopedee_2

Who's getting married, you or OH's parents!?!

Have what you want and enjoy your day.

I totally understand, my mum died 7 months before my wedding and there was no nice way to do a top table without it being painful for me and my Dad. So we went without and it worked fine.

sooz

samhuzz wrote: »

they shouldn't get married in a registry office as it's like signing on the dole apparently! :mad:

depends on the registry office I suppose. Some are awful concrete blocks! But :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: at the mum for saying that! Not sure how to respond to that one, perhaps - "what, not only do I get married, but they give me money each week too?'

shellsuit

samhuzz wrote: »

I agree with what others have said, it's your day, you do things how you want to. As long as you enjoy it, stuff what they think! I have a friend who's going through a similar thing at the min, they are engaged and his mum said that they shouldn't get married in a registry office as it's like signing on the dole apparently! :mad:

Just come out and tell them that you don't want it, that's the best thing to do.

Fancy saying that to someone! I'd like her to say it to me because I'm smack her in the teeth.

She must have got married in a reg office and has been on the dole for her to know that though mustn't she

tamarto

Just ignore them when they go on about it, if you don't want a top table don't have one, we're not for all the reasons listed here already.

Just because they helped contribute does not give them the right to tell you what you must do.