Middle class spend-spend-spend mentality

Janepig

You don't mention that your gf has been pressurising you to behaving like her friends or anything - if she's happy with you the way you are then carry on. You're obviously very sensible I think. I work with someone who has three + holidays a year, does her house up, goes out every weekend, etc... but is in so much debt, has re-mortgaged their house, and is as miserable as sin. So the grass isn't always greener.

Jxx

[Deleted User]

My gf is great, she doesn't presurise me about these things (except the diamond a bit), she'll actually boast about money-saving to her money-spending friends. She's not a JP by any means of the imagination. Hell, she only has 4 pairs of shoes

As long as I can keep it in her head that we're not playing the 'keeping up with the Jones' game we'll be ok.

cupid_s

i think like someone else said i am sure she is proud of her moneysaving boyfriend and she wants someone who she knows wont spend spend spend all their money and can provide more than just holidays and a flash car.

she is lucky and i'm sure she knows it.

just remember you need luxuries as well but don't worry too muchabout your future. you're in a good position

margaretclare

Hello ringo_24601

I think you're on the right track. You'll be in a much more secure situation in the future when all those big diamonds have had to go to the pawnbroker's.

Not sure about the middle-class bit. Many of us are not in the class we were born into. I grew up in a desperately-poor family in rural Yorkshire who had good strong solid values and their priorities were: the roof over your head, food on the table, being clean, paying your way and owing nobody a penny. Oh, and they were church-goers - I never met a Jew until I was 14 and a brother and sister came to our school, the girl was in my form. The only time my grandfather was ever in debt was when my granny died and he had to pay for her funeral. He growled to my mother: 'Get that bairn insured'. NB: 'bairn = child'. So life insurance is also a priority. I may have moved into the middle class through education and becoming a professional woman - however, my first husband would certainly have described himself as middle-class because he'd been to a private Catholic boys' boarding-school and his grandparents had been small businesspeople, but he 'didn't believe in' life assurance. Consequently when he died aged 58 I wasn't left well-provided for.

I still think my grandparents' values are pretty good basic ones to have. Who needs 3 foreign holidays a year - bad for the planet in any case.

I don't know what 'not middle-class enough' means. In my view we should be aiming at a classless society. Social class IMHO has been disastrous for us English, it's the reason why so many second-generation immigrants have gone into the professions whereas we always somehow felt it 'wasn't for us, we shouldn't aim as high as that'. Others have had no such inhibitions. In any case, I don't think it was the middle classes who traditionally had the 'spend-spend-spend' mentality.

Oh, and by the way, my present bro-in-law had the big Jewish wedding when he was quite young, it was the last occasion that anyone ever managed to coerce the man who's now my second husband into wearing a black top-hat. But that marriage didn't last, bro 'played away', his ex is now remarried but she still has those wedding pics on her wall, and she says very sorrowfully: 'I was beautiful that day...' So it's not what you spend on the wedding that counts at all!

Good luck to you and to your intended.

Margaret

Tondella

I wouldn't worry, as long as you and your girlfriend are singing from the same songsheet. Sounds like it's just getting to you at the moment, but you realise what's what in the long run. The other posters are right though, frittering money away on status items is a hiding to nothing, people who base their worth on what they earn, own or spend will always find someone with more. I feel sorry for them.

lynzpower

Hey I proposed to my Oh down on one knee outside Mcdonalds in Kings Cross and then we went for a happy meal (1.99, last of the big spenders!) to celebrate! Lots of people were going on about when he was going to buy me a ring, I ust blatantly told everyone I didnt want one and they are a waste of money.

But then some people call me unconventional. I call it tight!

hobo28

Hi mate

The question I would be asking is : "Are you going to be able to afford to keep your future wife in the lifestyle she is currently enjoying?"

If her family have money and all her friends have money, the pressure is all around to just keep up with the Joneses. Even if she can resist now, can she in the future when perhaps there are children and only one breadwinner?

Women are funny things. My current partner told me when she moved in with me that a house was a house etc. Now as I type, she's currently building new bedside tables which colour co-ordinate better with the bedroom!!!

We've had some discussions over why I'm not more "...into decorating the house". My argument is that for once it would be nice to earn more than I am spending and that if I ever lost my job, matching cushions and an expensive decorative light will not put food on the table. Savings would!!!

It sounds like the circle of friends you are in are the designer label, prestige brand, exotic holiday gang then I'd be wary that one day, your GF and future wife will want to be just like her friends.

[Deleted User]

hobo28 .. yes, i hope so. I don't live a frugal life, we already eat out 2-3 nights a week, we went on a 2 week mediterranean cruise in the summer, i've got a 5 day trip to Prague planned for our 1st year anniversary/her birthday and I still manage to save 200 - 300 quid a month. Things are hardly bad and I'm due a decent payrise next week.

On the other hand, I don't drive, I don't care about designer clothes, we rarely go out drinking and I have no debts. I currently have low (for london) rent and we always use vouchers whenever we can for meals/shows/days out. We both know things will change when we get the mortgage.

I secretly really want to be able to do the whole 3 holidays a year/big !!! diamond and flash car but i'm not gonna do it unless I know we can afford it, and have proper savings.

I do like the idea of a happy meal proposal lynzl

margaretclare

ringo_24601 wrote:

On the other hand, I don't drive, I don't care about designer clothes, we rarely go out drinking and I have no debts. I currently have low (for london) rent and we always use vouchers whenever we can for meals/shows/days out. We both know things will change when we get the mortgage.

I secretly really want to be able to do the whole 3 holidays a year/big !!! diamond and flash car but i'm not gonna do it unless I know we can afford it, and have proper savings.

I do like the idea of a happy meal proposal lynzl

I think you're absolutely right, and I wish you all the luck in the world. If you don't care about designer clothes, going out drinking etc, why on earth should you have them? Clothes are to cover you, to keep you warm - they don't *have* to be 'designer'. And what fun is there in going out drinking if you don't want to?

About the proposal - I never even got one from my present husband. But when we were on a 5-day 'bargain break' in Shropshire/North Wales he bought me a beautiful sapphire ring in Celtic style - it's a birthstone ring really and not my birthstone, but it was what I wanted, different from all other engagement rings I'd ever seen, not that expensive by most people's standards, but it was what I wanted and I love it. Here it is: http://www.clogau.co.uk/product.php?prodID=BSR09

Margaret

Edinburghlass_2

I'm not sure where being middle class comes into the equation

As a well brought up middle class girl the last thing I would dream of discussing would be someone else's finances and I can't understand this fixation that people have that if someone has the holidays abroad and/or the new car/house etc that they must be in debt, how on earth do you know?

If a friend/neighbour of mine has a nice new car or goes on holiday twice a year I'm happy for them and say I'll look after the cat/dog and you enjoy your time, I don't get out a calculator and think how much did that cost them.

"The Jones" probably live in my street but do I care, not a jot. I haven't got time to speculate on their earning power, amount of debt or even if they eat at McDonalds. Seems to me too much time is spent worrying about other people, live your life the way you want to, its the only one you have and life is all too fragile.