new baby on the way and i dont know what to do

tammyfshr

advise please.i found out 2 weeks ago that i was 6 weeks pregnant and as soon as i saw the test results i knew i didnt want it.ive got a 14 month old with my husband and because of complications with the birth i nearly died so i feel extremly lucky to have him.we tryed for a year for him and i knew straightaway i wanted him.since i found out about the pregnancy i have cried everyday.myhusband gets in a mood when i mention getting rid of the baby.
i dont know what to do and to make matters worst the midwife has just rang to make a apointment.

Sallys_Savings

PHONE THE DOCTOR OR HOUSEVISITOR NOW ...you really do need to talk to someone about this. You need to be able to sort it out in your own head before you can talk to your husband about it. Please phone...*huggles*

I'm sorry that this is such a brief message, but I'm just about to run out the door.....

Good luck with whatever you decide.

themaccas

Hi Tammy, really feel for you at the moment, unfortunately no one can make the decision of what to do for you that is one only you can make and it will be the hardest decision either way. Most hospitals/maternity units offer a counselling service where you can go and see a trained counsellor to talk over your previous birth, what happened, and what was done. They will usually have your notes there too so you can read what was said and done too. Feel free to pm me if you want.
love and hugs
x

black-saturn

You need to have a long chat with a midwife or a counsellor first. Just because you had complications with your first pregnancy it doesn't always mean that the next one will be the same. And because of those complications you will be monitored closely with this one. You may be just getting over the shock of finding out your pregnant. After a while you may start having feelings for the baby and when it's born you may have a rush of love. But only you can make that decision at the end of the day.

mishkanorman

I would make sure you see a different midwife/doctor to your first if you can. That way its a whole new experience and not a re-run of before. Also a new midwife may be able to provide reassurance that this wont happen again (although without knowing how you nearly died its hard to say that)

I had a really bad first birth experience, however the second was the best time of my life and couldnt have been more positive or enjoyable. It sometimes worth the risk for the beautiful result !!


mishka

inkie

It may help you to identify the reasons why you din't feel thruilled about the pregnancy (ie is it solely the bad epxperience that yohad 1st time - or are there other issues). You don't need to post on here - just try and identify what makes you not feel positive about being pregnant. That will give you some idea of whether these problems can be overcome in order to go ahead. Please speak to a midwife - we are trained to discuss all these kinds of issues, as well as looking after mums throughout their pregnancies - you would be surpirised how common it is to feel like you do!

Best of luck

clarew

as mentioned above, either contact your current childs health visitor or your midwife. The health visitor would be able to make appt to see you at clinic/dr/home, where you could discuss your feelings. They are a good source of local information/support and can liase with your midwife for you also (if you find it hard to do this yourself).

Talk it through with your husband and explain your concerns fully to him, he may not appreciate how you scared you feel.

finally-british pregnancy advisory service provide information on your options-but whatever you do, don't make any hasty decisions. You need to talk to DH/midwife/health visitor first.

looneyleo

Oh Hugs sweetheart! Take your time and follow the good advice given above. I had two very difficult births/pregnancies and must admit the though of falling pregnant again scares the life out of me too... But don't rush into anything..give yourself some breathing space and talk to the professionals..it is such a big decision for you and your family. All the best with whatever route you take.

MortgageMamma

Hi Tammy

Did you have a postpartum haemorrage by any chance? Only asking, because I had one and lost a lot of blood, and very nearly died with my first baby after a very very difficult birth.

When I got pregnant with my second baby, the father left me and fled to thailand more or less straight away (wnker) - I was 6 weeks pregnant then too. All I could think of when I found out about the baby, was what if it happens again and I leave two kids without a mother.

I bottled all this up for months and eventually worried so much I made myself ill, until one day I broke down in the midwifes surgery, and they said that it was unlucky but clinical studies have proven that because it happens once its not a factor that will make it happen again. She even gave me the book where it said it. She then said I was being put under the most senior consultant and senior midwife, which they did, and they looked after me so well I was completely confident.

Anyway on 19th September 2001, I went into labour and within 35 minutes I gave birth to a beautiful red haired girl, who came out pink not blue! I did it with no drug and no intervention whatsoever. I gave birth on all fours which was something I'd never have been brave enough to do without the midwives.

So, if that is the problem you are worried about, take it from someone who's been there, you will be OK if you decide to go through with it. Your husband doesn't sound very supportive at the moment, so I think you need to speak to females who will be kind and understanding no matter what decision you make.

I really hope this helps you a bit, keep your chin up, things will work out fine for you.

Hugs

MM

rainbowrisin

mishkanorman wrote:

I would make sure you see a different midwife/doctor to your first if you can. That way its a whole new experience and not a re-run of before. Also a new midwife may be able to provide reassurance that this wont happen again (although without knowing how you nearly died its hard to say that)

I had a really bad first birth experience, however the second was the best time of my life and couldnt have been more positive or enjoyable. It sometimes worth the risk for the beautiful result !!


mishka

Just to echo the above - I had the most horrific time with my first baby, and had really mixed feelings when i got pregnant with the next. However, I had the most beautiful birth with my second baby, and in a lot of ways having that very positive experience has helped to heal many of the emotional scars left by the first one.
You've probably heard this lots of times before, but every pregnancy and birth is different. Some people have no probs the first time round and a really rough time the next, and vice versa. A friend of mine popped out her first three no problem then had an emergency cesarian with the 4th due to complications. It really does vary.
The main thing is that you didn't die due to problems with the first baby - you are very much alive and blessed to be expecting another one. A miss is as good as a mile, eh?
Make sure you find a midwife you are comfortable with (you can request a different midwife if you don't connect with the one provided, even on the NHS) and tell her how you feel.
If you are considering whether to continue with the pregnancy or not, then BPAS or Life are available for advice and counselling on your options.
Good luck.

lil_me

Just wanted to add good luck, my first son nearly died which mean't I was petrified second time round but all the fears never became a reality.